Thursday, November 23, 2006
The things I'm thankful for
Like everyone else, I'm thankful for the basics: life, health, a solid marriage, loved and liked ones, freedom, the military that keeps us free, a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood, living in a wealthy country, having sufficient $ to never have to worry about missing a meal (or even a new figurine), and those things that we take for granted but that most people in the world don't have; computers, internet access and DSL. I wanted to share some more personal things that I was grateful for this year, especially since it's been a bumpy road dealing with my mother's cancer, so here's a selection of odds and ends that have been giving me happy moments:
My grandmother, who's in her 90's, has regained some of her lost mental functioning: It turns out that elderly people can often get bladder infections that go undetected (because they don't have pain or discomfort from them like younger folks do), and this can cause cognitive deterioration that gets brushed off as age-related dementia... but once the infection is diagnosed and cured, as happened with my grandmother thanks to a family friend who suggested that she be tested (she'd seen the doctor many times during her suspected infection period, and although he's a geriatric SPECIALIST it never occurred to him to check her for it, grrrrrrrrrrr), a miraculous-seeming improvement can occur.
Air conditioning: This summer was unusually hot and humid, and under those conditions I'm unable to eat, sleep or even think straight...I don't know what I'd've done without being able to cool and dry the air in the house at will.
Dreyer's lime popsicles:
http://dreyers.com/brand/fruitbars/flavor.asp?b=135&f=1923
Unlike most frozen treats that are super-sweet, these are tart and really lime-y, because they have real lime juice in them... and of course they drop your temperature by about 20 degrees, which made them another valuable asset over the summer.
A certain NON-chain bookstore downtown: They not only have a wildly eclectic selection of books, they have greeting cards from little independent companies that are far cooler than anything Hallmark ever came up with.
eBay: I've gotten some amazing items on there recently, like animatronic critters that had previously been in store displays, an amazing retro-kitsch clock, and a 70's sweater of an unusual style that I'd recently seen and admired in a movie from that decade.
Holiday decorations: I get a big kick out of having a display of some sort for even minor holidays; my family of origin didn't do that, and I'm busily making up for it now.
Cornish game hens: They allow us to have a tasty turkey-ish meal without having to cook all day and without being stuck with leftovers.
Wind chimes: The lovely, ethereal sound of them always makes me happy.
Tech types who make blog doodads: It's no secret that I love to have every novelty geegaw in existence in my sidebar; for each one of those things, 1 or more people took time from their lives to create it, chose to offer it up to all and sundry for free, and in most cases donates their own bandwidth to host it.
The ongoing popularity of animated movies: I'm tireder than I can say of car chases, explosions, bullets, blood and boobies, so it's a real pleasure to watch something cute and funny, or beautiful and magical, instead.
Jack in the Box: They're still making shakes with real ice cream, and withOUT a bunch of air, corn syrup, and whatever it is that Foster's Freeze uses that creates bubbles that'll remain unbroken weeks later; even better, they're currently topping their shakes with whipped cream... pure bliss.
Metal Mania: I look forward to this program on VH1 Classic, which comes on Friday and Saturday nights for a variable # of hours, all week long; being able to see the metal gods that I worshipped 20-odd years ago again, and see some new (to ME-it's all old stuff) bands too, always gives me a real boost.
With the obvious exception of the improvement to my grandmother's mental acuity, these are pretty small things, objectively speaking; I don't care about plasma TV's and cell phones that do everything but rotate your tires... just give me a little fun stuff and a few snacks to accent my geekish pursuits and I'm happy. But wait, I forgot one of the things I'm most thankful for:
YOU: Without you, there'd be no point in putting my thoughts in writing, much less launching them into cyberspace.
Happy Thanksgiving!! xo
My grandmother, who's in her 90's, has regained some of her lost mental functioning: It turns out that elderly people can often get bladder infections that go undetected (because they don't have pain or discomfort from them like younger folks do), and this can cause cognitive deterioration that gets brushed off as age-related dementia... but once the infection is diagnosed and cured, as happened with my grandmother thanks to a family friend who suggested that she be tested (she'd seen the doctor many times during her suspected infection period, and although he's a geriatric SPECIALIST it never occurred to him to check her for it, grrrrrrrrrrr), a miraculous-seeming improvement can occur.
Air conditioning: This summer was unusually hot and humid, and under those conditions I'm unable to eat, sleep or even think straight...I don't know what I'd've done without being able to cool and dry the air in the house at will.
