Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Why do men like bitches?
1st, the news:
It's a good thing someone was kind enough to help me resolve my sidebar issue (see my previous post), because Blogger actually ADMITTED in response to the request for help I sent SIX DAYS ago that they're not bothering with non-beta issues right now:
"This is an automated update from Blogger Support. We are currently focusing all of our efforts on Blogger in beta, and are unable to provide personal responses to other issues."
Well, at least they're honest; I feel bad for folks with NON-beta catastrophic issues, though. I'm not sure what WEBRING'S excuse is for THEIR delay in responding to my support request, especially since it's clear from their forum that other people are reporting the same problem; I'm getting kinda tired of having that wide banner sticking out like a sore thumb in my sidebar.
If you dropped by here in the past day or so, and were using certain versions of Firefox, you might have wondered what I meant when I said my sidebar was fixed, because you saw pieces of it all over the place; this occurred because I'd gotten lazy and hadn't tested how a cool new sidebar doodad
http://www.blingyblob.com/GenScratchOff/index.htm
worked in different browsers. Sadly, having no way to fix it, I had to take it out before I even got to post about putting it IN; I'm just glad I brought up Firefox (which I rarely use) so soon after installing the doodad, or some of you would've been seeing the Cubist version of my blog for a long time.
Is it possible for a sidebar to be CURSED?
There's a fascinating article in the July 2006 issue of Cosmo (yes, I'm still WAY behind in my reading) called "Why Men Can't Resist a Bitch" which provided me with several revelations. Let's dive right in:
"'Guys secretly admire women who are willing to throw out the rule book that says you have to cave to their every need to keep them happy,' says Argov. 'They want a woman who doesn't assume a subservient spot in the relationship-this instantly intrigues them.'"
I'd guess that this works because the unexpected is always noteworthy, because someone who gives in all the time is sort of pitiful and a person who doesn't is NOT, and because the woman who worked hardest to fulfill a man's needs is the least sexy woman he knows (his mother), and the less a woman reminds him of her the more excited he can be by her.
"Bitchy girls ooze the kind of bravado that says, 'I'm so out of your league.' 'Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is and what she wants,' explains Argov."
Although we're put off by someone who's arrogant or a braggart, we're generally directly influenced in our opinion of a person by how that person sees themselves; if a woman thinks she's great, then, a man will probably factor that into his impression of her. Furthermore, since most men have been bummed out in the past by women with low self esteem who demanded constant attention and compliments, I can see how a woman who thinks she's all that might seem like a good deal. If you're wondering why the lack of niceness implicit in the bitchy attitude doesn't cancel that out, keep in mind that most men are not only not attracted to niceness, but are bored by it; worse, they don't even value it much... have you ever heard a man talking about how NICE the people he cares about are?
"Because of that aloof brand of confidence, she isn't going to spend her precious time cheerfully doting on him. In fact, she may just throw a little attitude his way. Bingo: He instantly wants to inch closer to her. 'Always wanting what we can't have is part of human nature, and for single guys, it's even more magnified,' says New York clinical psychologist Belisa Vranich, PsyD. 'Having a woman who is difficult makes her seem like more of a conquest and, therefore, more of a prize.'"
"The mental challenge of winning over a bitch is also incredibly appealing because men are competitive by nature, explains Argov. 'Guys don't want a weak woman who is too submissive or a woman who wants a boyfriend because she doesn't feel complete without one,' she says."
There are countless movies that show men chasing women who don't seem interested, which always confused me as a kid because it doesn't seem logical to keep pursuing someone once they've blown you off; it STILL doesn't seem logical to me, but this is one of those areas where I've learned to just accept that maleness includes certain attitudes that make as little sense to me as the female love for shoe shopping makes to men.
"'Don't make yourself available all the time... Leave him wanting more,' says Argov. 'Men equate longing with love. Longing is good.'"
I knew that wanting more led to trying to GET more, but that this feels like LOVE to men is a new one; this is a powerful tool, if true.
"The bitch might come across as abrasive in the workplace or at an airport counter, but to her guy's ears, it's the kind of talking that makes sense. She's no squawking shrew who goes off on him (which men can't stand, by the way), but she doesn't tiptoe around the issues, which guys like because they know what they're getting.
'Sometimes it's easier for a man to deal with her than with a woman who waffles or appears to be too emotional because the emotionally sensitive type of woman confuses him,' says Argov. 'The bitch knows what she likes and has an easier time expressing it. As a result, she usually gets what she wants.'"
Men see the way they communicate with each other as "right," and the female way of communicating as "wrong" (or at the very least unpleasant and undesirable), so it makes sense that they're happier when women communicate with them in the way they're used to and most comfortable with.
"Additionally, her man is able to find out exactly where he stands in the relationship. 'Let's face it, some guys need the subtlety of a brick to the head,' says communications expert Lorna McLaren, who teaches assertiveness skills to women in several countries. 'If they can avoid the dreaded guesswork of what their women want and avoid the ultimate blame for getting it wrong in the end, huge amounts of pressure are gone right there.'
