Saturday, February 28, 2004
What is a "genius"?
A genius is someone who is beyond intelligent, beyond VERY intelligent; a genius is someone whose mind works not just "better" but in a totally different way than a normal person's does. A genius thinks in leaps, in intuitive lunges, around corners, over obstacles, through the clouds and over the horizon. A genius sees in new and different ways, comes up with novel solutions, creates out of thin air... and is usually seriously screwed up.
If you know any geniuses, you know what I mean; they tend to be socially clueless, absentminded, overly intense, dysfunctional, erratic, neurotic, bordering on crazy, or all of the above-is that a coincidence? Is it a coincidence that people who have clinical depression or other so-called "mental illnesses" are on the whole far smarter than average? Or that so many psychos are brilliant? Or that so many great creative minds end up going crazy and committing suicide or losing themselves in drugs or alcohol?
Science has yet to show us what genius IS, or where it comes from, but it seems logical to assume that there IS a connection between genius and being messed up; these things might be genetically linked, like red hair and freckles are, or they might be cause and effect, like over-active thyroid and thinness. Genius might be based in a different brain structure, or different brain chemistry, or both, and it affects the thought processes like nitrous oxide affects an engine; the performance is radically improved, but there's the constant danger that it'll go BOOM, leading to depression, madness, etc.
Geniuses are rarely happy, so don't envy them their greater brainpower. Some of them gain $ and fame due to their art or science, but many are too socially maladjusted to do more than scrape by, and they nearly always have trouble with relationships; they have little patience with lesser mortals as a rule, and no one likes to be around someone who outthinks them all the time. We owe much of what is good in the world to their efforts and sufferings, though, so if you meet someone who's so brainy that you feel put off, take a deep breath and give them a chance; if given a chance, a genius can often turn out to be a dazzling companion, well worth the patience you'll have to show with their odd quirks.
If you know any geniuses, you know what I mean; they tend to be socially clueless, absentminded, overly intense, dysfunctional, erratic, neurotic, bordering on crazy, or all of the above-is that a coincidence? Is it a coincidence that people who have clinical depression or other so-called "mental illnesses" are on the whole far smarter than average? Or that so many psychos are brilliant? Or that so many great creative minds end up going crazy and committing suicide or losing themselves in drugs or alcohol?
Science has yet to show us what genius IS, or where it comes from, but it seems logical to assume that there IS a connection between genius and being messed up; these things might be genetically linked, like red hair and freckles are, or they might be cause and effect, like over-active thyroid and thinness. Genius might be based in a different brain structure, or different brain chemistry, or both, and it affects the thought processes like nitrous oxide affects an engine; the performance is radically improved, but there's the constant danger that it'll go BOOM, leading to depression, madness, etc.
Geniuses are rarely happy, so don't envy them their greater brainpower. Some of them gain $ and fame due to their art or science, but many are too socially maladjusted to do more than scrape by, and they nearly always have trouble with relationships; they have little patience with lesser mortals as a rule, and no one likes to be around someone who outthinks them all the time. We owe much of what is good in the world to their efforts and sufferings, though, so if you meet someone who's so brainy that you feel put off, take a deep breath and give them a chance; if given a chance, a genius can often turn out to be a dazzling companion, well worth the patience you'll have to show with their odd quirks.
Friday, February 27, 2004
Caught between genders
All the furor about gay marriages (which SHOULD be 100% legal everywhere on Earth, and right now, in my not particularly humble opinion) has gotten me thinking about one of the "gray areas" that makes it impossible to draw a line as to what sort of sexual desire, relationships, and marriage are "good" or "bad."
Female. Male. Is that all there is? Nope. About one baby in 2000 is born with "ambiguous genitals," which are neither purely male or purely female, and often look nothing like either one; such a child (or adult) is called "intersexual" (the more familiar term "hermaphrodite" applies to a subset of intersexuals). Even more amazing; when you add in the chromosomal abnormalities that make a person GENETICALLY neither male nor female, or a different gender than the genitals show, intersexuals account for 1 birth out of every 100; that's right, a full 1% of the people you see in the average day are provably neither male nor female in the accepted sense, even though most of them have bodies that appear to be of a familiar gender.
This brings up lots of interesting questions. If someone is intersexual, what kind of sexual desire makes them straight or gay? If they desire other intersexuals only, does THAT make them gay? If so, does that mean that they can desire EITHER "normal" gender and be straight? Which gender(s) should they be allowed to marry, or should they be forbidden to marry because of the genitalia or chromosomes they were born with, when no other physical "abnormality" keeps a person from being allowed to marry?
Some forms of intersexuality, such as 5-Alpha Reductase Deficiency, create people who look like one gender based on their genitals (female, in this case), but their DNA is of the OTHER gender; is a person's gender based on their genitals or on their chromosomes? Doctors and scientists say it's the DNA that counts, which leads to another question; if someone appears female on the outside, but is chromosomally male, and she desires other women, is she gay or straight? Doctors would say that she is straight because she is in fact a MAN, but if you go by genitals, then she'd be gay.
