Friday, May 19, 2006
The bigger the corporation, the greater the stupidity
Today's post concerns what I went through during a nearly 2 hour period courtesy of 2 of the biggest companies in America; Bank of America and MBNA. The latter is "the world's largest independent credit card issuer"...or rather it WAS, because it was "acquired by Bank of America in 2005"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MBNA
so they're technically the same company now, although the deal wasn't sealed until January '06 and the integration process has apparently not been completed yet.
The insanity started innocently enough; I got a bill from my AAA credit card, on which my AAA towing service dues are billed each year, and, since I have online banking with B of A now, I naturally wanted to pay this bill online. I logged in and went to the list of established payees; there WAS a listing for AAA, but it didn't specify that it was the credit card branch, so I assumed it wasn't, and called them to find out if they could receive payments via online banking... I've learned the hard way that just because ONE division of a company can take online payments does NOT mean that they ALL can. After the usual endless floundering around in their automated system trying to find a way to talk to a person, I finally got a guy who thought I wanted to talk about something very different than my actual issue but claimed he could handle whatever I needed; after verifying that they could in fact receive online payments, my next question was whether to enter my account # into the B of A system with or without the spaces it's formatted with on my statement (I've been assured by all involved when adding previous payees that it makes a difference):
AAA guy: I don't know-you have to ask B of A about that.
Me: They say that I have to ask YOU about that-they have no information about how different payees want their account #'s formatted.
AAA guy: I can't see their system, so I don't know how they want it.
Me: THEY don't want it any particular way; they say to format it the way YOU want it, the way your system expects it to be.
AAA guy: I don't know what that would be, because I don't work for B of A...
Me: You clearly don't know enough about this topic to assist me; please connect me to a supervisor.
AAA guy: Yes ma'am... (long pause)... Ma'am, I've spoken to my supervisor, and he's asked me to connect you to a supervisor at B of A who will help you with this.
Me: You're connecting me to a *B of A* supervisor?!!
AAA guy: Yes ma'am-hang on, and I'll transfer you.
(long hold with bad Muzak)
B of A lady: Ma'am? You wanted to add a payee to your online banking, is that correct?
Me: Yes; AAA Financial Services.
B of A lady: Please allow me to verify your security info, and I'll assist you in doing that right now.
She talked me through the absurdly complicated process of adding the payee; the high points were when she insisted that I use the section for paying an INDIVIDUAL rather than the one for paying a company, for which no coherent explanation was forthcoming, and the struggle to figure out how to format the account #:
B of A lady: Just put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
Me: Thus far, every company I've added to my payee list has instructed me to format the account # in a DIFFERENT way than on the statement.
B of A lady: Ma'am, just put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
Me: Are you speaking from specific knowledge about this company?
B of A lady: No ma'am, but you can use the format that's used on your statement.
Me: (entering the account # withOUT the spaces that it has on the statement) Uh-huh.
Several steps later, I was at the point where I should have been able to make a payment, but she stopped me because something looked wrong at her end, and she wanted to figure out why it didn't seem like they had whatever it was that would have indicated that AAA Financial could accept an online payment from B of A; she asked me to hold while she sorted it out. When she came back on, many minutes later, she'd added a manager from MBNA to the conversation, which is what she'd ended up with when she called AAA Financial for some answers.
MBNA guy: Ma'am, you need to be sending that payment to US rather than to AAA; your card is from them, but we actually handle their credit cards for them.
Me: {sigh} It'd be nice if it SAID that somewhere on my statement; there's no mention of MBNA on here anywhere, and no way for a customer to guess that online payments should go to you rather than to AAA Financial.
MBNA guy: You must be looking at an old statement.
Me: No, I'm looking at the statement I got YESTERDAY, my May 2006 statement, and all it says is AAA, which is what's on the card itself.
MBNA guy: Yes ma'am, but WE actually handle the credit cards for them.
Me: I understand that, but you're still not mentioned on my statement.
MBNA guy: I don't know why your statement is that way...
Me: They didn't make a special statement just for ME; ALL their credit card statements look like this, withOUT any reference to MBNA.
MBNA guy: That doesn't make any sense, but you can still pay US and that will pay your AAA card.
Me: OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhK, let's give it a shot.
