Friday, December 29, 2006
2006: the year in review
2006 got derailed for me within its 1st few days by the revelation that my mother has stage 3 breast cancer; this year she went through chemo, surgery, radiation, pneumonia, and currently a blood clot in her lung. She's feeling well enough to work, though, and we're crossing our fingers that her upcoming test to see if there are cancer cells in her blood comes out clean; thank you, again, to those of you who have been praying and sending out + thoughts for her... and thanks from her also (it amazes her that total strangers would take the time to be interested in her illness, but that's because she doesn't know the blogosphere).
The stress of all this knocked out my immune system, giving me the worst flu of my life (it may have been pneumonia given the chest pain I had with it, but I never went to the doctor so I don't know) accompanied by my worst-ever case of hives; the latter continues to the present day (4 months and counting), although thankfully only 1 or 2 at a time now rather than dozens... and I've had hives in places you never thought hives would be, like right under the elastic of my panties (nothing like hives where you can't scratch them in public) and buried so deep in my navel that it took major skin stretching to see it much less scratch it. Even worse was food poisoning so horrible that my husband nearly took me to the emergency room; that was the sickest I'd ever been from any source in my entire life. Almost as bad was that my husband, who normally NEVER gets sick, ended up with the flus (we got 2 within a few months) and food poisoning too, although of course he never got as sick as I did; my #1 hope for 2007 is that the health of my immediate family will be FAR better than it was this year.
The next biggest change for me was that, after 2 solid years of posting on this blog every day, I was so exhausted, and so behind on my reading and everything else in my life, that I reluctantly scaled back to every 2, 3, and eventually 4 days; it was a major shock to my system, but unlike the many who are "addicted" to blogging I never missed it or felt any desire to return to daily posting. The good news is that because of that decision I'm alot less sleep-deprived than I was and have gotten alot done; the bad news is that this and the added stress seem to have dried up my spiritual progress. My spirituality isn't based on subjective feelings (I've never felt "oneness with the universe" or anything like that-I'm a very unmystical mystic), so it's not that I don't "feel it" anymore; it's that the intuition that allowed me to see how things fit together stopped its flow of revelations into my conscious mind, or maybe it's that when I was tired the barriers got thin and allowed it to slip through, and now that I'm less tired my conscious mind is blocking it. I've belatedly realized that I'm going to have to start making a conscious effort to glimpse behind the curtain of what our primitive senses and data-editing-and-distorting brains tell us is reality if I want to keep evolving spiritually, and I'm going to push myself to do so in the new year.
On the + side, despite my dropping down to only posting a couple of times a week I somehow managed to be "promoted" to a Google PageRank 6, which is mind-blowing for a little niche blog that features long posts and atypical topics... oh, and doesn't have a fancy template (this shouldn't make one bit of difference, but apparently it's a major issue for some). With the ever-increasing focus of the blogosphere on news (technical and entertainment as well as the standard kind), I know I can't expect to keep it forever, but it's sure nice to have it now... and it's even possible that the existence of fewer "non-newsy" blogs will increase demand for long, detailed essays (hope springs eternal, lol).
This was a big year for critters: The sad part was the gradual, and finally permanent, disappearance of our little possum friends; we don't know if they just moved along, as is standard for their species (possums won't normally hang around for more than a few days), or if they're
(dead)
living in some wilderness area now because they got relocated for eating pet food on someone's patio. The possums were clearly as dumb as rocks (except for the little female, of course), but they were sweet harmless creatures, and they'd smile at me when I spoke to them, especially the alpha male (who would come right up to the sliding glass door and look around for me if I wasn't where he expected me to be, which always melted my heart).
The wonderful part was that for a couple of months we were receiving a variety of raccoon visitors; as with the possums, the group seemed to be all male except for one beautiful female. I was told that the raccoons live in a nearby area where some construction was going on, and that the upheaval had caused them to branch out temporarily in search of calmer places to find food; we'd hoped that they'd become permanent visitors once the hooraw was over, but they must have decided in favor of sticking closer to home, because they all vanished at about the same time... and nothing, not relocaters, rock-throwing kids, unchained dogs or anything else could eliminate
(or kill)
a group of adult raccoons within the space of a few days. We've also had some skunks this year, including one female who comes regularly and shows no fear of me whatsoever; she's our only mammalian visitor currently, but I'm hoping that as it gets colder more of the local wildlife will start showing up to have easy access to food.
