Friday, June 04, 2004
Dogs vs Cats
Which makes a better pet, a dog or a cat? Well, let's see...
A dog comes running to greet you when you come home; a cat comes running when it hears the can opener, and goes right by you to the food dish.
A dog will beg by the table/counter for food scraps; a cat will jump up ONTO the table/counter and help itself.
A dog can be taught a variety of commands, and be counted on to obey them; a cat feigns deafness whenever you try to get it to do anything.
A dog will get up on the bed with you; a cat will climb onto the bed and lay on your FACE.
A dog's day is made if he gets to go in the car with you; getting a cat into a car requires time, patience, and a willingness to bleed.
A dog might chew the occasional slipper; a cat will see your furniture, drapes, carpet and body as scratching posts, get onto the shelves where your breakables are kept, and menace smaller pets no matter where you put them.
A dog will bring you the newspaper; a cat will bring you a poor dead critter, or worse, just a PIECE of one.
A dog will eat any food you give him; a cat wants duck a l'orange, and then turns its nose up at it.
A dog is always eager to be petted; a cat only wants to be petted when you're really busy, and then wants to lay right on your work.
A dog is happy to play games with you; a cat's only game is "what can I destroy before I get caught?"
A dog will get hair on your clothes if you hold or hug him; a cat will seek out any clothes within reach and roll around on them to cover them with hair, showing preference for your more expensive things.
A dog will bark to keep intruders away; a cat hopes the intruder will open the door so it can run outside and kill something.
A dog will risk its life to save you; a cat will trip you up trying to get to safety before you do.
A dog looks at you as a god; a cat looks at you as a slave.
Hmmmmmmm, tough choice... ;-)
A dog comes running to greet you when you come home; a cat comes running when it hears the can opener, and goes right by you to the food dish.
A dog will beg by the table/counter for food scraps; a cat will jump up ONTO the table/counter and help itself.
A dog can be taught a variety of commands, and be counted on to obey them; a cat feigns deafness whenever you try to get it to do anything.
A dog will get up on the bed with you; a cat will climb onto the bed and lay on your FACE.
A dog's day is made if he gets to go in the car with you; getting a cat into a car requires time, patience, and a willingness to bleed.
A dog might chew the occasional slipper; a cat will see your furniture, drapes, carpet and body as scratching posts, get onto the shelves where your breakables are kept, and menace smaller pets no matter where you put them.
A dog will bring you the newspaper; a cat will bring you a poor dead critter, or worse, just a PIECE of one.
A dog will eat any food you give him; a cat wants duck a l'orange, and then turns its nose up at it.
A dog is always eager to be petted; a cat only wants to be petted when you're really busy, and then wants to lay right on your work.
A dog is happy to play games with you; a cat's only game is "what can I destroy before I get caught?"
A dog will get hair on your clothes if you hold or hug him; a cat will seek out any clothes within reach and roll around on them to cover them with hair, showing preference for your more expensive things.
A dog will bark to keep intruders away; a cat hopes the intruder will open the door so it can run outside and kill something.
A dog will risk its life to save you; a cat will trip you up trying to get to safety before you do.
A dog looks at you as a god; a cat looks at you as a slave.
Hmmmmmmm, tough choice... ;-)
Thursday, June 03, 2004
An epiphany about genital mutilation
It's no secret that the way we feel about nearly everything is influenced to varying degrees by our culture; a serious example of this is how we view female circumcision, which is considered an atrocity in American culture, but seen as essential to making a female virtuous and marriageable in the cultures that practice it. A fascinating point was made about this issue here:
http://www.janegalt.net/blog/archives/004739.html.
the eye-opening part of which, for me, was this:
"intersexuals, people with abnormal quantities of X or Y chromosomes (XO, XXY, XYY) or hormonal conditions that alter fetal development, are often born with genitalia that are ambiguous, or abnormal. We commonly perform surgery on these people in order to define them as one gender or another. We do it for the same reason that African mothers have their daughters circumcised: so that they will fit into the tribe, meet our aesthetic standards for genital appearance, and have an easier time finding a mate. Yet most of the people who are repulsed by the actions of those African mothers, would, if they had a baby with one of these abnormalities, eagerly schedule it for surgery to normalise its gentalia. So are we really opposed to mutilating the pristine work of nature, or are we, like those African mothers, simply enforcing our own cultural norms?"