Dreyer's lime popsicles:
http://dreyers.com/brand/fruitbars/flavor.asp?b=135&f=1923
Unlike most frozen treats that are super-sweet, these are tart and really lime-y, because they have real lime juice in them... and of course they drop your temperature by about 20 degrees, which made them another valuable asset over the summer.
A certain NON-chain bookstore downtown: They not only have a wildly eclectic selection of books, they have greeting cards from little independent companies that are far cooler than anything Hallmark ever came up with.
eBay: I've gotten some amazing items on there recently, like animatronic critters that had previously been in store displays, an amazing retro-kitsch clock, and a 70's sweater of an unusual style that I'd recently seen and admired in a movie from that decade.
Holiday decorations: I get a big kick out of having a display of some sort for even minor holidays; my family of origin didn't do that, and I'm busily making up for it now.
Cornish game hens: They allow us to have a tasty turkey-ish meal without having to cook all day and without being stuck with leftovers.
Wind chimes: The lovely, ethereal sound of them always makes me happy.
Tech types who make blog doodads: It's no secret that I love to have every novelty geegaw in existence in my sidebar; for each one of those things, 1 or more people took time from their lives to create it, chose to offer it up to all and sundry for free, and in most cases donates their own bandwidth to host it.
The ongoing popularity of animated movies: I'm tireder than I can say of car chases, explosions, bullets, blood and boobies, so it's a real pleasure to watch something cute and funny, or beautiful and magical, instead.
Jack in the Box: They're still making shakes with real ice cream, and withOUT a bunch of air, corn syrup, and whatever it is that Foster's Freeze uses that creates bubbles that'll remain unbroken weeks later; even better, they're currently topping their shakes with whipped cream... pure bliss.
Metal Mania: I look forward to this program on VH1 Classic, which comes on Friday and Saturday nights for a variable # of hours, all week long; being able to see the metal gods that I worshipped 20-odd years ago again, and see some new (to ME-it's all old stuff) bands too, always gives me a real boost.
With the obvious exception of the improvement to my grandmother's mental acuity, these are pretty small things, objectively speaking; I don't care about plasma TV's and cell phones that do everything but rotate your tires... just give me a little fun stuff and a few snacks to accent my geekish pursuits and I'm happy. But wait, I forgot one of the things I'm most thankful for:
YOU: Without you, there'd be no point in putting my thoughts in writing, much less launching them into cyberspace.
Happy Thanksgiving!! xo
Sunday, November 19, 2006
The Beware List, Part 5
The Beware List is a compilation of my lifetime of observations of how people behave when they're screwing you, about to screw you, or are evil, sociopathic, manipulators, or just clueless depressives and social misfits who'll eventually screw everyone within reach including you, whether because they don't know any better or for the sheer joy of it; to read entries 1-40, see my posts of 5-31-06, 7-6-06, 8-31-06 and 10-6-06. It's a very rare person who can stick it to you without giving ample warning; all you have to do is pay attention and stop brushing off evidence of questionable behavior, and you can thwart them. Therefore, beware of anyone who:
41) Says that no one has the “right” to judge anyone else (unless it’s DEFINITELY a religious belief).
Only people who regularly behave badly and/or are friends with others who do so feel this way; decent people accept that negative judgment SHOULD BE the result if they misbehave, and that in general misbehavers should have judgment passed against them. The utterance of this line usually means that wrongdoing is currently going on, and if the line is aimed at YOU, you are probably their victim; be on the lookout for treachery... and of course harsh judgment from them for your imagined sins, as the no-judgment clause only applies to those on "their team."
42) Says that a friend should be non-judgmental.
Same reason as above; a friend should be held to a HIGHER standard than a stranger, not allowed to behave any which way... and they shouldn't WANT to behave badly, they should be choosing to treat friends AS friends. In addition, note that when someone announces out of the blue, or, worse, when some sort of social upheaval is going on, how a friend "should be," it indicates that they're NOT your friend, NOT a nice person, and in fact are busily doing wrong to you that you'll learn about all too soon.
43) Says that they don’t judge people, and only concern themselves about a person’s misbehavior if the person treats THEM badly.