It gets even more complicated; some intersexuals have XXY chromosomes. As you might remember from high school biology, women are XX, and men are XY... so, what gender are XXY people? Technically, they are neither male nor female, of course, but some of them look like "normal" men and women... and the majority of transsexuals (people who believe that their true gender is opposite to what their "genital gender" is) fall into this category. That's right; most transsexuals have chromosomes such that they are equally "valid" as men or women, and it's just a roll of the dice as to which body type they ended up with. The folks who think that transsexuals shouldn't have the right to decide which gender they are, and to change gender, with claims that everyone has an "assigned" gender (by God or nature) that shouldn't be altered are simply, provably, WRONG. Given that they're wrong, what objection can there be to someone wanting surgery to make their genitals match their DNA, or even to how their DNA "genderized" their brain?
If an XXY person is "lucky," they got the same gender of brain/feelings as they did gender of body, but very often they do NOT, and so naturally they want their true gender physically; sadly, even if they can afford the surgeries, and can handle the physical pain, they have to deal with the emotional pain of people thinking they're "sick" and/or "evil" for wanting their bodies to be RIGHT. In some countries they can NEVER legally change their gender, so they can't marry someone who is the opposite sex of their true gender even when their genitals match it; they are actually STRAIGHT (with the usual % of exceptions), and they aren't allowed to marry someone of the opposite sex!!
AND, a non-trivial % of gay people are in fact intersexuals whose "genetic gender" differs from their "genital gender," such that medically speaking they are STRAIGHT... but of course THEY can't marry anyone whose gender is the opposite of their true gender either.
Intersexuals are fighting a battle to NOT be assigned an arbitrary gender, and I hope they win it; after all, how DARE anyone think that they have the right to decide what gender someone with non-standard genitals and/or chromosomes has?!! How DARE they force surgeries on babies and children based on vague ideas about what gender they "should" be, such that the kids grow up with an enforced gender that rarely matches what gender they FEEL themselves to be?!! Intersexuals want the option to be able to put something other than male or female down for their gender, and they should HAVE that right, as they are NOT male and NOT female. If they win this right, this opens up all sorts of issues, ranging from things like which restroom and changing room they should use to, as I said above, what gender(s) they'd be allowed to marry. I'd also be interested to see what the major religions would rule about people without standard gender; as far as I know, no religion decrees intersexuals to be innately "sinful," so it should be ok for them to marry (because such a marriage wouldn't be a sin), but how would the religious leaders decide which gender(s) an intersexual would be allowed to marry?
If they're allowed to marry people from either standard gender, as they SHOULD be (by what logic could you pick just ONE gender for them to marry, after all?), you're going to have people marrying folks who LOOK like the same gender as they are... and, of course, once you allow people with the same genitals (but different chromosomes) to marry, what excuse will you have for not letting OTHER folks with identical genitals, aka gay people, marry?
We need to have legislation that recognizes that there's more in the world than men and women who're going to skip off into the sunset together. 10% of people desire the same gender, and another 1% have non-standard gender; while it's easy to dismiss them as minorities small enough to just be ignored, they're human beings with feelings, with rights, with the same desire to love and be loved as anyone else. If your current belief system rules against gays, I urge you to consider the situation of intersexuals, and to decide what, in all fairness, they should be permitted to do... and then to reevaluate how you view gays based on what you come up with. If your current belief system accepts gays, and their right to marry, think about the situation of intersexuals anyway; it'll likely be the subject of major legal battles in the years to come.
Female. Male. Is that all there is? Nope. About one baby in 2000 is born with "ambiguous genitals," which are neither purely male or purely female, and often look nothing like either one; such a child (or adult) is called "intersexual" (the more familiar term "hermaphrodite" applies to a subset of intersexuals). Even more amazing; when you add in the chromosomal abnormalities that make a person GENETICALLY neither male nor female, or a different gender than the genitals show, intersexuals account for 1 birth out of every 100; that's right, a full 1% of the people you see in the average day are provably neither male nor female in the accepted sense, even though most of them have bodies that appear to be of a familiar gender.
This brings up lots of interesting questions. If someone is intersexual, what kind of sexual desire makes them straight or gay? If they desire other intersexuals only, does THAT make them gay? If so, does that mean that they can desire EITHER "normal" gender and be straight? Which gender(s) should they be allowed to marry, or should they be forbidden to marry because of the genitalia or chromosomes they were born with, when no other physical "abnormality" keeps a person from being allowed to marry?
Some forms of intersexuality, such as 5-Alpha Reductase Deficiency, create people who look like one gender based on their genitals (female, in this case), but their DNA is of the OTHER gender; is a person's gender based on their genitals or on their chromosomes? Doctors and scientists say it's the DNA that counts, which leads to another question; if someone appears female on the outside, but is chromosomally male, and she desires other women, is she gay or straight? Doctors would say that she is straight because she is in fact a MAN, but if you go by genitals, then she'd be gay.
