Saturday, February 20, 2010
A plea to parents and so-called experts
In an article called "Sext Ed" in the February issue of Family Circle, mothers are instructed to have their child give the following speech if s/he becomes the victim of the fallout from stupid sexting and is being teased:
"I made a big mistake. By bringing it up you're making me feel bad. I wouldn't do that to you if you were in my situation."
AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!
Listen to me, LISTEN: it never, ever, EVER works to a child's benefit if they give a speech to teasers or bullies. NEVER. No matter what the speech is, other kids see it as an attempt by the targeted child to act like an adult talking down to them, and this will always aggravate them and make them ESCALATE the teasing. ALWAYS.
No child who's having fun teasing or bullying will be reasoned into choosing to stop, not by an adult and certainly not by another child; even adults, who are usually more amenable to being reasoned with than children, don't change their preferred behaviors because someone ran their mouth... witness every time you've ever tried to talk anyone into changing a behavior you disliked, from leaving the toilet seat up to forgetting to put the milk back into the fridge, and failed.
No teasing/bullying child reacts with contrition upon hearing that they made the victim feel bad; the entire POINT of teasing and bullying is to make the victim feel bad, and saying so just gratifies the bully with a feeling of success. The bully will respond with laughter, grind his fists in his eyes while feigning loud crying, and rub his fingers together while chanting the old line about how "this is the world's smallest violin."
And, no teasing/bullying child would ever believe that any other child would refrain from teasing/bullying if they themselves were the ones who had "made a mistake"... and to tell them otherwise just makes them feel that the victim is lying and trying to portray themselves as superior, which, again, will aggravate them and make them ESCALATE the teasing.
Unless the victim is able to produce a blistering put-down that turns the tide of teasing against the ringleader, only the intervention of an adult with the authority to punish will stop teasing, this kind or any other.
What would *I* tell a girl who was stupid enough to send out a pic of her boobs that got passed around as described in the article? If the tease-leader is male, I'd tell her to look at him with icy contempt and say, "Why are you so excited by a photo of breasts... won't anyone let you look at any REAL ones?" Everyone will turn on a dime and start ragging HIM. For a female tease-leader, she can say, "What's the matter, jealous that no one likes YOUR breasts enough to ask for a photo of them?" Same effect.
If I were a parent, this overall issue would be a no-brainer for me; I wouldn't give a cell phone to a child until they got old enough to be dating and might need emergency help... and then, it'd be a phone with no camera or texting ability. Problem solved.
"I made a big mistake. By bringing it up you're making me feel bad. I wouldn't do that to you if you were in my situation."
AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!
Listen to me, LISTEN: it never, ever, EVER works to a child's benefit if they give a speech to teasers or bullies. NEVER. No matter what the speech is, other kids see it as an attempt by the targeted child to act like an adult talking down to them, and this will always aggravate them and make them ESCALATE the teasing. ALWAYS.
No child who's having fun teasing or bullying will be reasoned into choosing to stop, not by an adult and certainly not by another child; even adults, who are usually more amenable to being reasoned with than children, don't change their preferred behaviors because someone ran their mouth... witness every time you've ever tried to talk anyone into changing a behavior you disliked, from leaving the toilet seat up to forgetting to put the milk back into the fridge, and failed.
No teasing/bullying child reacts with contrition upon hearing that they made the victim feel bad; the entire POINT of teasing and bullying is to make the victim feel bad, and saying so just gratifies the bully with a feeling of success. The bully will respond with laughter, grind his fists in his eyes while feigning loud crying, and rub his fingers together while chanting the old line about how "this is the world's smallest violin."
And, no teasing/bullying child would ever believe that any other child would refrain from teasing/bullying if they themselves were the ones who had "made a mistake"... and to tell them otherwise just makes them feel that the victim is lying and trying to portray themselves as superior, which, again, will aggravate them and make them ESCALATE the teasing.
Unless the victim is able to produce a blistering put-down that turns the tide of teasing against the ringleader, only the intervention of an adult with the authority to punish will stop teasing, this kind or any other.
What would *I* tell a girl who was stupid enough to send out a pic of her boobs that got passed around as described in the article? If the tease-leader is male, I'd tell her to look at him with icy contempt and say, "Why are you so excited by a photo of breasts... won't anyone let you look at any REAL ones?" Everyone will turn on a dime and start ragging HIM. For a female tease-leader, she can say, "What's the matter, jealous that no one likes YOUR breasts enough to ask for a photo of them?" Same effect.
If I were a parent, this overall issue would be a no-brainer for me; I wouldn't give a cell phone to a child until they got old enough to be dating and might need emergency help... and then, it'd be a phone with no camera or texting ability. Problem solved.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls
The fine folks at Pillsbury and MyBlogSpark sent me the following info:
"Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls are warm, fresh, and ready to serve in just minutes. With an ooey-gooey texture and a delicious orange icing, Orange Sweet Rolls have a mouth watering aroma that is sure to bring your family together like no other breakfast! Packed with the love and flavor of a treat made from scratch, but without the time and cleanup, Orange Sweet Rolls are the perfect addition to your family's Sunday morning traditions."
And they don't lie; those Orange Sweet Rolls are TAAAAAAAAAAAAASTY!! And, easy enough to make that even my husband can make 'em, which is a big plus in my book. I'll never lose my lust for the cinnamon ones, but orange is right up there... and after all, there are TWO days to the weekend, right?
They also sent me a Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls gift pack that includes a VIP coupon for Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls as well as a very nice hanging photo album... and they're letting me give one away!! Whoever submits the best essay about how their family spends Sunday mornings will win it!!
I'll post the winner by the end of the weekend.
"Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls are warm, fresh, and ready to serve in just minutes. With an ooey-gooey texture and a delicious orange icing, Orange Sweet Rolls have a mouth watering aroma that is sure to bring your family together like no other breakfast! Packed with the love and flavor of a treat made from scratch, but without the time and cleanup, Orange Sweet Rolls are the perfect addition to your family's Sunday morning traditions."
And they don't lie; those Orange Sweet Rolls are TAAAAAAAAAAAAASTY!! And, easy enough to make that even my husband can make 'em, which is a big plus in my book. I'll never lose my lust for the cinnamon ones, but orange is right up there... and after all, there are TWO days to the weekend, right?
They also sent me a Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls gift pack that includes a VIP coupon for Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls as well as a very nice hanging photo album... and they're letting me give one away!! Whoever submits the best essay about how their family spends Sunday mornings will win it!!
I'll post the winner by the end of the weekend.