I went to my 1st-ever punk show this year; yeah, it's odd at my age, but it was a blast. I can't tell you directly who I saw, since it's a vaguely obscure band and if my friends look them up online I don't want them ending up here, but you can find out who they are and listen to their best song in its entirety at this URL
http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2006/05/stairways_to_he.html
Go down to "Update 4" and click on the link AFTER the one for Iron Maiden; it'll sound awful for about 30 seconds, but that's on purpose (it's part of their shtick) and not indicative of the brilliance of the actual song, trust me... this is about the only band I'd go to see in concert that wouldn't require a time machine.
If I DID have that time machine, I'd go to see a band that I'd never experienced before this year; Pantera... the time machine would be necessary because Dimebag Darrell, the greatest guitar player who ever lived and the soul of the band, was murdered 2 years ago. I discovered them while watching Metal Mania on VH1 Classic; they played the video for Pantera's biggest hit, "Walk," which you can hear here
http://www.radioblogclub.com/open/123254/pantera/Pantera%20-%20Walk
and my heart stopped in my chest... it was that powerful. I remember shrieking "WHO IS THAT?!!" and being crushed when I found out the band's name and connected it to the memory of a news story about the murder of the man whose guitar playing I'd just discovered and become instantly obsessed with. I'd barely even heard of Pantera before this year, and now they're one of my all-time favorite bands.
VH1 Classic, to which I'm eternally grateful, was another new addition to my life this year; most of the videos they play (and they DO play almost exclusively videos, unlike MTV) are from the 80's, which is "my decade" musically, and since I hadn't seen any of them since I stopped watching MTV in 1991 (I couldn't take the grunge and the speed metal) it was pure ecstasy to see them again. I watched the channel obsessively for weeks, but eventually tapered down to just Metal Mania and usually Rock Fest... and am still loving every minute of it.
This was also the year I realized that I had a closet full of shirts that no longer fit over my boobs and/or are too "young" for me to wear anymore without looking silly, and that because of being a geek and being able to dress like one all the time I'd never acquired the wardrobe for the different sorts of occasions that someone my age would be expected to be able to get dressed for without needing to run to the mall... and thus began a frenzy of eBay clothing purchases that dwarfs the underwear-related early midlife crisis I had last year (see my post of 8-19-05). I gave *78* shirts/sweaters and a pile of pants to Goodwill, and replaced them all with new stuff... and now I have age-appropriate clothes for every possible occasion that doesn't require a ball gown, for every season of the year.
That's about it for major events for 2006; if you ignore the illness-related stuff it was a pretty good year... hopefully, 2007 will be even better.
The stress of all this knocked out my immune system, giving me the worst flu of my life (it may have been pneumonia given the chest pain I had with it, but I never went to the doctor so I don't know) accompanied by my worst-ever case of hives; the latter continues to the present day (4 months and counting), although thankfully only 1 or 2 at a time now rather than dozens... and I've had hives in places you never thought hives would be, like right under the elastic of my panties (nothing like hives where you can't scratch them in public) and buried so deep in my navel that it took major skin stretching to see it much less scratch it. Even worse was food poisoning so horrible that my husband nearly took me to the emergency room; that was the sickest I'd ever been from any source in my entire life. Almost as bad was that my husband, who normally NEVER gets sick, ended up with the flus (we got 2 within a few months) and food poisoning too, although of course he never got as sick as I did; my #1 hope for 2007 is that the health of my immediate family will be FAR better than it was this year.
The next biggest change for me was that, after 2 solid years of posting on this blog every day, I was so exhausted, and so behind on my reading and everything else in my life, that I reluctantly scaled back to every 2, 3, and eventually 4 days; it was a major shock to my system, but unlike the many who are "addicted" to blogging I never missed it or felt any desire to return to daily posting. The good news is that because of that decision I'm alot less sleep-deprived than I was and have gotten alot done; the bad news is that this and the added stress seem to have dried up my spiritual progress. My spirituality isn't based on subjective feelings (I've never felt "oneness with the universe" or anything like that-I'm a very unmystical mystic), so it's not that I don't "feel it" anymore; it's that the intuition that allowed me to see how things fit together stopped its flow of revelations into my conscious mind, or maybe it's that when I was tired the barriers got thin and allowed it to slip through, and now that I'm less tired my conscious mind is blocking it. I've belatedly realized that I'm going to have to start making a conscious effort to glimpse behind the curtain of what our primitive senses and data-editing-and-distorting brains tell us is reality if I want to keep evolving spiritually, and I'm going to push myself to do so in the new year.