It gets even more complicated; some intersexuals have XXY chromosomes. As you might remember from high school biology, women are XX, and men are XY... so, what gender are XXY people? Technically, they are neither male nor female, of course, but some of them look like "normal" men and women... and the majority of transsexuals (people who believe that their true gender is opposite to what their "genital gender" is) fall into this category. That's right; most transsexuals have chromosomes such that they are equally "valid" as men or women, and it's just a roll of the dice as to which body type they ended up with. The folks who think that transsexuals shouldn't have the right to decide which gender they are, and to change gender, with claims that everyone has an "assigned" gender (by God or nature) that shouldn't be altered are simply, provably, WRONG. Given that they're wrong, what objection can there be to someone wanting surgery to make their genitals match their DNA, or even to how their DNA "genderized" their brain?
If an XXY person is "lucky," they got the same gender of brain/feelings as they did gender of body, but very often they do NOT, and so naturally they want their true gender physically; sadly, even if they can afford the surgeries, and can handle the physical pain, they have to deal with the emotional pain of people thinking they're "sick" and/or "evil" for wanting their bodies to be RIGHT. In some countries they can NEVER legally change their gender, so they can't marry someone who is the opposite sex of their true gender even when their genitals match it; they are actually STRAIGHT (with the usual % of exceptions), and they aren't allowed to marry someone of the opposite sex!!
AND, a non-trivial % of gay people are in fact intersexuals whose "genetic gender" differs from their "genital gender," such that medically speaking they are STRAIGHT... but of course THEY can't marry anyone whose gender is the opposite of their true gender either.
Intersexuals are fighting a battle to NOT be assigned an arbitrary gender, and I hope they win it; after all, how DARE anyone think that they have the right to decide what gender someone with non-standard genitals and/or chromosomes has?!! How DARE they force surgeries on babies and children based on vague ideas about what gender they "should" be, such that the kids grow up with an enforced gender that rarely matches what gender they FEEL themselves to be?!! Intersexuals want the option to be able to put something other than male or female down for their gender, and they should HAVE that right, as they are NOT male and NOT female. If they win this right, this opens up all sorts of issues, ranging from things like which restroom and changing room they should use to, as I said above, what gender(s) they'd be allowed to marry. I'd also be interested to see what the major religions would rule about people without standard gender; as far as I know, no religion decrees intersexuals to be innately "sinful," so it should be ok for them to marry (because such a marriage wouldn't be a sin), but how would the religious leaders decide which gender(s) an intersexual would be allowed to marry?
If they're allowed to marry people from either standard gender, as they SHOULD be (by what logic could you pick just ONE gender for them to marry, after all?), you're going to have people marrying folks who LOOK like the same gender as they are... and, of course, once you allow people with the same genitals (but different chromosomes) to marry, what excuse will you have for not letting OTHER folks with identical genitals, aka gay people, marry?
We need to have legislation that recognizes that there's more in the world than men and women who're going to skip off into the sunset together. 10% of people desire the same gender, and another 1% have non-standard gender; while it's easy to dismiss them as minorities small enough to just be ignored, they're human beings with feelings, with rights, with the same desire to love and be loved as anyone else. If your current belief system rules against gays, I urge you to consider the situation of intersexuals, and to decide what, in all fairness, they should be permitted to do... and then to reevaluate how you view gays based on what you come up with. If your current belief system accepts gays, and their right to marry, think about the situation of intersexuals anyway; it'll likely be the subject of major legal battles in the years to come.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
What does pride REALLY mean?
Pride USED to refer to what you felt once you had accomplished something; it suggested that you had proven yourself to be worthy by virtue of your exertions and your achievement.
When the various minority groups in America started the battle for equal rights, they often made an issue of being "proud" of whatever it was that made them a minority, because that word suggested worthiness... but they're missing the point. You don't become black, Hispanic, Jewish, gay, etc as a reward for achievements, you're BORN that way... and pride does NOT validly come into play for things that you were born with or that were otherwise given to you by your family (such as inherited $).
Pride CAN certainly suggest having overcome obstacles, but only those who have actually fought those battles personally have the right to feel proud; others who share their race, religion or sexual orientation don't get to take any credit.
The scariest example of "pride" is among Hispanics (which in America means people from every Spanish-speaking country EXCEPT Spain, go figure); if you are non-white and the people of your country of origin speak Spanish, that means that white Spaniards came to your country, stole all the gold from the native peoples, raped the women, killed many of the men, forced conversion to Catholicism and the learning of Spanish at swordpoint, and destroyed the native culture... what about that are you PROUD of?!!
Claiming "pride" based on skin color or whichever hunk of land your parents live on (or whatever) is the equivalent of people being given jobs via quotas rather than merit; in the same way that no one thinks that minorities are more capable because they were given jobs that they weren't qualified for, much less the MOST qualified for, no one thinks more highly of a minority who claims "pride" for something that they didn't have to earn (ie "the 'right' to be black"), and in fact people will think LESS of them because they see them as needing to focus on something that should NOT be a cause for pride because they don't actually HAVE anything to be proud of... which produces the opposite result than the intended one.
W.A.S.P.'s don't go around feeling surges of pride based on nothing, so there's no need for any other group to either; save pride for actual ACHIEVEMENTS. By all means be happy about every element of who you are, be glad to be in whatever groups you're in, and feel certain that you are in every way as valuable and worthy of a person as those in every other group; this is the simple truth, after all. If you want those in the majority to have a higher opinion of you and others like you, you won't manage that by waving banners saying how "proud" you are; combat prejudice, as Oprah always advises, with EXCELLENCE. Every time a minority individual accomplishes something admirable, it destroys more prejudice than every parade ever marched in ever did, and creates a greater perception of equality and mutual worthiness than every handout and special deal from the government ever will.