MBNA was on the list of payees for B of A's online setup, so I clicked on them and:
Me: How do I enter the account #, with or without the spaces?
B of A lady: Put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
MBNA guy: Do it withOUT the spaces.
Me: We have one vote for spaces, and one for withOUT spaces; what am I supposed to do?
(silence)
Me: Well? Do either of you have any specific experience with the B of A/MBNA interface, or are you just guessing?
B of A lady: Just put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
MBNA guy: Do it withOUT the spaces.
Me: LOL!!!!!!!!! You DO both see how ridiculous this is, don't you, that you're giving me contradictory answers?
B of A lady: Ma'am, you should probably do it the way MBNA Guy says to, that's probably safer.
So I did that, and again got to the point where I should have been able to enter a payment:
B of A lady: What I'm showing for MBNA is the blah bah certificate, not the actual credit card blah blah, will the payment still go to you?
MBNA guy: The blah blah certificate is a different thing, I don't know why it says that, but it'll still go to us.
B of A lady: I have the following address for MBNA; blah blah blah.
MBNA guy: That's not right, we don't have any PO Boxes that start with those #'s, we just have blah and blah blah.
B of A lady: I don't have any of those #'s showing here. Ma'am, what PO Box is on your statement?
Me: Blah blah blah.
MBNA guy: I don't recognize THAT # either.
Me: (laughing half-hysterically) So, we have all these different PO Boxes for MBNA, none of which overlap and some of which MBNA Guy can't even identify as being associated with his company? This is CRAZY!! All I'm trying to do is pay a major company via online banking with the biggest bank in the country, and we can't even agree on what ADDRESS the payment is supposed to go to?
MBNA Guy: You're the 1st person to have this problem, so...
Me: So WHAT? What does that change? Every other AAA Financial customer gets the exact same statement that I got, every B of A customer has the same list of payees that I do, with the same information attached to them in the B of A system, so this is NOT a problem with ME.
MBNA guy: There shouldn't BE a problem, we're merging with B of A and they should have all the correct information.
B of A lady: Merging!! I didn't know that!! (And this is a MANAGER!!)
MBNA guy: Yeah, so... hang on, let me check on a couple of things. (he puts us on hold)
Me: How thrilled are you to be merging with THIS company?
B of A lady: Not thrilled at all!!
Me: If this were YOUR bill, how willing would YOU be to pay it via the MBNA link you've got in your payee list?
B of A lady: I hate to say this, but I would not try to pay with that at this time.
Me: Me neither; I'm going to pay by mail, which I KNOW will go to the right address.
B of A lady: I've never heard of the information on a statement being the wrong thing to use to pay online; for everyone else, you use whatever the statement says.
Me: I'm far from convinced at this point that an online payment should go to MBNA directly rather than to AAA Financial, too; I'm not going to risk any version of payment of this bill online until you've got AAA Financial on your payee list, which I hope you will by the next time I need to pay off this card.
B of A lady: That's probably the best thing to do, yes.
MBNA guy: Thank you for holding; I wasn't able to verify that any of those other PO Boxes are ours, sorry.
Me: LOL!!! Sorry, but this has been a VERY long process, and it keeps getting more absurd!! LOL!!!! I'm going to MAIL my payment; despite your concerns about all the info on my statement, I'm totally confident that my $ will get where it's supposed to go, just as it always has. Am I correct in assuming that both of you are going to have to give reports of some kind to your higher-ups about this inexplicable inability to make a simple online funds transfer between you?
MBNA guy: Yes, I have to report this.
B of A lady: I'm going to try... but I don't know if anyone will believe any of this.
Me: You have my permission to pass along my contact info to whoever has any doubts; I'll be happy to back you up.
B of A lady: Thank you, ma'am.
Me: I'd appreciate getting some verification that this has been handled, and knowing what the results were; I'd like you each to send me a letter explaining what happened on your end once this is settled... can I get that?
Both: Yes.
Me: Good. I want you to know that I don't blame either of you personally for this mess, as neither of you is responsible for setting this stuff up.
Both: LOL!!
Me: I'm really looking forward to hearing what the explanations are going to be for all this...
That's not really true, as I don't actually expect to GET the promised explanations; I might get form letters assuring me that everything is fixed, but I'll be amazed if I even get that much... big corporations do NOT want to spell out their screwups in writing.