On the + side, despite my dropping down to only posting a couple of times a week I somehow managed to be "promoted" to a Google PageRank 6, which is mind-blowing for a little niche blog that features long posts and atypical topics... oh, and doesn't have a fancy template (this shouldn't make one bit of difference, but apparently it's a major issue for some). With the ever-increasing focus of the blogosphere on news (technical and entertainment as well as the standard kind), I know I can't expect to keep it forever, but it's sure nice to have it now... and it's even possible that the existence of fewer "non-newsy" blogs will increase demand for long, detailed essays (hope springs eternal, lol).
This was a big year for critters: The sad part was the gradual, and finally permanent, disappearance of our little possum friends; we don't know if they just moved along, as is standard for their species (possums won't normally hang around for more than a few days), or if they're
(dead)
living in some wilderness area now because they got relocated for eating pet food on someone's patio. The possums were clearly as dumb as rocks (except for the little female, of course), but they were sweet harmless creatures, and they'd smile at me when I spoke to them, especially the alpha male (who would come right up to the sliding glass door and look around for me if I wasn't where he expected me to be, which always melted my heart).
The wonderful part was that for a couple of months we were receiving a variety of raccoon visitors; as with the possums, the group seemed to be all male except for one beautiful female. I was told that the raccoons live in a nearby area where some construction was going on, and that the upheaval had caused them to branch out temporarily in search of calmer places to find food; we'd hoped that they'd become permanent visitors once the hooraw was over, but they must have decided in favor of sticking closer to home, because they all vanished at about the same time... and nothing, not relocaters, rock-throwing kids, unchained dogs or anything else could eliminate
(or kill)
a group of adult raccoons within the space of a few days. We've also had some skunks this year, including one female who comes regularly and shows no fear of me whatsoever; she's our only mammalian visitor currently, but I'm hoping that as it gets colder more of the local wildlife will start showing up to have easy access to food.
I went to my 1st-ever punk show this year; yeah, it's odd at my age, but it was a blast. I can't tell you directly who I saw, since it's a vaguely obscure band and if my friends look them up online I don't want them ending up here, but you can find out who they are and listen to their best song in its entirety at this URL
http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2006/05/stairways_to_he.html
Go down to "Update 4" and click on the link AFTER the one for Iron Maiden; it'll sound awful for about 30 seconds, but that's on purpose (it's part of their shtick) and not indicative of the brilliance of the actual song, trust me... this is about the only band I'd go to see in concert that wouldn't require a time machine.
If I DID have that time machine, I'd go to see a band that I'd never experienced before this year; Pantera... the time machine would be necessary because Dimebag Darrell, the greatest guitar player who ever lived and the soul of the band, was murdered 2 years ago. I discovered them while watching Metal Mania on VH1 Classic; they played the video for Pantera's biggest hit, "Walk," which you can hear here
http://www.radioblogclub.com/open/123254/pantera/Pantera%20-%20Walk
and my heart stopped in my chest... it was that powerful. I remember shrieking "WHO IS THAT?!!" and being crushed when I found out the band's name and connected it to the memory of a news story about the murder of the man whose guitar playing I'd just discovered and become instantly obsessed with. I'd barely even heard of Pantera before this year, and now they're one of my all-time favorite bands.
VH1 Classic, to which I'm eternally grateful, was another new addition to my life this year; most of the videos they play (and they DO play almost exclusively videos, unlike MTV) are from the 80's, which is "my decade" musically, and since I hadn't seen any of them since I stopped watching MTV in 1991 (I couldn't take the grunge and the speed metal) it was pure ecstasy to see them again. I watched the channel obsessively for weeks, but eventually tapered down to just Metal Mania and usually Rock Fest... and am still loving every minute of it.
This was also the year I realized that I had a closet full of shirts that no longer fit over my boobs and/or are too "young" for me to wear anymore without looking silly, and that because of being a geek and being able to dress like one all the time I'd never acquired the wardrobe for the different sorts of occasions that someone my age would be expected to be able to get dressed for without needing to run to the mall... and thus began a frenzy of eBay clothing purchases that dwarfs the underwear-related early midlife crisis I had last year (see my post of 8-19-05). I gave *78* shirts/sweaters and a pile of pants to Goodwill, and replaced them all with new stuff... and now I have age-appropriate clothes for every possible occasion that doesn't require a ball gown, for every season of the year.