DO something, and do it well; then, you'll have every right to feel pride.
When the various minority groups in America started the battle for equal rights, they often made an issue of being "proud" of whatever it was that made them a minority, because that word suggested worthiness... but they're missing the point. You don't become black, Hispanic, Jewish, gay, etc as a reward for achievements, you're BORN that way... and pride does NOT validly come into play for things that you were born with or that were otherwise given to you by your family (such as inherited $).
Pride CAN certainly suggest having overcome obstacles, but only those who have actually fought those battles personally have the right to feel proud; others who share their race, religion or sexual orientation don't get to take any credit.
The scariest example of "pride" is among Hispanics (which in America means people from every Spanish-speaking country EXCEPT Spain, go figure); if you are non-white and the people of your country of origin speak Spanish, that means that white Spaniards came to your country, stole all the gold from the native peoples, raped the women, killed many of the men, forced conversion to Catholicism and the learning of Spanish at swordpoint, and destroyed the native culture... what about that are you PROUD of?!!
Claiming "pride" based on skin color or whichever hunk of land your parents live on (or whatever) is the equivalent of people being given jobs via quotas rather than merit; in the same way that no one thinks that minorities are more capable because they were given jobs that they weren't qualified for, much less the MOST qualified for, no one thinks more highly of a minority who claims "pride" for something that they didn't have to earn (ie "the 'right' to be black"), and in fact people will think LESS of them because they see them as needing to focus on something that should NOT be a cause for pride because they don't actually HAVE anything to be proud of... which produces the opposite result than the intended one.
W.A.S.P.'s don't go around feeling surges of pride based on nothing, so there's no need for any other group to either; save pride for actual ACHIEVEMENTS. By all means be happy about every element of who you are, be glad to be in whatever groups you're in, and feel certain that you are in every way as valuable and worthy of a person as those in every other group; this is the simple truth, after all. If you want those in the majority to have a higher opinion of you and others like you, you won't manage that by waving banners saying how "proud" you are; combat prejudice, as Oprah always advises, with EXCELLENCE. Every time a minority individual accomplishes something admirable, it destroys more prejudice than every parade ever marched in ever did, and creates a greater perception of equality and mutual worthiness than every handout and special deal from the government ever will.
DO something, and do it well; then, you'll have every right to feel pride.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Tea for 2
I intensely dislike all hot liquids (the inside of my mouth is apparently hyper-sensitive to heat), and never drink any of them, including soup, unless I'm sick... and even then, I drink them at nearly room temperature. Because I'm a supertaster, which means that I have an unusually high # of taste buds and perceive bitterness much more strongly than normal people, I particularly dislike coffee (un-American, I know) and every kind of tea.
Today, a new friend offered to make some tea for me; I had an inexplicable desire to have some, so I agreed, although never in my life had I had that urge. I was very leery of drinking it when she brought it to me, but given the urge I'd had I braced myself and drank some; it had fruit flavor added, and so wasn't too bad, thank goodness. I drank it all as we spoke... and noticed that the normally high level of tension in upper body had been greatly reduced.
I asked her about the tea, which turned out to be made primarily from an herb that is a common tea base in Africa; she didn't know of any medicinal properties of the herb, but I was SURE it had some. I looked it up when I got home, and there it was; what I had felt was one of the effects it is known for.
How did I KNOW that this herb would be a good one for me, so strongly that I asked to have something to drink that I would normally NEVER consume? It's logical that our psychic abilities might extend to "knowing" that an herb had applicable medicinal benefit; herbal remedies had to have each been discovered somehow, and trial and error of every herb with every ailment seems like too tall of an order for the healers of centuries ago to have carried out.
As if that weren't enough for one day; although my friend naturally made the tea with boiling water, once she had poured it into mugs she didn't bring them to the table right away, but talked on about her family until it occurred to her to serve the tea... at which point it had cooled down to the exact temperature I drink "hot liquids" at. How did she KNOW not to serve the tea hot as any normal person would want it (and she didn't apologize for having let it cool down so much, as she would have had it not been at some level intended)? I've felt a strong karmic connection to her since the moment I saw her; this is just the latest evidence I've seen of it. I think she may have been sent to me to re-mother me; time will tell.
Today, a new friend offered to make some tea for me; I had an inexplicable desire to have some, so I agreed, although never in my life had I had that urge. I was very leery of drinking it when she brought it to me, but given the urge I'd had I braced myself and drank some; it had fruit flavor added, and so wasn't too bad, thank goodness. I drank it all as we spoke... and noticed that the normally high level of tension in upper body had been greatly reduced.
I asked her about the tea, which turned out to be made primarily from an herb that is a common tea base in Africa; she didn't know of any medicinal properties of the herb, but I was SURE it had some. I looked it up when I got home, and there it was; what I had felt was one of the effects it is known for.