I'd never made the connection in my mind about the mutilation of the genitals of some children in OUR country with female circumcision, even though I've studied intersexuality, and even written about it:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_02_22_omniverse_archive.html#107795515896014960
and have touched on female circumcision also:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_04_11_omniverse_archive.html#108184952071712084
I tried to post a reply on Jane's blog, but she has apparently blocked further replies on this topic; here's the reply I tried to post:
"You've made some very interesting points here, but I'd like to take partial issue with one of them, if I might: I AGREE that the reasons for the alteration of a child's "natural" genitals, whether because of intersexuality or the cultural mandate to make them look a certain way (circumcision of either gender), without the child having a say or a choice, DO reflect the urge for conformity to social norms. I also agree that both sorts of reasons for doing it look similar from the "it boils down to cutting up children's genitals" perspective, and I believe it's VERY important for us to be aware of these things when we pass judgment. However, there's a pretty significant difference, I think, between the alteration of genitals to make them "prettier," or to restrict "culturally undesirable" sexual feelings, and the alteration of them to give a child without a clear gender the ability to fit in, not just in one culture, but into the human race, which is set up biologically to deal with only 2 genders, and which (with few exceptions) has no place in ANY culture for a person without a gender. If you think how thoroughly gender, and gender roles, saturate every aspect of every society, it's clear how important it seems to parents to take action to prevent their kids from being permanent and guaranteed outsiders; because there's no pronoun to describe an intersexual, we're left referring to them as "it," as if they were less than human, and they're widely perceived as freaks and deprived of basic rights. In addition, intersexuality is a genetic defect, and the resultant genitals are seen, not just as "ugly," but as DEFORMED, and deformity is something that people in all cultures are automatically repulsed by; that's biological programming to prevent deformed people from being able to reproduce, and is the reasoning behind the surgical "correction" of all sorts of things that aren't causing health problems. An uncircumcised woman might be seen as less, or UN-, marriageable, but she would still be seen as human, and as having a gender and a place in society, not as a deformed freak of nature.
For the record, I'm VEHEMENTLY opposed to forcing surgical gender assignment on intersexual children, as such assignments are virtually always contrary to what gender, if any, the child will eventually identify with, and subject the child to endless pain and stress, and the risks associated with surgery, when their health is not at risk and they require NO medical treatment.
Female circumcision provides NO health benefits, and creates numerous health problems throughout life, so I'm naturally opposed to THAT, too, although I concede that, given the beliefs of the cultures that practice it, we can't see it as "evil," but rather as misguided. Male circumcision, on the other hand, significantly reduces the likelihood of penile cancer, AIDS, and all sorts of infections, so there's a gray area there; I think that it should be made available to any men who want it for those reasons, as well as those who have to have it because of problems with their foreskins, but I think it should NOT be done to male infants across the board-there must be CONSENT to the removal of a healthy body part for it to be ok."
Jane, if you happen to make it over here, thanks for showing me an important point, and making me think through this topic more thoroughly.
http://www.janegalt.net/blog/archives/004739.html.
the eye-opening part of which, for me, was this:
"intersexuals, people with abnormal quantities of X or Y chromosomes (XO, XXY, XYY) or hormonal conditions that alter fetal development, are often born with genitalia that are ambiguous, or abnormal. We commonly perform surgery on these people in order to define them as one gender or another. We do it for the same reason that African mothers have their daughters circumcised: so that they will fit into the tribe, meet our aesthetic standards for genital appearance, and have an easier time finding a mate. Yet most of the people who are repulsed by the actions of those African mothers, would, if they had a baby with one of these abnormalities, eagerly schedule it for surgery to normalise its gentalia. So are we really opposed to mutilating the pristine work of nature, or are we, like those African mothers, simply enforcing our own cultural norms?"