Why did I invest nearly 2 hours in that train wreck? Because there was obviously all sorts of stuff messed up with these 2 giant companies, whose customers # in the MILLIONS, and by forcing all the problematic issues to be handled I'll be preventing who knows how many people from experiencing various forms of disaster... and I'm expecting some hard-core positive karma to come my way as a result.
Wasn't online banking supposed to make our lives EASIER?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MBNA
so they're technically the same company now, although the deal wasn't sealed until January '06 and the integration process has apparently not been completed yet.
The insanity started innocently enough; I got a bill from my AAA credit card, on which my AAA towing service dues are billed each year, and, since I have online banking with B of A now, I naturally wanted to pay this bill online. I logged in and went to the list of established payees; there WAS a listing for AAA, but it didn't specify that it was the credit card branch, so I assumed it wasn't, and called them to find out if they could receive payments via online banking... I've learned the hard way that just because ONE division of a company can take online payments does NOT mean that they ALL can. After the usual endless floundering around in their automated system trying to find a way to talk to a person, I finally got a guy who thought I wanted to talk about something very different than my actual issue but claimed he could handle whatever I needed; after verifying that they could in fact receive online payments, my next question was whether to enter my account # into the B of A system with or without the spaces it's formatted with on my statement (I've been assured by all involved when adding previous payees that it makes a difference):
AAA guy: I don't know-you have to ask B of A about that.
Me: They say that I have to ask YOU about that-they have no information about how different payees want their account #'s formatted.
AAA guy: I can't see their system, so I don't know how they want it.
Me: THEY don't want it any particular way; they say to format it the way YOU want it, the way your system expects it to be.
AAA guy: I don't know what that would be, because I don't work for B of A...
Me: You clearly don't know enough about this topic to assist me; please connect me to a supervisor.
AAA guy: Yes ma'am... (long pause)... Ma'am, I've spoken to my supervisor, and he's asked me to connect you to a supervisor at B of A who will help you with this.
Me: You're connecting me to a *B of A* supervisor?!!
AAA guy: Yes ma'am-hang on, and I'll transfer you.
(long hold with bad Muzak)
B of A lady: Ma'am? You wanted to add a payee to your online banking, is that correct?
Me: Yes; AAA Financial Services.
B of A lady: Please allow me to verify your security info, and I'll assist you in doing that right now.
She talked me through the absurdly complicated process of adding the payee; the high points were when she insisted that I use the section for paying an INDIVIDUAL rather than the one for paying a company, for which no coherent explanation was forthcoming, and the struggle to figure out how to format the account #:
B of A lady: Just put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
Me: Thus far, every company I've added to my payee list has instructed me to format the account # in a DIFFERENT way than on the statement.
B of A lady: Ma'am, just put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
Me: Are you speaking from specific knowledge about this company?
B of A lady: No ma'am, but you can use the format that's used on your statement.
Me: (entering the account # withOUT the spaces that it has on the statement) Uh-huh.
Several steps later, I was at the point where I should have been able to make a payment, but she stopped me because something looked wrong at her end, and she wanted to figure out why it didn't seem like they had whatever it was that would have indicated that AAA Financial could accept an online payment from B of A; she asked me to hold while she sorted it out. When she came back on, many minutes later, she'd added a manager from MBNA to the conversation, which is what she'd ended up with when she called AAA Financial for some answers.
MBNA guy: Ma'am, you need to be sending that payment to US rather than to AAA; your card is from them, but we actually handle their credit cards for them.
Me: {sigh} It'd be nice if it SAID that somewhere on my statement; there's no mention of MBNA on here anywhere, and no way for a customer to guess that online payments should go to you rather than to AAA Financial.
MBNA guy: You must be looking at an old statement.
Me: No, I'm looking at the statement I got YESTERDAY, my May 2006 statement, and all it says is AAA, which is what's on the card itself.
MBNA guy: Yes ma'am, but WE actually handle the credit cards for them.
Me: I understand that, but you're still not mentioned on my statement.
MBNA guy: I don't know why your statement is that way...
Me: They didn't make a special statement just for ME; ALL their credit card statements look like this, withOUT any reference to MBNA.
