Friday, January 01, 2010
My most religious friend weighs in
I gave her the whole story last night. She did not think that I'm suffering some bizarre psychosis... although, granted, it was very unlikely that SHE would. In fact, she revealed that when SHE first had experience with God she went through much the same things I did, right down to the wondering if she was going crazy. She told me it was comforting to her that *I* went through the same stuff... but how about how comforting HER experience was to ME, given how it's always seemed to me that she clearly had a connection to SOMETHING.
She thought that my revelation that karma was essentially God's subconscious mind was "profound"; we'll be spending some time talking about that one in the near future, which will hopefully lead to more insight.
A sobering thought from her was that possibly God WON'T be fixing The Bad Thing, that what he fixed was the anxiety that was crushing me and that's it. I admit that it's possible that the various "flashes" that I've had indicating that TBT was going to be fixed (including a recent one when I was preparing to put birthdays and such on my new calendar, opened it to January and thought with satisfaction, out of the blue, "THIS is the month that TBT was fixed") could have been just wishful thinking from a desperate mind... although that's how I was ready to dismiss the directly God-related things as well until He made that impossible. It's also entirely possible that TBT will be fixed purely based on my persistence, and God didn't see any need to do any more than hold me together to do so.
I admit to being disappointed that TBT has dragged on for 2 months, casting a pall over the entire holiday season and the start of a new year, a new decade, despite God's intervention in my life. It makes it hard to imagine how I'm supposed to make a convincing case for Him in the new spiritual blog when what I asked for help with is still dragging on and on weeks later. I guess this is where faith is supposed to come in... but, since He knows my nature, He knows that blind faith isn't how I operate. Of course I WANT to be able to feel faith in SOMETHING, with the hope and comfort that would come with it, the peace of mind... but, wouldn't it be foolish to have faith that He'll fix things if fixing my anxiety level is the limit of His intended help? Don't get me wrong, that's a HUGE amount of help, but what I mean is that just because He's proven to me that He'll do ONE sort of thing doesn't mean that I should then have faith that He'll do EVERYTHING... after all, not even the most religious person claims that God will do EVERYTHING He's asked to help with, or anywhere close to it.
If I in fact can't tell the difference between a message from God, either directly or via karma in the sorts of psychic flashes I've had all my life, and bursts of... wishful thinking... that'd be a serious impediment both to the development of faith and general spirituality. Barring further divine interventions, I'm dead in the water spiritually until TBT is resolved and I can sort out what happened.
God IS clearly still with me, though. My friend had gotten pretty sick in time for last night's party, although she hadn't let on to ME that she had more than a little sniffle. Yesterday morning, I asked God to help her to have the wisdom, understanding, etc that she'd need to help ME when I gave her the news (knowing that SHE would pray for that for herself if she knew such news was coming). At the party, people hadn't even finished arriving yet when she disappeared; she had gone to her room to take some medicine and try to collect herself, but she fell asleep and napped for FOUR hours. When she finally emerged, she made a repeated, dismayed issue of how she's NEVER slept with guests in her home before, much less for hours... well, really, who DOES? After she got the news, though, she revealed that she'd been so muddled pre-nap that she couldn't make proper sense of something I'd said to her, and that withOUT the nap she would've been worse than useless to me.
I told her about my having asked God to help her be ready to help ME... and we both immediately saw His hand in getting her to sleep the hours she needed (she who rarely gets 4 hours of solid sleep on her best night, as she kept reiterating) so that she could in fact provide meaningful feedback.
2010 will be an interesting year...
She thought that my revelation that karma was essentially God's subconscious mind was "profound"; we'll be spending some time talking about that one in the near future, which will hopefully lead to more insight.