How did I KNOW that this herb would be a good one for me, so strongly that I asked to have something to drink that I would normally NEVER consume? It's logical that our psychic abilities might extend to "knowing" that an herb had applicable medicinal benefit; herbal remedies had to have each been discovered somehow, and trial and error of every herb with every ailment seems like too tall of an order for the healers of centuries ago to have carried out.
As if that weren't enough for one day; although my friend naturally made the tea with boiling water, once she had poured it into mugs she didn't bring them to the table right away, but talked on about her family until it occurred to her to serve the tea... at which point it had cooled down to the exact temperature I drink "hot liquids" at. How did she KNOW not to serve the tea hot as any normal person would want it (and she didn't apologize for having let it cool down so much, as she would have had it not been at some level intended)? I've felt a strong karmic connection to her since the moment I saw her; this is just the latest evidence I've seen of it. I think she may have been sent to me to re-mother me; time will tell.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
The breakout dream
Once this dream gets started, I always know what the situation is; I know that I'm inside many levels or layers of enclosures, and that I have to engage in an almost video-gamish frenzy of finding the spots I can break through on each one to get out... and FAST, because new enclosures come into existence about as quickly as I break out.
The enclosures can look like buildings, or fences that meet overhead, or vaguely greenhouse-looking sorts of things that swim into place around me when I think I've reached the open air at last. No 2 look the same, either within a dream or compared to other dreams; the only things they have in common is that I have to break out of them or be trapped, and that they seem to be actually attempting to thwart me.
Flying is always a part of the dreams too, and, while it's supposed to in general be sexual, in my case it's about freedom, and often specifically escape (I usually fly away from whatever the monsters are that chase me in my dreams). I might start out breaking through walls, windows, etc, with my feet on the ground, but by the end I'm ALWAYS flying, battering my way out of enclosures that are about the size of domed sports arenas, or bigger... and I fly away. (Sometimes, I THINK I'm free and flying away, only to come up against ANOTHER barrier that was so huge I couldn't see it before, as if the walls had been beyond the horizon).
I've mulled this extensively, and have concluded that the only possible "barriers" that I have to keep fighting in my life all have to do with... my husband. He has many fine qualities, but he's a slob, a procrastinator, he's lazy, he does tasks half-assedly, or even quarter-assedly, with no analysis and no thought as to what MY reaction will be. I literally DO feel like I'm banging my head against the proverbial wall with him, with constantly trying to explain to him what he should be doing, and when, and how, although things like closing and LOCKING the door when he leaves the house, flushing the toilet when he's finished with it, and putting perishable foods back into the fridge when he's done should NOT have to be on MY list of things to teach him (I'm NOT his mother, much as I feel like I am). He lives his life in an attempt to achieve maximum task-avoidance, and when he DOES undertake a task he tries to do it without me seeing him, so that he can do it some random dead-wrong way without my input, which he seems to think gains him points in heaven even though he KNOWS he's going to have to be yelled at, tear whatever he did down and do it the right way, WITH my input. It often feels like my entire interaction with him consists of dragging him out of whatever corner he's hidden himself in to try to avoid my eye, and therefore tasks, and arm-twisting him into doing something, ANYTHING of value to our lives, while he throws out a million arguments as to why he should, in essence, be allowed to drift through life NEVER doing any tasks or chores.
Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I NEVER had this dream before I got married, and, based on the extensive list of "always struggling with him" comments that just came bursting out, lol, and even my use of the word "thwart" in reference to the enclosures when it applies so well to what HE does to my plans, it looks like what I had as a best-guess when I started writing this was RIGHT.
I've gotta say, I never saw much benefit to me of writing anything down in my pre-blog days, other than just being able to lay out some of my ideas that the beleaguered people in my life don't want to hear any more, so that I could feel "heard" even if I didn't know for sure if anyone had read any particular essay, but there have been several times already where I've only had a partial analysis of something, sat down at the keyboard, and had words come streaming onto the screen that filled in all the gaps and tied everything together. I've always been able to tap into that ability to let stuff come pouring out of my subconscious for writing fiction, but I never knew it worked for "the search for answers" as well; it's pretty cool, and a little exciting, to realize that new revelations may be as close as my next blog entry.
The enclosures can look like buildings, or fences that meet overhead, or vaguely greenhouse-looking sorts of things that swim into place around me when I think I've reached the open air at last. No 2 look the same, either within a dream or compared to other dreams; the only things they have in common is that I have to break out of them or be trapped, and that they seem to be actually attempting to thwart me.
Flying is always a part of the dreams too, and, while it's supposed to in general be sexual, in my case it's about freedom, and often specifically escape (I usually fly away from whatever the monsters are that chase me in my dreams). I might start out breaking through walls, windows, etc, with my feet on the ground, but by the end I'm ALWAYS flying, battering my way out of enclosures that are about the size of domed sports arenas, or bigger... and I fly away. (Sometimes, I THINK I'm free and flying away, only to come up against ANOTHER barrier that was so huge I couldn't see it before, as if the walls had been beyond the horizon).