MBNA guy: That doesn't make any sense, but you can still pay US and that will pay your AAA card.
Me: OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhK, let's give it a shot.
MBNA was on the list of payees for B of A's online setup, so I clicked on them and:
Me: How do I enter the account #, with or without the spaces?
B of A lady: Put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
MBNA guy: Do it withOUT the spaces.
Me: We have one vote for spaces, and one for withOUT spaces; what am I supposed to do?
(silence)
Me: Well? Do either of you have any specific experience with the B of A/MBNA interface, or are you just guessing?
B of A lady: Just put it exactly as it appears on your statement.
MBNA guy: Do it withOUT the spaces.
Me: LOL!!!!!!!!! You DO both see how ridiculous this is, don't you, that you're giving me contradictory answers?
B of A lady: Ma'am, you should probably do it the way MBNA Guy says to, that's probably safer.
So I did that, and again got to the point where I should have been able to enter a payment:
B of A lady: What I'm showing for MBNA is the blah bah certificate, not the actual credit card blah blah, will the payment still go to you?
MBNA guy: The blah blah certificate is a different thing, I don't know why it says that, but it'll still go to us.
B of A lady: I have the following address for MBNA; blah blah blah.
MBNA guy: That's not right, we don't have any PO Boxes that start with those #'s, we just have blah and blah blah.
B of A lady: I don't have any of those #'s showing here. Ma'am, what PO Box is on your statement?
Me: Blah blah blah.
MBNA guy: I don't recognize THAT # either.
Me: (laughing half-hysterically) So, we have all these different PO Boxes for MBNA, none of which overlap and some of which MBNA Guy can't even identify as being associated with his company? This is CRAZY!! All I'm trying to do is pay a major company via online banking with the biggest bank in the country, and we can't even agree on what ADDRESS the payment is supposed to go to?
MBNA Guy: You're the 1st person to have this problem, so...
Me: So WHAT? What does that change? Every other AAA Financial customer gets the exact same statement that I got, every B of A customer has the same list of payees that I do, with the same information attached to them in the B of A system, so this is NOT a problem with ME.
MBNA guy: There shouldn't BE a problem, we're merging with B of A and they should have all the correct information.
B of A lady: Merging!! I didn't know that!! (And this is a MANAGER!!)
MBNA guy: Yeah, so... hang on, let me check on a couple of things. (he puts us on hold)
Me: How thrilled are you to be merging with THIS company?
B of A lady: Not thrilled at all!!
Me: If this were YOUR bill, how willing would YOU be to pay it via the MBNA link you've got in your payee list?
B of A lady: I hate to say this, but I would not try to pay with that at this time.
Me: Me neither; I'm going to pay by mail, which I KNOW will go to the right address.
B of A lady: I've never heard of the information on a statement being the wrong thing to use to pay online; for everyone else, you use whatever the statement says.
Me: I'm far from convinced at this point that an online payment should go to MBNA directly rather than to AAA Financial, too; I'm not going to risk any version of payment of this bill online until you've got AAA Financial on your payee list, which I hope you will by the next time I need to pay off this card.
B of A lady: That's probably the best thing to do, yes.
MBNA guy: Thank you for holding; I wasn't able to verify that any of those other PO Boxes are ours, sorry.
Me: LOL!!! Sorry, but this has been a VERY long process, and it keeps getting more absurd!! LOL!!!! I'm going to MAIL my payment; despite your concerns about all the info on my statement, I'm totally confident that my $ will get where it's supposed to go, just as it always has. Am I correct in assuming that both of you are going to have to give reports of some kind to your higher-ups about this inexplicable inability to make a simple online funds transfer between you?
MBNA guy: Yes, I have to report this.
B of A lady: I'm going to try... but I don't know if anyone will believe any of this.
Me: You have my permission to pass along my contact info to whoever has any doubts; I'll be happy to back you up.
B of A lady: Thank you, ma'am.
Me: I'd appreciate getting some verification that this has been handled, and knowing what the results were; I'd like you each to send me a letter explaining what happened on your end once this is settled... can I get that?
Both: Yes.
Me: Good. I want you to know that I don't blame either of you personally for this mess, as neither of you is responsible for setting this stuff up.
Both: LOL!!
Me: I'm really looking forward to hearing what the explanations are going to be for all this...