That's about it for major events for 2006; if you ignore the illness-related stuff it was a pretty good year... hopefully, 2007 will be even better.
Monday, December 25, 2006
"Bloggers' Night Before Christmas" and other holiday humor
Since my last couple of posts have been kinda downbeat, I'm making up for it with some humor for Christmas. First and foremost, I've written a little spoof on the classic poem "The Night Before Christmas," which non-Western readers can find here
http://www.carols.org.uk/twas_the_night_before_christmas.htm
along with a description of where it came from (did you know that the concept of flying reindeer was invented in this poem?). I didn't spoof the entire thing because it's LONG, and, while regular readers are aware that I don't shy away from long-windedness, I read some other spoofs that were full-length or close to it and found that even the cleverest of them stopped being funny after a certain # of lines, so I created accordingly. I used the same # of syllables per line as the original, and the same rhyme scheme until the last couplet; I didn't stick to the meter too closely, because that would've taken alot more time, and no one would notice much less care... you probably don't care about the technical points of the poem either, lol, so without further ado here it is:
Bloggers' Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and inside each house
Was a blogger quite busy with keyboard and mouse.
A post each one published on Blogger with care;
Then viewed the results with a horrified stare.
They wistfully thought of their comfortable beds
While dealing with problems that each blogger dreads:
The bloggers on Beta are caught in a trap
They cannot revert though their blogs turned to cr*p.
Blogger has always got something the matter
Both versions have problems, not just the latter:
Our lengthiest posts disappear in a flash
To see our file uploads we must delete cache
The style sheet's gone crazy, but why we don't know
The sidebar's no longer beside, it's below
Your blog skin and link list may soon disappear
Along with your archives for most of the year
Unless you go back up your template, and QUICK
You might lose it all with just one ill-timed click.
And if all of that is too much of a pain
You'd better ask Santa for your own domain.
I hadn't intended to write anything myself originally, but when I was going through a huge list of spoofs of the poem I was stunned to see that there wasn't one for bloggers, or Blogger, and possible lines started buzzing in my head, with the above result. I DID find a computer-related spoof of a different poem, though:
The Twelve Bugs of Christmas
For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Tell them it's a feature
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it, and
See if they can do it again.
http://www.getamused.com/jokes/0321106.html
And finally, one other thing that I thought was particularly funny:
Why Santa Is A Woman
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the store bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.......
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
http://www.getamused.com/jokes/032141.html
Merry Christmas from the Omniverse!! xo
http://www.carols.org.uk/twas_the_night_before_christmas.htm
along with a description of where it came from (did you know that the concept of flying reindeer was invented in this poem?). I didn't spoof the entire thing because it's LONG, and, while regular readers are aware that I don't shy away from long-windedness, I read some other spoofs that were full-length or close to it and found that even the cleverest of them stopped being funny after a certain # of lines, so I created accordingly. I used the same # of syllables per line as the original, and the same rhyme scheme until the last couplet; I didn't stick to the meter too closely, because that would've taken alot more time, and no one would notice much less care... you probably don't care about the technical points of the poem either, lol, so without further ado here it is:
Bloggers' Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and inside each house
Was a blogger quite busy with keyboard and mouse.
A post each one published on Blogger with care;
Then viewed the results with a horrified stare.
They wistfully thought of their comfortable beds
While dealing with problems that each blogger dreads:
The bloggers on Beta are caught in a trap
They cannot revert though their blogs turned to cr*p.
Blogger has always got something the matter
Both versions have problems, not just the latter:
Our lengthiest posts disappear in a flash
To see our file uploads we must delete cache
The style sheet's gone crazy, but why we don't know
The sidebar's no longer beside, it's below
Your blog skin and link list may soon disappear
Along with your archives for most of the year
Unless you go back up your template, and QUICK
You might lose it all with just one ill-timed click.
And if all of that is too much of a pain
You'd better ask Santa for your own domain.
I hadn't intended to write anything myself originally, but when I was going through a huge list of spoofs of the poem I was stunned to see that there wasn't one for bloggers, or Blogger, and possible lines started buzzing in my head, with the above result. I DID find a computer-related spoof of a different poem, though:
The Twelve Bugs of Christmas
For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Tell them it's a feature
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it, and
See if they can do it again.
http://www.getamused.com/jokes/0321106.html
And finally, one other thing that I thought was particularly funny:
Why Santa Is A Woman
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the store bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.......
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
http://www.getamused.com/jokes/032141.html
Merry Christmas from the Omniverse!! xo