I've mulled this extensively, and have concluded that the only possible "barriers" that I have to keep fighting in my life all have to do with... my husband. He has many fine qualities, but he's a slob, a procrastinator, he's lazy, he does tasks half-assedly, or even quarter-assedly, with no analysis and no thought as to what MY reaction will be. I literally DO feel like I'm banging my head against the proverbial wall with him, with constantly trying to explain to him what he should be doing, and when, and how, although things like closing and LOCKING the door when he leaves the house, flushing the toilet when he's finished with it, and putting perishable foods back into the fridge when he's done should NOT have to be on MY list of things to teach him (I'm NOT his mother, much as I feel like I am). He lives his life in an attempt to achieve maximum task-avoidance, and when he DOES undertake a task he tries to do it without me seeing him, so that he can do it some random dead-wrong way without my input, which he seems to think gains him points in heaven even though he KNOWS he's going to have to be yelled at, tear whatever he did down and do it the right way, WITH my input. It often feels like my entire interaction with him consists of dragging him out of whatever corner he's hidden himself in to try to avoid my eye, and therefore tasks, and arm-twisting him into doing something, ANYTHING of value to our lives, while he throws out a million arguments as to why he should, in essence, be allowed to drift through life NEVER doing any tasks or chores.
Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I NEVER had this dream before I got married, and, based on the extensive list of "always struggling with him" comments that just came bursting out, lol, and even my use of the word "thwart" in reference to the enclosures when it applies so well to what HE does to my plans, it looks like what I had as a best-guess when I started writing this was RIGHT.
I've gotta say, I never saw much benefit to me of writing anything down in my pre-blog days, other than just being able to lay out some of my ideas that the beleaguered people in my life don't want to hear any more, so that I could feel "heard" even if I didn't know for sure if anyone had read any particular essay, but there have been several times already where I've only had a partial analysis of something, sat down at the keyboard, and had words come streaming onto the screen that filled in all the gaps and tied everything together. I've always been able to tap into that ability to let stuff come pouring out of my subconscious for writing fiction, but I never knew it worked for "the search for answers" as well; it's pretty cool, and a little exciting, to realize that new revelations may be as close as my next blog entry.
Monday, February 23, 2004
The downside of the sexual revolution
A woman used to be able to get a man to promise to take care of her and any children she had until the day he died (aka marry her), and make it STICK, in order to have sexual access to her; her sexual favors were therefore worth a life's labor in his mind, and so was SHE.
Nowadays, most men expect sex on the first date, meaning that even IF he paid for everything, he's valuing the woman's sexual favors, and HER, at the level of a dinner and maybe a movie. If he gets her to come home with him from a bar or club, he feels entitled to her sexual favors for the price of a drink or 2, and that's what he values HER at.
Is this an improvement?
A woman used to be able to get to know a man VERY well, care about him, be sure he cared about HER, be committed to him, and be sure he was committed to HER, before sharing her body and deepest emotions with him.
Nowadays, it's a rare men who'll wait more than a few dates for sex before walking away (based on how they answer anonymous surveys on this topic), so the woman has to either agree to the most intimate physical acts with a near-stranger or be alone.
Is this an improvement?
It used to be that a nice woman wasn't expected to do anything "kinky," and, although the man would be thrilled if she DID do those things, he never made it a requirement, or demanded them, or even ASKED for fear of offending her.
Nowadays, men expect women to automatically do things that he couldn't have been sure of getting from a HOOKER a few decades ago, and if she doesn't do those things he'll push and badger and pout and try to guilt-trip her into doing them... he'll even make the absence of them a valid excuse in his mind to cheat on her.
Is this an improvement?
A woman used to have the right to say no, and in fact was EXPECTED to say no a significant % of the time, so when the "yes" came the man was thrilled and grateful.
Nowadays, if the woman says "no," the man will feel rejected and offended, and will withhold affection and attention in retaliation, pick fights, accuse her of trying to manipulate him, or threaten to find satisfaction elsewhere if she isn't willing to put out every time he asks.
Is this an improvement?
It used to be that a couple got to know each other before sleeping together, so that they could decide if they truly liked each other without being blinded by sex.
Nowadays, people jump into bed based on nothing more than brief attraction, and then have a relationship by default because they're sleeping together, not realizing that they are NOT compatible until they've wasted all sorts of time and effort on each other, during which time they might have moved in together, gotten married, had a kid, all of which gets broken apart because they never had a chance at long-term couplehood and didn't know it.
Is this an improvement?
Nearly all kids used to be born to married parents, where the father brought in an income and lived in the home and took care of them.
Nowadays, a man rarely feels obligated to marry a woman just because she's pregnant, or to STAY married to her just because she has borne him children. Many men fail to pay child support, much less give emotional support or even invest the time to just be around so that the kids feel valued and secure.
Ask the countless children living in poverty in households headed by women if THAT is an improvement.
Sure, it's great that we as women these days feel free to be sexual and have sex without feeling "dirty," and that we feel entitled to GOOD sex, frequent sex, etc... but does that REALLY make up for all we LOST because of the sexual revolution?
Nowadays, most men expect sex on the first date, meaning that even IF he paid for everything, he's valuing the woman's sexual favors, and HER, at the level of a dinner and maybe a movie. If he gets her to come home with him from a bar or club, he feels entitled to her sexual favors for the price of a drink or 2, and that's what he values HER at.