That's not really true, as I don't actually expect to GET the promised explanations; I might get form letters assuring me that everything is fixed, but I'll be amazed if I even get that much... big corporations do NOT want to spell out their screwups in writing.
Why did I invest nearly 2 hours in that train wreck? Because there was obviously all sorts of stuff messed up with these 2 giant companies, whose customers # in the MILLIONS, and by forcing all the problematic issues to be handled I'll be preventing who knows how many people from experiencing various forms of disaster... and I'm expecting some hard-core positive karma to come my way as a result.
Wasn't online banking supposed to make our lives EASIER?
Monday, May 15, 2006
The official Mother's Day post
The annual Mother's Day post is always hard for me to write, because there's no affection between my mother and I, and she's such an unpleasant person that I don't have much good to say about her. The situation between us is weirder than ever now, because, although most people with cancer cling to their families, unless she needs a ride she doesn't contact me. She also doesn't tell me anything that's going on with her treatment; they switched her from the previous chemo regimen to taxol, and told her that she'd be ok to drive home afterwards, so she didn't feel the need to tell me that she'd had another chemo session... even people who know how squirrelly she is are amazed at how distant and secretive she's been. You hear alot about bad people being faced by their mortality and suddenly being sorry for all the rotten things they've done, and trying to get everyone to forgive them; if my mother's going to do anything like that, there's no sign of it yet... the only change is that she's too tired to be as belligerent these days.
Still, it's Mother's Day, so I gave it some thought and came up with something nice to say about her; she didn't complain about my playing heavy metal music for hours a day. I was considerate, naturally, and didn't play it when she was sleeping or on the phone, or when I couldn't close my door because she wanted all the windows open to cool the house down, but she was still hearing it much of the time I was playing it (thin walls), and I don't remember her ever demanding that I turn it off just for the sake of having it off; she actually liked some of the songs, not in any sort of "cool rocker mom" way but as a tangent to her general preference for livelier music (this was melodic 80's metal, remember, not the jackhammering speed metal that followed it in the 90's), but it's reasonable to assume that she wasn't thrilled to hear as much of it as she did, so she gets credit for not hassling me about it.
To all the mothers out there who are raising, or have raised, their kids with love and devotion; my hat's off to you, because you're doing/have done the toughest and most important job in the world. As my gift to you, let me tell you a little secret about how to help your kids become happy adults that you won't find in the countless articles by supposed experts that appear in every women's magazine; you do NOT set the stage for successful adulthood by trying to make your children into superkids that play every sport and instrument, speak 10 languages and so forth... there isn't a single prospective employer, friend or romantic partner that'll ask or care about any of that stuff, and many who'll be put off by it. The single most important skill to make sure your kids possess is the ability to fit in; knowing how to figure out what the "rules" are of whatever group they find themselves in and adhere to enough of them to be seen as "one of us." That goes x10 if your kid's an oddball like I was, because every little difference between them and the other kids is a strike against them that they have to overcome if they're going to have a shot at being well-liked with lots of friends, rather than ostracized and missing out on gaining crucial social skills... and social skills are the key to getting ahead in the work world and attracting a quality mate as well as to having lots of buddies.
If your child has no friends, or is too clueless to interact with anyone but a few other social rejects, don't just shake your head sadly about it over coffee with your friends; TAKE ACTION... and by "action" I do NOT mean demanding that your child magically change themselves, constantly asking them what's "wrong" with them, or anything else whose sole result is to increase the child's stress and self-esteem problems. The 1st step is to make the maximum possible effort to ensure that everything about your child's appearance, from their haircut down to their brand of shoes, is within the range of what's acceptable to their peer group; screw the ivory-tower ideal of appearance not mattering, kids require that others look like them in order to accept them. If your child has created a look that they like but their peers don't, and wants to keep it because they supposedly don't care what anyone thinks or if anyone likes them, it can be tempting to let them "express themselves" as long as their grades are good and they're not getting into any trouble... but if a kid honestly doesn't care if anyone likes them, or SAYS they don't but really does, it's a sign that they need some help. A kid that truly doesn't care is deeply depressed or otherwise "emotionally challenged," and needs medical attention FAST; a kid that's pretending they don't care and is using an atypical style as camouflage needs counseling to help them admit to their true feelings so that they'll accept assistance in getting the friends they long for.
