Saturday, April 03, 2004
Altered states
Have you ever thought about how many ways we humans have found to achieve what we perceive to be higher levels of consciousness? (Not that I don't think they ARE higher, I just think they might be DIFFERENT rather than higher per se.) Drugs. Prayer. Meditation. Sensory deprivation. Fasting. Ritual. Pain. Even extreme forms of physical exertion can do it for some. We seem, as a species, to eagerly pursue those things that open our minds up to different kinds of perception, to revelations, to... whatever it is that we see in an altered state, real or imagined. Our love of this sort of thing is one of the few things that separates us from the lower animals, and it makes me wonder; do we have this ability, and the desire to use it, as a "reward" for our advanced brains, or is it just a "side effect" of our advanced brains, no more meaningful or insightful than daydreams?
As someone who thinks intensely, feels passionately, but has never gotten to that mental state where deeper understanding (supposedly) comes, I wish that I could experience it at least once, so that I'd know if I'd get epiphanies, in which case I'd want to keep pursuing it, or if I'd just feel high, or disoriented, or whatever, in which case I'd move onto other thoughts. The not knowing keeps it niggling at my mind.
On Mad Mad House this week, Art the modern primitive did a suspension ritual, where his body hung in the air by huge hooks buried in the flesh of his back. I was in absolute AWE watching it happen; he was so calm, peaceful, relaxed, he looked almost half-asleep... and this is while they were putting the hooks in!! He didn't flinch, in fact he gave no sign of being aware that he was being skewered. Once he was hanging, he looked like someone mulling over a pleasant fantasy, rather than someone dangling from screaming chunks of his back. He then got one of the girls who was watching to get up on a ladder so that he could get his arms around her and hold HER weight along with his own. I'd never heard of anyone doing that, and it was mind-boggling to imagine what that experience was like for them, with both of them bonded together with him in what certainly looked like a deeply spiritual state; while it was happening, I kept telling my husband that I'd LOVE to be where she was, as long as I felt REALLY sure that he had held someone of at least my weight before and was in no danger of those hooks ripping through his skin... what would a person feel, buoyed up by someone in the throes of such a powerful experience?
What would a person feel IN the throes of such a powerful experience? I wish I knew. I wonder, if I wish hard enough, will karma grant me a chance to find out? I'm going to try...
As someone who thinks intensely, feels passionately, but has never gotten to that mental state where deeper understanding (supposedly) comes, I wish that I could experience it at least once, so that I'd know if I'd get epiphanies, in which case I'd want to keep pursuing it, or if I'd just feel high, or disoriented, or whatever, in which case I'd move onto other thoughts. The not knowing keeps it niggling at my mind.
On Mad Mad House this week, Art the modern primitive did a suspension ritual, where his body hung in the air by huge hooks buried in the flesh of his back. I was in absolute AWE watching it happen; he was so calm, peaceful, relaxed, he looked almost half-asleep... and this is while they were putting the hooks in!! He didn't flinch, in fact he gave no sign of being aware that he was being skewered. Once he was hanging, he looked like someone mulling over a pleasant fantasy, rather than someone dangling from screaming chunks of his back. He then got one of the girls who was watching to get up on a ladder so that he could get his arms around her and hold HER weight along with his own. I'd never heard of anyone doing that, and it was mind-boggling to imagine what that experience was like for them, with both of them bonded together with him in what certainly looked like a deeply spiritual state; while it was happening, I kept telling my husband that I'd LOVE to be where she was, as long as I felt REALLY sure that he had held someone of at least my weight before and was in no danger of those hooks ripping through his skin... what would a person feel, buoyed up by someone in the throes of such a powerful experience?
What would a person feel IN the throes of such a powerful experience? I wish I knew. I wonder, if I wish hard enough, will karma grant me a chance to find out? I'm going to try...
Friday, April 02, 2004
Another scary one
I was reading a new book, alternating chunks of text with zoning out and working through an unrelated story in my head, as I usually do, and one of the characters in my mental story took a strange turn and said something wildly atypical, as often happens to me (they can really take on a life of their own, and then it's more like watching a movie than a purposeful act of creation), and I took a few minutes to work out how the scene would move forward from the unusual, but interesting, comment. When I was done, I read the little bit at the end of the page, turned to the next one, and a few lines down, there it was... the same , odd, unexpected line that MY character had said, and it was every bit as bizarre of a line in the printed story as it had been in my head-it did NOT follow any logical path from what had gone on before.
So, the line popped into my head before I'd read it; this could be an example of precognition, or just "pure esp" where I saw something in my mind that I hadn't see with my eyes, having no connection to whether or not I was about to "really see it"... my vote is for precognition, but that's just a guess.
The more you open your mind up to this sort of stuff, the more it shows up; not freaking out is important, too, because psychic flow can be like creativity-a little disruption, a little emotional upheaval, and it dries up.
Some nonbelievers say things like, "But, you're forgetting all the times you DIDN'T know in advance," which ignores the fact that this sort of weird stuff popping into your head should NEVER happen in an esp-free world; if you even ONCE know in advance, that's proof that it CAN happen. We're not talking about something vague and general, like looking at the green curtains, thinking "green," and having green grass show up on the next page of a book, and as much as skeptics want to say that even very specific, detailed thoughts, and dreams, are the same as the generalities that are statistically certain to coincide eventually, they're NOT. The clincher; people who don't believe in psychic phenomena don't HAVE these sorts of perceptions... but, if they're something that automatically happens to people, why DON'T they have them? And they call ME illogical, for believing things that I've seen endless proof of, lol.