Mike, 30, explains the unique allure of an unapologetically direct chick. 'There are fewer games and emotional hoops to jump through with bitchy girls. This makes for an easier relationship because all of your mental energy isn't spent decoding what your woman really wants or thinking of the next conversation to carry.'"
THAT was what stopped me in my tracks when I 1st read the article; we normally see a mean person of either gender as being MORE difficult to deal with in every sort of relationship, so the idea that bitchiness makes a woman EASIER for a man to be romantically involved with was mind-blowing.
But wait a minute; 1st the bitch was more attractive because she was more of a challenge, and now she's more attractive because she's LESS of a challenge? HUH?!! All I can figure is that the challenge of "getting" a woman is an enjoyable one, and the challenge of figuring out what a woman wants, something most men are awful at, is UNenjoyable and therefore UNdesirable... or, maybe it's just that once the prize is won, the man doesn't want to have to struggle anymore.
"And when you do pipe up, avoid pulling a damsel-in-distress act. 'Be succinct and speak in a bottom-line way without whining or letting your voice quiver,' says Argov. 'When a man hears you becoming emotional, he assumes has the upper hand.'"
Woe betide any man who thought he had the upper hand with ME because I showed emotion of any type or degree, lol, but in general I think this is a good one; men see tearful types as weak and inferior, and that doesn't inspire their respect, much less their romantic feelings.
"'It's like a reverse magnet: The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in.'"
What a contrary species we are!! Why must our interest in a person be INcreased if they're less attached to us than we are to them?
"The funny thing about men is that while they live in perpetual fear of being trapped, they really thrive with women who can set boundaries and who push back when they try to cross the line. 'If a man doesn't have boundaries, he begins to feel a sense of aimlessness in the relationship,' explains Patricia Farrell, PhD, author of 'How to Be Your Own Therapist.'
Keeping him in line also appeals to his pragmatic side. 'It's easier for a guy to reason, She would kill me if she found out I went to a strip club, rather than, This is wrong, and it would cause me guilt,' says Vranich. 'Men may not always admit it, but they like having rules. As long as she isn't acting like his mother, it's more appealing for a guy to know he's with a woman who just won't put up with bad behavior.'"
The so-called experts have been telling women to be MORE tolerant of small-time bad behaviors from men for years now, to stop making a fuss if they don't show up on time and so forth, to just accept these things and not try to change the men... that's been truly harmful advice if the above is true.
I've got no way to judge how many of these things apply to the majority of men, but it's the simple truth that an alarming # of guys DO seem to be willing, even eager, to be romantically involved with bitches, so SOME of this stuff's gotta be right; I'm grateful to Cosmo for explaining an aspect of male psychology that'd eluded me for years.
It's a good thing someone was kind enough to help me resolve my sidebar issue (see my previous post), because Blogger actually ADMITTED in response to the request for help I sent SIX DAYS ago that they're not bothering with non-beta issues right now:
"This is an automated update from Blogger Support. We are currently focusing all of our efforts on Blogger in beta, and are unable to provide personal responses to other issues."
Well, at least they're honest; I feel bad for folks with NON-beta catastrophic issues, though. I'm not sure what WEBRING'S excuse is for THEIR delay in responding to my support request, especially since it's clear from their forum that other people are reporting the same problem; I'm getting kinda tired of having that wide banner sticking out like a sore thumb in my sidebar.
If you dropped by here in the past day or so, and were using certain versions of Firefox, you might have wondered what I meant when I said my sidebar was fixed, because you saw pieces of it all over the place; this occurred because I'd gotten lazy and hadn't tested how a cool new sidebar doodad
http://www.blingyblob.com/GenScratchOff/index.htm
worked in different browsers. Sadly, having no way to fix it, I had to take it out before I even got to post about putting it IN; I'm just glad I brought up Firefox (which I rarely use) so soon after installing the doodad, or some of you would've been seeing the Cubist version of my blog for a long time.
Is it possible for a sidebar to be CURSED?
There's a fascinating article in the July 2006 issue of Cosmo (yes, I'm still WAY behind in my reading) called "Why Men Can't Resist a Bitch" which provided me with several revelations. Let's dive right in:
"'Guys secretly admire women who are willing to throw out the rule book that says you have to cave to their every need to keep them happy,' says Argov. 'They want a woman who doesn't assume a subservient spot in the relationship-this instantly intrigues them.'"
I'd guess that this works because the unexpected is always noteworthy, because someone who gives in all the time is sort of pitiful and a person who doesn't is NOT, and because the woman who worked hardest to fulfill a man's needs is the least sexy woman he knows (his mother), and the less a woman reminds him of her the more excited he can be by her.
"Bitchy girls ooze the kind of bravado that says, 'I'm so out of your league.' 'Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is and what she wants,' explains Argov."
Although we're put off by someone who's arrogant or a braggart, we're generally directly influenced in our opinion of a person by how that person sees themselves; if a woman thinks she's great, then, a man will probably factor that into his impression of her. Furthermore, since most men have been bummed out in the past by women with low self esteem who demanded constant attention and compliments, I can see how a woman who thinks she's all that might seem like a good deal. If you're wondering why the lack of niceness implicit in the bitchy attitude doesn't cancel that out, keep in mind that most men are not only not attracted to niceness, but are bored by it; worse, they don't even value it much... have you ever heard a man talking about how NICE the people he cares about are?