A sobering thought from her was that possibly God WON'T be fixing The Bad Thing, that what he fixed was the anxiety that was crushing me and that's it. I admit that it's possible that the various "flashes" that I've had indicating that TBT was going to be fixed (including a recent one when I was preparing to put birthdays and such on my new calendar, opened it to January and thought with satisfaction, out of the blue, "THIS is the month that TBT was fixed") could have been just wishful thinking from a desperate mind... although that's how I was ready to dismiss the directly God-related things as well until He made that impossible. It's also entirely possible that TBT will be fixed purely based on my persistence, and God didn't see any need to do any more than hold me together to do so.
I admit to being disappointed that TBT has dragged on for 2 months, casting a pall over the entire holiday season and the start of a new year, a new decade, despite God's intervention in my life. It makes it hard to imagine how I'm supposed to make a convincing case for Him in the new spiritual blog when what I asked for help with is still dragging on and on weeks later. I guess this is where faith is supposed to come in... but, since He knows my nature, He knows that blind faith isn't how I operate. Of course I WANT to be able to feel faith in SOMETHING, with the hope and comfort that would come with it, the peace of mind... but, wouldn't it be foolish to have faith that He'll fix things if fixing my anxiety level is the limit of His intended help? Don't get me wrong, that's a HUGE amount of help, but what I mean is that just because He's proven to me that He'll do ONE sort of thing doesn't mean that I should then have faith that He'll do EVERYTHING... after all, not even the most religious person claims that God will do EVERYTHING He's asked to help with, or anywhere close to it.
If I in fact can't tell the difference between a message from God, either directly or via karma in the sorts of psychic flashes I've had all my life, and bursts of... wishful thinking... that'd be a serious impediment both to the development of faith and general spirituality. Barring further divine interventions, I'm dead in the water spiritually until TBT is resolved and I can sort out what happened.
God IS clearly still with me, though. My friend had gotten pretty sick in time for last night's party, although she hadn't let on to ME that she had more than a little sniffle. Yesterday morning, I asked God to help her to have the wisdom, understanding, etc that she'd need to help ME when I gave her the news (knowing that SHE would pray for that for herself if she knew such news was coming). At the party, people hadn't even finished arriving yet when she disappeared; she had gone to her room to take some medicine and try to collect herself, but she fell asleep and napped for FOUR hours. When she finally emerged, she made a repeated, dismayed issue of how she's NEVER slept with guests in her home before, much less for hours... well, really, who DOES? After she got the news, though, she revealed that she'd been so muddled pre-nap that she couldn't make proper sense of something I'd said to her, and that withOUT the nap she would've been worse than useless to me.
I told her about my having asked God to help her be ready to help ME... and we both immediately saw His hand in getting her to sleep the hours she needed (she who rarely gets 4 hours of solid sleep on her best night, as she kept reiterating) so that she could in fact provide meaningful feedback.
2010 will be an interesting year...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Old El Paso goodies
The nice people at MyBlogSpark and Old El Paso have sent me a "Tackle the Taste" gift pack that includes two free cans of Green Chiles, a football-shaped ceramic serving platter, two sets of football-themed plates, football-themed cocktail napkins, and a table runner that looks like a football field; VERY cute stuff, and sure to be a big hit on Superbowl Sunday... except for the chiles, which have of course already been consumed. They're especially good with eggs, for some reason; I don't eat eggs without chiles anymore.
They're letting me give away a gift pack, so if you want it send me your best recipe with chiles; the winner gets the goods!!
In the meantime, if you go here
http://bricks.coupons.com/Start.asp?tqnm=ql5oery70328375&bt=xs&o=60559&ci=1&c=GM&p=TFWYe75d
you can print out a coupon to save $0.55 on one can of Old El Paso Green Chiles.
They're letting me give away a gift pack, so if you want it send me your best recipe with chiles; the winner gets the goods!!
In the meantime, if you go here
http://bricks.coupons.com/Start.asp?tqnm=ql5oery70328375&bt=xs&o=60559&ci=1&c=GM&p=TFWYe75d
you can print out a coupon to save $0.55 on one can of Old El Paso Green Chiles.