I'd never made the connection in my mind about the mutilation of the genitals of some children in OUR country with female circumcision, even though I've studied intersexuality, and even written about it:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_02_22_omniverse_archive.html#107795515896014960
and have touched on female circumcision also:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_04_11_omniverse_archive.html#108184952071712084
I tried to post a reply on Jane's blog, but she has apparently blocked further replies on this topic; here's the reply I tried to post:
"You've made some very interesting points here, but I'd like to take partial issue with one of them, if I might: I AGREE that the reasons for the alteration of a child's "natural" genitals, whether because of intersexuality or the cultural mandate to make them look a certain way (circumcision of either gender), without the child having a say or a choice, DO reflect the urge for conformity to social norms. I also agree that both sorts of reasons for doing it look similar from the "it boils down to cutting up children's genitals" perspective, and I believe it's VERY important for us to be aware of these things when we pass judgment. However, there's a pretty significant difference, I think, between the alteration of genitals to make them "prettier," or to restrict "culturally undesirable" sexual feelings, and the alteration of them to give a child without a clear gender the ability to fit in, not just in one culture, but into the human race, which is set up biologically to deal with only 2 genders, and which (with few exceptions) has no place in ANY culture for a person without a gender. If you think how thoroughly gender, and gender roles, saturate every aspect of every society, it's clear how important it seems to parents to take action to prevent their kids from being permanent and guaranteed outsiders; because there's no pronoun to describe an intersexual, we're left referring to them as "it," as if they were less than human, and they're widely perceived as freaks and deprived of basic rights. In addition, intersexuality is a genetic defect, and the resultant genitals are seen, not just as "ugly," but as DEFORMED, and deformity is something that people in all cultures are automatically repulsed by; that's biological programming to prevent deformed people from being able to reproduce, and is the reasoning behind the surgical "correction" of all sorts of things that aren't causing health problems. An uncircumcised woman might be seen as less, or UN-, marriageable, but she would still be seen as human, and as having a gender and a place in society, not as a deformed freak of nature.
For the record, I'm VEHEMENTLY opposed to forcing surgical gender assignment on intersexual children, as such assignments are virtually always contrary to what gender, if any, the child will eventually identify with, and subject the child to endless pain and stress, and the risks associated with surgery, when their health is not at risk and they require NO medical treatment.
Female circumcision provides NO health benefits, and creates numerous health problems throughout life, so I'm naturally opposed to THAT, too, although I concede that, given the beliefs of the cultures that practice it, we can't see it as "evil," but rather as misguided. Male circumcision, on the other hand, significantly reduces the likelihood of penile cancer, AIDS, and all sorts of infections, so there's a gray area there; I think that it should be made available to any men who want it for those reasons, as well as those who have to have it because of problems with their foreskins, but I think it should NOT be done to male infants across the board-there must be CONSENT to the removal of a healthy body part for it to be ok."
Jane, if you happen to make it over here, thanks for showing me an important point, and making me think through this topic more thoroughly.
Karma kills 2 birds with one stone
Imagine a psycho bitch who attacks people online for funsies. Imagine someone who had tried to be a caring friend to the psycho bitch (not realizing at the time what she was, of course), and had been repaid by vicious, unprovoked public attacks. Imagine a clueless kid who was supposedly a friend to both, who REFUSED to listen to the victim's valid complaints about the psycho, harangued the VICTIM, stuck by the psycho and remained HER friend rather than maintaining friendship with the innocent party. Imagine time passing... and the psycho bitch, with her standard lack of loyalty and gratitude, launches the mother of all ugly attacks on the kid, including the passing around of her private emails and posting scathing public vulgarities, for which atrocity she is finally, FINALLY, booted off of the forum which has been the center of her life for YEARS.
Both of these 2 were involved in doing evil to me, and in response karma made them take each other out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! :-)
Both of these 2 were involved in doing evil to me, and in response karma made them take each other out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! :-)
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Back home, and cautiously optimistic
When it got to the final goodbye with my dear one, it didn't FEEL like a final goodbye; is it numbness, denial, or.... intuition, maybe? I KNOW that her heart won't last for long, but people frequently outlive medical predictions, so maybe she WILL last a few more months, long enough for us to get back there and see her one more time. Cross your fingers for me.
On that note, I'll be returning to my normal rants and ravings and silliness again. Here's something that gave me my first big laugh in DAYS; while waiting for my husband to get through the security screening at the airport, I was telling a couple of the security ladies about how I joke with him that I'm going to get him "body searched" at the airport some day... and one of them actually went up to him and told him that she had to pull him aside for a search!! You should have seen his FACE, LOL!!
On that note, I'll be returning to my normal rants and ravings and silliness again. Here's something that gave me my first big laugh in DAYS; while waiting for my husband to get through the security screening at the airport, I was telling a couple of the security ladies about how I joke with him that I'm going to get him "body searched" at the airport some day... and one of them actually went up to him and told him that she had to pull him aside for a search!! You should have seen his FACE, LOL!!
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
The final full day
Because our loved one wanted to hang onto us and not have us go at the usual time, with this being our last night with her, we stayed at her house until midnight and managed to get through ALL of the family photos and other odds and ends (postcards, newspaper clippings, etc) with her and get the people identified and a good chunk of information about them passed on to us; although we're thrilled to have learned all of this, we could also feel much of the past slipping away, as this is the last surviving member of that generation-when she dies, any questions we might have will be forever unanswered.