Same reason as above. In addition, they're LYING, as they DO judge people... wrongly, of course, as they'll judge other evil types to be good and YOU to be bad, but they ARE judging. Also, they're STUPID; an intelligent person is concerned with ALL bad behavior regardless of who the target is. AND; the hidden message here is either that this person has friends whose wrongdoings they're officially discounting, or, more likely, that they know of wrongdoing to YOU by mutual acquaintances, and are telling you that they're going to favor the wrongdoers over the victim, as evil types always do.
44) Feels it necessary to talk to and “hear the side” of someone who has inarguably mistreated you, especially if that person is NOT a friend of theirs.
This is a serious slap in the face, no matter how they attempt to spin it; they'll try to tell you that they're just being fair by allowing the wrongdoer to add insult to injury by providing an audience for their venom, but they're being UNfair to YOU, the victim, which is NEVER ok... and only someone who is evil, a fool or both is eager to accommodate the wrongdoer rather than their prey. This person hates you, and is either joining forces with the mistreater against you or is just making a point of spending time with them in order to hurt you, out of sheer nastiness.
45) Defends, or insists on their “right” to be friends with, someone they KNOW has mistreated you.
Same as above, but worse, since they're openly declaring allegiance to the evil one, and doing so in a way that makes clear that they have no shred of concern for your feelings; their actual message can be condensed into 2 words, and the 2nd word is "you."
46) When you have a fight with a mutual friend, and you’ve told them about it via a message, NEVER gets back to you about it.
At best, this person is NOT a real friend, since they can't be bothered to respond when something bad has happened; more likely, this means that they favor the other combatant over you, or that that person already got to them and they've passed judgment against you because they believe whoever talks to them 1st... either way, don't bother following up and attempting to further pursue a relationship with them.
47) When you have a fight with a mutual friend, is suddenly distant or treats you strangely.
The best case scenario is that they're treating the other person the same way, which means that they're so terrified of confrontation or lacking in moral fiber that they're staying far away from the conflict rather than doing what they SHOULD be; trying to figure out what's up and siding with the injured party if there is one or calling a halt to the hostilities if there isn't. The worst case and more likely scenario is that they've sided against you but are keeping that a secret for reasons that will NOT be to your benefit.
48) When you have a fight with a mutual friend based on inarguable wrongdoing by the other party, announces their intention to not take sides.
If you don't side AGAINST the wrongdoer, you're in effect siding WITH the wrongdoer, and by thus betraying and hurting the victim become an accomplice to the wrongdoing; anyone willing to do this is neither a nice person nor your friend, and will eventually end up openly siding against you.
49) When you have a fight with a mutual friend based on inarguable, non-trivial mistreatment of you by the other party, does ANYTHING other than condemn the other person’s behavior and announce their intention to no longer be friends with someone who acts like that.
Virtuous people reject evil; those who fail to reject evil are NOT virtuous. PERIOD. They might not be evil themselves, they might just be clueless depressives, idiots, or too weak and fearful to openly reject anyone, but if they possess neither loyalty to you nor the ability and inclination to pass accurate judgment and act accordingly they're just as dangerous in the long run as if they WERE evil.
50) Laughingly describes the wrongdoings of others... especially if some of those others are their friends.
The only proper response to wrongdoing is condemnation; anyone who thinks that evil behavior is funny and cute rather than a cause for serious concern won't hesitate to act evil... with YOU as a possible victim. If they're enjoying the wrongdoings of friends, keep in mind that the old saying about birds of a feather is true; anyone who's buddies with evil types is either evil themselves or weak and being used as a willing pawn by the evil ones to do evil deeds.
Both evil and socially inept people count on your obliviousness to their warning signs, and your unwillingness to call them on their behavior or take action until it's too late, to allow them to trample you and other decent folks; if you can catch them in the early stages of their troublemaking, and have the backbone to do something about it, you can nearly always stop them in their tracks... and there's nothing like the feeling of stepping on a cockroach before it can crawl on you.
41) Says that no one has the “right” to judge anyone else (unless it’s DEFINITELY a religious belief).
Only people who regularly behave badly and/or are friends with others who do so feel this way; decent people accept that negative judgment SHOULD BE the result if they misbehave, and that in general misbehavers should have judgment passed against them. The utterance of this line usually means that wrongdoing is currently going on, and if the line is aimed at YOU, you are probably their victim; be on the lookout for treachery... and of course harsh judgment from them for your imagined sins, as the no-judgment clause only applies to those on "their team."
42) Says that a friend should be non-judgmental.