If your kid's a clone of their peers but still isn't accepted, find out what it is they're talking about that's putting the other kids off; teach them to keep quiet about their passion for ant farms and collecting popsicle sticks (or whatever) until they make some solid friends, and to make a loud, repeated point about how they like things that the other kids like... and if they don't HAVE anything in common with their peer group, teach them to fake it, because if they can't make it look like they've got common ground with the people around them they're sunk, both now and throughout their lives.
Yes, that's right; you've gotta teach them to find and be themselves while at the same time fitting in with kids who might be very different from them by whatever means necessary... motherhood isn't for wimps. Happy Mother's Day!!
Still, it's Mother's Day, so I gave it some thought and came up with something nice to say about her; she didn't complain about my playing heavy metal music for hours a day. I was considerate, naturally, and didn't play it when she was sleeping or on the phone, or when I couldn't close my door because she wanted all the windows open to cool the house down, but she was still hearing it much of the time I was playing it (thin walls), and I don't remember her ever demanding that I turn it off just for the sake of having it off; she actually liked some of the songs, not in any sort of "cool rocker mom" way but as a tangent to her general preference for livelier music (this was melodic 80's metal, remember, not the jackhammering speed metal that followed it in the 90's), but it's reasonable to assume that she wasn't thrilled to hear as much of it as she did, so she gets credit for not hassling me about it.
To all the mothers out there who are raising, or have raised, their kids with love and devotion; my hat's off to you, because you're doing/have done the toughest and most important job in the world. As my gift to you, let me tell you a little secret about how to help your kids become happy adults that you won't find in the countless articles by supposed experts that appear in every women's magazine; you do NOT set the stage for successful adulthood by trying to make your children into superkids that play every sport and instrument, speak 10 languages and so forth... there isn't a single prospective employer, friend or romantic partner that'll ask or care about any of that stuff, and many who'll be put off by it. The single most important skill to make sure your kids possess is the ability to fit in; knowing how to figure out what the "rules" are of whatever group they find themselves in and adhere to enough of them to be seen as "one of us." That goes x10 if your kid's an oddball like I was, because every little difference between them and the other kids is a strike against them that they have to overcome if they're going to have a shot at being well-liked with lots of friends, rather than ostracized and missing out on gaining crucial social skills... and social skills are the key to getting ahead in the work world and attracting a quality mate as well as to having lots of buddies.
If your child has no friends, or is too clueless to interact with anyone but a few other social rejects, don't just shake your head sadly about it over coffee with your friends; TAKE ACTION... and by "action" I do NOT mean demanding that your child magically change themselves, constantly asking them what's "wrong" with them, or anything else whose sole result is to increase the child's stress and self-esteem problems. The 1st step is to make the maximum possible effort to ensure that everything about your child's appearance, from their haircut down to their brand of shoes, is within the range of what's acceptable to their peer group; screw the ivory-tower ideal of appearance not mattering, kids require that others look like them in order to accept them. If your child has created a look that they like but their peers don't, and wants to keep it because they supposedly don't care what anyone thinks or if anyone likes them, it can be tempting to let them "express themselves" as long as their grades are good and they're not getting into any trouble... but if a kid honestly doesn't care if anyone likes them, or SAYS they don't but really does, it's a sign that they need some help. A kid that truly doesn't care is deeply depressed or otherwise "emotionally challenged," and needs medical attention FAST; a kid that's pretending they don't care and is using an atypical style as camouflage needs counseling to help them admit to their true feelings so that they'll accept assistance in getting the friends they long for.
If your kid's a clone of their peers but still isn't accepted, find out what it is they're talking about that's putting the other kids off; teach them to keep quiet about their passion for ant farms and collecting popsicle sticks (or whatever) until they make some solid friends, and to make a loud, repeated point about how they like things that the other kids like... and if they don't HAVE anything in common with their peer group, teach them to fake it, because if they can't make it look like they've got common ground with the people around them they're sunk, both now and throughout their lives.
Yes, that's right; you've gotta teach them to find and be themselves while at the same time fitting in with kids who might be very different from them by whatever means necessary... motherhood isn't for wimps. Happy Mother's Day!!