She managed to go alot of the day withOUT the oxygen, and was getting around better, but her breathing has a bubbly, wheezy sound to it that freezes my heart; it's clear that, while they alleviated her symptoms quite a bit, the underlying disintegration of her insides is progressing. She mentioned wanting to live to be 100 a couple of times, but talked about how unhappy she is to always be sick and not really wanting to live any more MANY times, which is dreadful to hear anyone say but is particularly shocking from someone who previously wouldn't have complained if a truck ran over her foot. All we could do was be supportive and play along with the idea that she'll be getting better.
Despite my immense sadness, I'm still glad that we planned this trip and were able to be here when she needed us the most; I'm dreading having to say goodbye to her Tuesday evening, though... I've never had to say this sort of final goodbye before, and I can only hope that I don't break down until we're out of sight.
She managed to go alot of the day withOUT the oxygen, and was getting around better, but her breathing has a bubbly, wheezy sound to it that freezes my heart; it's clear that, while they alleviated her symptoms quite a bit, the underlying disintegration of her insides is progressing. She mentioned wanting to live to be 100 a couple of times, but talked about how unhappy she is to always be sick and not really wanting to live any more MANY times, which is dreadful to hear anyone say but is particularly shocking from someone who previously wouldn't have complained if a truck ran over her foot. All we could do was be supportive and play along with the idea that she'll be getting better.
Despite my immense sadness, I'm still glad that we planned this trip and were able to be here when she needed us the most; I'm dreading having to say goodbye to her Tuesday evening, though... I've never had to say this sort of final goodbye before, and I can only hope that I don't break down until we're out of sight.
Monday, May 31, 2004
The scariest day yet
Today, I was awakened by the phone ringing; our loved one had been unable to breathe properly even with the oxygen, and had been rushed to the hospital. I came out of a dead sleep with my heart in my throat, scrambled to get dressed, and we raced out the door; NOT a good way to start the day.
She looked so tiny and frail in the hospital bed, and so happy to see us!! A nurse told us that she'd had a big buildup of fluid in her chest, and that was what was making it hard for her to breathe; they gave her some meds that were supposed to get her to pass the fluid fairly quickly, and they worked gratifyingly well-in 2 hours, she was ready to go back home.
She was in much better spirits once she could breathe better, even though she was on oxygen most of the day, and she ate a pretty good dinner and was quite animated while going through old photos with us, but the increasing "leakiness" in her chest, and her inability to walk even a few steps without getting winded, shows very clearly how her body is shutting down... and would have already shut down for good if she hadn't been having around the clock care to make sure she got oxygen and was taken to get medical care when needed.
Perhaps the biggest sign that she feels the end approaching is that, although she's tough as nails and was raised at a time when they were taught to never complain, ask for help or be demonstrative in any way, she now needs medication for anxiety and depression, and, heartrendingly, has taken to extending her little arthritic hand for me to hold when she's frightened or stressed-something totally contrary to her normal behavior.
Her spunk and determination are still evident, though, and she may well manage a few months more than the doctors predicted; that's all we can hope for now, and then only if she'll still have some sort of quality of life-she'd rather be dead than to linger on in a hospital bed. We'll give her as much love and strength as we can between now and when we leave Tuesday evening, and hope we've made this final chapter of her long life a little easier.
She looked so tiny and frail in the hospital bed, and so happy to see us!! A nurse told us that she'd had a big buildup of fluid in her chest, and that was what was making it hard for her to breathe; they gave her some meds that were supposed to get her to pass the fluid fairly quickly, and they worked gratifyingly well-in 2 hours, she was ready to go back home.
She was in much better spirits once she could breathe better, even though she was on oxygen most of the day, and she ate a pretty good dinner and was quite animated while going through old photos with us, but the increasing "leakiness" in her chest, and her inability to walk even a few steps without getting winded, shows very clearly how her body is shutting down... and would have already shut down for good if she hadn't been having around the clock care to make sure she got oxygen and was taken to get medical care when needed.
Perhaps the biggest sign that she feels the end approaching is that, although she's tough as nails and was raised at a time when they were taught to never complain, ask for help or be demonstrative in any way, she now needs medication for anxiety and depression, and, heartrendingly, has taken to extending her little arthritic hand for me to hold when she's frightened or stressed-something totally contrary to her normal behavior.