Same reason as above; a friend should be held to a HIGHER standard than a stranger, not allowed to behave any which way... and they shouldn't WANT to behave badly, they should be choosing to treat friends AS friends. In addition, note that when someone announces out of the blue, or, worse, when some sort of social upheaval is going on, how a friend "should be," it indicates that they're NOT your friend, NOT a nice person, and in fact are busily doing wrong to you that you'll learn about all too soon.
43) Says that they don’t judge people, and only concern themselves about a person’s misbehavior if the person treats THEM badly.
Same reason as above. In addition, they're LYING, as they DO judge people... wrongly, of course, as they'll judge other evil types to be good and YOU to be bad, but they ARE judging. Also, they're STUPID; an intelligent person is concerned with ALL bad behavior regardless of who the target is. AND; the hidden message here is either that this person has friends whose wrongdoings they're officially discounting, or, more likely, that they know of wrongdoing to YOU by mutual acquaintances, and are telling you that they're going to favor the wrongdoers over the victim, as evil types always do.
44) Feels it necessary to talk to and “hear the side” of someone who has inarguably mistreated you, especially if that person is NOT a friend of theirs.
This is a serious slap in the face, no matter how they attempt to spin it; they'll try to tell you that they're just being fair by allowing the wrongdoer to add insult to injury by providing an audience for their venom, but they're being UNfair to YOU, the victim, which is NEVER ok... and only someone who is evil, a fool or both is eager to accommodate the wrongdoer rather than their prey. This person hates you, and is either joining forces with the mistreater against you or is just making a point of spending time with them in order to hurt you, out of sheer nastiness.
45) Defends, or insists on their “right” to be friends with, someone they KNOW has mistreated you.
Same as above, but worse, since they're openly declaring allegiance to the evil one, and doing so in a way that makes clear that they have no shred of concern for your feelings; their actual message can be condensed into 2 words, and the 2nd word is "you."
46) When you have a fight with a mutual friend, and you’ve told them about it via a message, NEVER gets back to you about it.
At best, this person is NOT a real friend, since they can't be bothered to respond when something bad has happened; more likely, this means that they favor the other combatant over you, or that that person already got to them and they've passed judgment against you because they believe whoever talks to them 1st... either way, don't bother following up and attempting to further pursue a relationship with them.
47) When you have a fight with a mutual friend, is suddenly distant or treats you strangely.
The best case scenario is that they're treating the other person the same way, which means that they're so terrified of confrontation or lacking in moral fiber that they're staying far away from the conflict rather than doing what they SHOULD be; trying to figure out what's up and siding with the injured party if there is one or calling a halt to the hostilities if there isn't. The worst case and more likely scenario is that they've sided against you but are keeping that a secret for reasons that will NOT be to your benefit.
48) When you have a fight with a mutual friend based on inarguable wrongdoing by the other party, announces their intention to not take sides.
If you don't side AGAINST the wrongdoer, you're in effect siding WITH the wrongdoer, and by thus betraying and hurting the victim become an accomplice to the wrongdoing; anyone willing to do this is neither a nice person nor your friend, and will eventually end up openly siding against you.
49) When you have a fight with a mutual friend based on inarguable, non-trivial mistreatment of you by the other party, does ANYTHING other than condemn the other person’s behavior and announce their intention to no longer be friends with someone who acts like that.
Virtuous people reject evil; those who fail to reject evil are NOT virtuous. PERIOD. They might not be evil themselves, they might just be clueless depressives, idiots, or too weak and fearful to openly reject anyone, but if they possess neither loyalty to you nor the ability and inclination to pass accurate judgment and act accordingly they're just as dangerous in the long run as if they WERE evil.
50) Laughingly describes the wrongdoings of others... especially if some of those others are their friends.
The only proper response to wrongdoing is condemnation; anyone who thinks that evil behavior is funny and cute rather than a cause for serious concern won't hesitate to act evil... with YOU as a possible victim. If they're enjoying the wrongdoings of friends, keep in mind that the old saying about birds of a feather is true; anyone who's buddies with evil types is either evil themselves or weak and being used as a willing pawn by the evil ones to do evil deeds.
Both evil and socially inept people count on your obliviousness to their warning signs, and your unwillingness to call them on their behavior or take action until it's too late, to allow them to trample you and other decent folks; if you can catch them in the early stages of their troublemaking, and have the backbone to do something about it, you can nearly always stop them in their tracks... and there's nothing like the feeling of stepping on a cockroach before it can crawl on you.