Is this an improvement?
A woman used to be able to get to know a man VERY well, care about him, be sure he cared about HER, be committed to him, and be sure he was committed to HER, before sharing her body and deepest emotions with him.
Nowadays, it's a rare men who'll wait more than a few dates for sex before walking away (based on how they answer anonymous surveys on this topic), so the woman has to either agree to the most intimate physical acts with a near-stranger or be alone.
Is this an improvement?
It used to be that a nice woman wasn't expected to do anything "kinky," and, although the man would be thrilled if she DID do those things, he never made it a requirement, or demanded them, or even ASKED for fear of offending her.
Nowadays, men expect women to automatically do things that he couldn't have been sure of getting from a HOOKER a few decades ago, and if she doesn't do those things he'll push and badger and pout and try to guilt-trip her into doing them... he'll even make the absence of them a valid excuse in his mind to cheat on her.
Is this an improvement?
A woman used to have the right to say no, and in fact was EXPECTED to say no a significant % of the time, so when the "yes" came the man was thrilled and grateful.
Nowadays, if the woman says "no," the man will feel rejected and offended, and will withhold affection and attention in retaliation, pick fights, accuse her of trying to manipulate him, or threaten to find satisfaction elsewhere if she isn't willing to put out every time he asks.
Is this an improvement?
It used to be that a couple got to know each other before sleeping together, so that they could decide if they truly liked each other without being blinded by sex.
Nowadays, people jump into bed based on nothing more than brief attraction, and then have a relationship by default because they're sleeping together, not realizing that they are NOT compatible until they've wasted all sorts of time and effort on each other, during which time they might have moved in together, gotten married, had a kid, all of which gets broken apart because they never had a chance at long-term couplehood and didn't know it.
Is this an improvement?
Nearly all kids used to be born to married parents, where the father brought in an income and lived in the home and took care of them.
Nowadays, a man rarely feels obligated to marry a woman just because she's pregnant, or to STAY married to her just because she has borne him children. Many men fail to pay child support, much less give emotional support or even invest the time to just be around so that the kids feel valued and secure.
Ask the countless children living in poverty in households headed by women if THAT is an improvement.
Sure, it's great that we as women these days feel free to be sexual and have sex without feeling "dirty," and that we feel entitled to GOOD sex, frequent sex, etc... but does that REALLY make up for all we LOST because of the sexual revolution?
Sunday, February 22, 2004
The white light of healing
You have the power to heal. Whether you have ever used it or not, whether you believe it or not, it is THERE.
The laying on of hands is the oldest method of healing known to mankind. It's just what it sounds like; one person puts their hands on another and helps that person overcome illness, injury and suffering by doing so. Do you remember how your little hurts stopped hurting once your mother "kissed them and made them better"? Did you ever had a good doctor, one who'd make you feel better, not just emotionally but PHYSICALLY, as soon as (s)he started to examine you? The hands aren't the only place where healing energy can leave your body, and a healer doesn't even need to be making a conscious attempt to heal for it to work; it's a natural bodily function for us to be able to do this.
It's easy to see what the survival advantage would be in the caveman days to any person, family or group where this ability existed, especially if it was well developed; as with all other "psychic abilities," this one came about because it allowed those that possessed it to have a higher probability of reproducing and having their offspring live to reproduce.
I first discovered MY ability to do this by accident. A man I was seeing mentioned that he'd had a pain in his abdomen; without thinking, I reached out and put my hand on what turned out to be the exact site of his pain. He commented on that, and then went on to describe the evolution of this pain while my hand stayed on the spot in what I vaguely thought of as an attempt to offer comfort. He yelped that my hand had gotten HOT, and, when I drew it away and placed it against my face, I confirmed that it was; my other hand, when tested, was normal temperature. His babble about what was going on stopped abruptly when he realized that the pain was GONE... not, just relieved somewhat, GONE, and it STAYED gone.
I have been able to do this many other times, and, although you might argue that whatever effects I felt as I healed, and that the "patient" felt, were imagined those times, on that first time, when neither of us had any thought about this sort of thing, it happened "blind," and was undeniably real.
What does the healing? Energy. What kind? Kirlian photography gives us a clue; this fascinating way of recording energy emanating from an object shows greater brightness around the hands of those who see themselves as healers than around the hands of nonhealers, and that brightness increases when the healer is trying to project healing energy through their hands. The image is produced when the object being photographed is subjected to an electric field, so whatever the energy is, it has some sort of additive effect with electricity.
When you hear references to "sending white light" or to the "white light of healing," it's this same energy that is being referred to; it's not ACTUALLY light, of course, or we could SEE it, but there is an amazing consistency with how people visualize the power that they send out... maybe it's just natural for us to see a force for "good" as a white light. In any case, you don't need to actually be touching a person to send them healing energy, or even in proximity; I've sent it as far as 8000 miles away, to a recipient who verified when he had received it, and mind you this man was a hard-core sceptic whose religious beliefs made this VERY difficult for him to accept.