"Because of that aloof brand of confidence, she isn't going to spend her precious time cheerfully doting on him. In fact, she may just throw a little attitude his way. Bingo: He instantly wants to inch closer to her. 'Always wanting what we can't have is part of human nature, and for single guys, it's even more magnified,' says New York clinical psychologist Belisa Vranich, PsyD. 'Having a woman who is difficult makes her seem like more of a conquest and, therefore, more of a prize.'"
"The mental challenge of winning over a bitch is also incredibly appealing because men are competitive by nature, explains Argov. 'Guys don't want a weak woman who is too submissive or a woman who wants a boyfriend because she doesn't feel complete without one,' she says."
There are countless movies that show men chasing women who don't seem interested, which always confused me as a kid because it doesn't seem logical to keep pursuing someone once they've blown you off; it STILL doesn't seem logical to me, but this is one of those areas where I've learned to just accept that maleness includes certain attitudes that make as little sense to me as the female love for shoe shopping makes to men.
"'Don't make yourself available all the time... Leave him wanting more,' says Argov. 'Men equate longing with love. Longing is good.'"
I knew that wanting more led to trying to GET more, but that this feels like LOVE to men is a new one; this is a powerful tool, if true.
"The bitch might come across as abrasive in the workplace or at an airport counter, but to her guy's ears, it's the kind of talking that makes sense. She's no squawking shrew who goes off on him (which men can't stand, by the way), but she doesn't tiptoe around the issues, which guys like because they know what they're getting.
'Sometimes it's easier for a man to deal with her than with a woman who waffles or appears to be too emotional because the emotionally sensitive type of woman confuses him,' says Argov. 'The bitch knows what she likes and has an easier time expressing it. As a result, she usually gets what she wants.'"
Men see the way they communicate with each other as "right," and the female way of communicating as "wrong" (or at the very least unpleasant and undesirable), so it makes sense that they're happier when women communicate with them in the way they're used to and most comfortable with.
"Additionally, her man is able to find out exactly where he stands in the relationship. 'Let's face it, some guys need the subtlety of a brick to the head,' says communications expert Lorna McLaren, who teaches assertiveness skills to women in several countries. 'If they can avoid the dreaded guesswork of what their women want and avoid the ultimate blame for getting it wrong in the end, huge amounts of pressure are gone right there.'
Mike, 30, explains the unique allure of an unapologetically direct chick. 'There are fewer games and emotional hoops to jump through with bitchy girls. This makes for an easier relationship because all of your mental energy isn't spent decoding what your woman really wants or thinking of the next conversation to carry.'"
THAT was what stopped me in my tracks when I 1st read the article; we normally see a mean person of either gender as being MORE difficult to deal with in every sort of relationship, so the idea that bitchiness makes a woman EASIER for a man to be romantically involved with was mind-blowing.
But wait a minute; 1st the bitch was more attractive because she was more of a challenge, and now she's more attractive because she's LESS of a challenge? HUH?!! All I can figure is that the challenge of "getting" a woman is an enjoyable one, and the challenge of figuring out what a woman wants, something most men are awful at, is UNenjoyable and therefore UNdesirable... or, maybe it's just that once the prize is won, the man doesn't want to have to struggle anymore.
"And when you do pipe up, avoid pulling a damsel-in-distress act. 'Be succinct and speak in a bottom-line way without whining or letting your voice quiver,' says Argov. 'When a man hears you becoming emotional, he assumes has the upper hand.'"
Woe betide any man who thought he had the upper hand with ME because I showed emotion of any type or degree, lol, but in general I think this is a good one; men see tearful types as weak and inferior, and that doesn't inspire their respect, much less their romantic feelings.
"'It's like a reverse magnet: The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in.'"
What a contrary species we are!! Why must our interest in a person be INcreased if they're less attached to us than we are to them?
"The funny thing about men is that while they live in perpetual fear of being trapped, they really thrive with women who can set boundaries and who push back when they try to cross the line. 'If a man doesn't have boundaries, he begins to feel a sense of aimlessness in the relationship,' explains Patricia Farrell, PhD, author of 'How to Be Your Own Therapist.'
Keeping him in line also appeals to his pragmatic side. 'It's easier for a guy to reason, She would kill me if she found out I went to a strip club, rather than, This is wrong, and it would cause me guilt,' says Vranich. 'Men may not always admit it, but they like having rules. As long as she isn't acting like his mother, it's more appealing for a guy to know he's with a woman who just won't put up with bad behavior.'"
The so-called experts have been telling women to be MORE tolerant of small-time bad behaviors from men for years now, to stop making a fuss if they don't show up on time and so forth, to just accept these things and not try to change the men... that's been truly harmful advice if the above is true.
I've got no way to judge how many of these things apply to the majority of men, but it's the simple truth that an alarming # of guys DO seem to be willing, even eager, to be romantically involved with bitches, so SOME of this stuff's gotta be right; I'm grateful to Cosmo for explaining an aspect of male psychology that'd eluded me for years.