Her spunk and determination are still evident, though, and she may well manage a few months more than the doctors predicted; that's all we can hope for now, and then only if she'll still have some sort of quality of life-she'd rather be dead than to linger on in a hospital bed. We'll give her as much love and strength as we can between now and when we leave Tuesday evening, and hope we've made this final chapter of her long life a little easier.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Dismaying update
Thanks to the hotel-provided DSL connection malfunctioning in my room and ONLY my room, and my husband failing to bring what was needed to use dialup despite claiming he DID have it, I missed my first daily blog entry in my 5 MONTHS of blogging, GRRRRRRRRRRR.
On Friday, we had a wonderful day with our dear one, including what she said was the biggest dinner she'd eaten in a long time-HOORAY!! We took her on a drive to somewhere she hadn't been in a long time, and she really seemed to enjoy seeing something different, especially when we parked at a spot where she could watch the river. I was SO pleased to see how much she loved the gift we had for her, too; her face lit up like a little girl's.
Her lawyer showed up unexpectedly before we took her out, and had already spoken to her about the photos, it turns out, so we have THAT settled... but, in exchange, he wants us to prod her into revealing what she wants done with her other personal possessions. WE don't want any of her furniture and such, so it doesn't feel quite as ghoulish to have to ask her about that stuff; I'll have to ask about her jewelry, though, and that WILL be a little grim, as some of it is valuable and I'm one of the most likely inheritors.
She REALLY freaked us out today, though, because she needed oxygen a bunch of times, including when we had her out for dinner and WE had to handle it; she seemed so TIRED by the end of the day, it just broke my heart... and scared the wits out of me, too, as the last time an elderly relative got so worn out by a visit from us she DIED just a few days later.
Earlier in the day she had seemed happy, at least, as she and I went through drawers full of her painstakingly handcrafted items, and I asked her about all of them, as I have before, as she loves to talk about them; this time, she announced that she wanted me to have all of them, AND her mother's china that's over 100 years old, because no one else cared about any of that old stuff but me. (Is it asking so much for each of us to spend a little time listening to the old folks talking about the things they've loved and cherished all of their lives? Her other relatives sure seem to think it's too much of a bother, the jerks.)
We'd planned to take her around to all the cemeteries with family members buried in them on Sunday, but I'm fairly certain that she won't be up for it; we'll maybe just take her to the local ones and let my husband go to the other graves while I stay home with her. As it seems clearer and clearer that this WILL be the last time we see her, the important thing is to keep her happy and spend as much time with her as we can.
On Friday, we had a wonderful day with our dear one, including what she said was the biggest dinner she'd eaten in a long time-HOORAY!! We took her on a drive to somewhere she hadn't been in a long time, and she really seemed to enjoy seeing something different, especially when we parked at a spot where she could watch the river. I was SO pleased to see how much she loved the gift we had for her, too; her face lit up like a little girl's.
Her lawyer showed up unexpectedly before we took her out, and had already spoken to her about the photos, it turns out, so we have THAT settled... but, in exchange, he wants us to prod her into revealing what she wants done with her other personal possessions. WE don't want any of her furniture and such, so it doesn't feel quite as ghoulish to have to ask her about that stuff; I'll have to ask about her jewelry, though, and that WILL be a little grim, as some of it is valuable and I'm one of the most likely inheritors.
She REALLY freaked us out today, though, because she needed oxygen a bunch of times, including when we had her out for dinner and WE had to handle it; she seemed so TIRED by the end of the day, it just broke my heart... and scared the wits out of me, too, as the last time an elderly relative got so worn out by a visit from us she DIED just a few days later.
Earlier in the day she had seemed happy, at least, as she and I went through drawers full of her painstakingly handcrafted items, and I asked her about all of them, as I have before, as she loves to talk about them; this time, she announced that she wanted me to have all of them, AND her mother's china that's over 100 years old, because no one else cared about any of that old stuff but me. (Is it asking so much for each of us to spend a little time listening to the old folks talking about the things they've loved and cherished all of their lives? Her other relatives sure seem to think it's too much of a bother, the jerks.)
We'd planned to take her around to all the cemeteries with family members buried in them on Sunday, but I'm fairly certain that she won't be up for it; we'll maybe just take her to the local ones and let my husband go to the other graves while I stay home with her. As it seems clearer and clearer that this WILL be the last time we see her, the important thing is to keep her happy and spend as much time with her as we can.