The use of hands makes the energy easy to focus and transfer, and we're used to connecting with other living things through our hands, so it's a natural spot for energy to flow from; when you try to send the light over a distance, it is often helpful to visualize holding your hand out, and the light flowing from your hand to the person in need.
Healing comes from the same energy, or same spectrum of energy, as precognition, telepathy, spirits, synchronicity, and all the other aspects of karma. It's not mysterious, magical or scary, it's a natural function, like thinking, feeling or dreaming, which we ALSO have virtually no understanding of as of yet. Try it for yourself (using your hands is by far the easiest way); as a control, try it on a small child or pet, or an adult who doesn't know in advance what you're going to do. There's no specific method, really, just place your hand over the affected area (which would be where there is injury or pain, or where symptoms are concentrated in an illness), and exert your will that the pain will decrease. You might visualize light and/or heat coming from your hand, or anything else that makes sense to you; whatever seems right to you will probably be the easiest way for you to focus.
Once you've seen how easy this is to do, you'll naturally feel excited, and want to talk to people about it; take it from me, this will REALLY freak some folks out, so think long and hard before confiding in a person. Keep this and any other abilities you discover in yourself as positive things, so that you don't develop blocks to using the energy, and don't try to use them to manipulate or upset people.... remember, this is all part of karma, and if you misuse it karma will remind you of the need to not create negative energy. Good luck.
The laying on of hands is the oldest method of healing known to mankind. It's just what it sounds like; one person puts their hands on another and helps that person overcome illness, injury and suffering by doing so. Do you remember how your little hurts stopped hurting once your mother "kissed them and made them better"? Did you ever had a good doctor, one who'd make you feel better, not just emotionally but PHYSICALLY, as soon as (s)he started to examine you? The hands aren't the only place where healing energy can leave your body, and a healer doesn't even need to be making a conscious attempt to heal for it to work; it's a natural bodily function for us to be able to do this.
It's easy to see what the survival advantage would be in the caveman days to any person, family or group where this ability existed, especially if it was well developed; as with all other "psychic abilities," this one came about because it allowed those that possessed it to have a higher probability of reproducing and having their offspring live to reproduce.
I first discovered MY ability to do this by accident. A man I was seeing mentioned that he'd had a pain in his abdomen; without thinking, I reached out and put my hand on what turned out to be the exact site of his pain. He commented on that, and then went on to describe the evolution of this pain while my hand stayed on the spot in what I vaguely thought of as an attempt to offer comfort. He yelped that my hand had gotten HOT, and, when I drew it away and placed it against my face, I confirmed that it was; my other hand, when tested, was normal temperature. His babble about what was going on stopped abruptly when he realized that the pain was GONE... not, just relieved somewhat, GONE, and it STAYED gone.
I have been able to do this many other times, and, although you might argue that whatever effects I felt as I healed, and that the "patient" felt, were imagined those times, on that first time, when neither of us had any thought about this sort of thing, it happened "blind," and was undeniably real.
What does the healing? Energy. What kind? Kirlian photography gives us a clue; this fascinating way of recording energy emanating from an object shows greater brightness around the hands of those who see themselves as healers than around the hands of nonhealers, and that brightness increases when the healer is trying to project healing energy through their hands. The image is produced when the object being photographed is subjected to an electric field, so whatever the energy is, it has some sort of additive effect with electricity.
When you hear references to "sending white light" or to the "white light of healing," it's this same energy that is being referred to; it's not ACTUALLY light, of course, or we could SEE it, but there is an amazing consistency with how people visualize the power that they send out... maybe it's just natural for us to see a force for "good" as a white light. In any case, you don't need to actually be touching a person to send them healing energy, or even in proximity; I've sent it as far as 8000 miles away, to a recipient who verified when he had received it, and mind you this man was a hard-core sceptic whose religious beliefs made this VERY difficult for him to accept.
The use of hands makes the energy easy to focus and transfer, and we're used to connecting with other living things through our hands, so it's a natural spot for energy to flow from; when you try to send the light over a distance, it is often helpful to visualize holding your hand out, and the light flowing from your hand to the person in need.
Healing comes from the same energy, or same spectrum of energy, as precognition, telepathy, spirits, synchronicity, and all the other aspects of karma. It's not mysterious, magical or scary, it's a natural function, like thinking, feeling or dreaming, which we ALSO have virtually no understanding of as of yet. Try it for yourself (using your hands is by far the easiest way); as a control, try it on a small child or pet, or an adult who doesn't know in advance what you're going to do. There's no specific method, really, just place your hand over the affected area (which would be where there is injury or pain, or where symptoms are concentrated in an illness), and exert your will that the pain will decrease. You might visualize light and/or heat coming from your hand, or anything else that makes sense to you; whatever seems right to you will probably be the easiest way for you to focus.
Once you've seen how easy this is to do, you'll naturally feel excited, and want to talk to people about it; take it from me, this will REALLY freak some folks out, so think long and hard before confiding in a person. Keep this and any other abilities you discover in yourself as positive things, so that you don't develop blocks to using the energy, and don't try to use them to manipulate or upset people.... remember, this is all part of karma, and if you misuse it karma will remind you of the need to not create negative energy. Good luck.