So, the line popped into my head before I'd read it; this could be an example of precognition, or just "pure esp" where I saw something in my mind that I hadn't see with my eyes, having no connection to whether or not I was about to "really see it"... my vote is for precognition, but that's just a guess.
The more you open your mind up to this sort of stuff, the more it shows up; not freaking out is important, too, because psychic flow can be like creativity-a little disruption, a little emotional upheaval, and it dries up.
Some nonbelievers say things like, "But, you're forgetting all the times you DIDN'T know in advance," which ignores the fact that this sort of weird stuff popping into your head should NEVER happen in an esp-free world; if you even ONCE know in advance, that's proof that it CAN happen. We're not talking about something vague and general, like looking at the green curtains, thinking "green," and having green grass show up on the next page of a book, and as much as skeptics want to say that even very specific, detailed thoughts, and dreams, are the same as the generalities that are statistically certain to coincide eventually, they're NOT. The clincher; people who don't believe in psychic phenomena don't HAVE these sorts of perceptions... but, if they're something that automatically happens to people, why DON'T they have them? And they call ME illogical, for believing things that I've seen endless proof of, lol.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
The real you?
Thursday again, and that means more inspiration from Mad Mad House... and I don't mean just from looking at Don the hot vampire. ;-)
I started out with some teeth gritting as the contestants discussed the reasons it was "right" that the best one of them, the one who was like a mom to people and was doing everything right, had been eliminated; she was too much of a safety net and security blanket for everyone, so of course she had to be kicked out..... GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Further teeth gritting ensued when the jerk who tricked one of the judges into doubting the sincerity of the girl who was in the lead admitted for the cameras that he was being a puppetmaster with that judge, bragging that he had totally fooled her and thus screwed the girl's chances; that little sociopath will end up winning, just watch... there's alot of bad karma in the way these sorts of competitions are fought, and that can lead to the lower life forms triumphing.
Then, a NEW aspect of the evils of human nature was demonstrated; after this poor girl had been harangued by everyone, she got upset, and was reacting in an upset matter... and the jerk triumphantly referred to that as the "real her" emerging.
HUH?!!!!!!
When you get upset, and act in a different way than you do when you're calm, do you consider your upset way of acting, that you probably don't show even 1% of the time, as the REAL you, or do you consider the way you are 99% of the time, with a clear head, to be the real you? I know the answer to that, and it makes me very, VERY irritated when someone provokes a person, or joins with a group in provoking a person, and then comes out with some sort of criticism or snide remarks about the perfectly natural, normal and acceptable upset that the victim shows... especially when other people swallow the idea and add further insult to injury for the victim.
In my view, anyone who deliberately attacks a person in public is immature, pitiful, and an asshole... and that goes times ten for people who are cowardly enough to attack as part of a group. Anyone who observes this sort of thing and buys whatever nonsense the attackers come out with, or judges against the victim based on such an attack, is weak, stupid, and a sheep. Anyone who witnesses such an attack, has the opportunity to stand up for the victim or otherwise intervene, and fails to do so, is no better morally than the attackers. Harsh words? You bet... but true nonetheless.
When you see someone who is mad, scared, upset, sick or in pain, make a conscious effort to remind yourself that this is NOT who they normally are, and so NOT what you should judge them by, and hopefully the next time YOU are observed at your worst, people will do you the same favor, and not see that as the "real you."
I started out with some teeth gritting as the contestants discussed the reasons it was "right" that the best one of them, the one who was like a mom to people and was doing everything right, had been eliminated; she was too much of a safety net and security blanket for everyone, so of course she had to be kicked out..... GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Further teeth gritting ensued when the jerk who tricked one of the judges into doubting the sincerity of the girl who was in the lead admitted for the cameras that he was being a puppetmaster with that judge, bragging that he had totally fooled her and thus screwed the girl's chances; that little sociopath will end up winning, just watch... there's alot of bad karma in the way these sorts of competitions are fought, and that can lead to the lower life forms triumphing.
Then, a NEW aspect of the evils of human nature was demonstrated; after this poor girl had been harangued by everyone, she got upset, and was reacting in an upset matter... and the jerk triumphantly referred to that as the "real her" emerging.
HUH?!!!!!!
When you get upset, and act in a different way than you do when you're calm, do you consider your upset way of acting, that you probably don't show even 1% of the time, as the REAL you, or do you consider the way you are 99% of the time, with a clear head, to be the real you? I know the answer to that, and it makes me very, VERY irritated when someone provokes a person, or joins with a group in provoking a person, and then comes out with some sort of criticism or snide remarks about the perfectly natural, normal and acceptable upset that the victim shows... especially when other people swallow the idea and add further insult to injury for the victim.
In my view, anyone who deliberately attacks a person in public is immature, pitiful, and an asshole... and that goes times ten for people who are cowardly enough to attack as part of a group. Anyone who observes this sort of thing and buys whatever nonsense the attackers come out with, or judges against the victim based on such an attack, is weak, stupid, and a sheep. Anyone who witnesses such an attack, has the opportunity to stand up for the victim or otherwise intervene, and fails to do so, is no better morally than the attackers. Harsh words? You bet... but true nonetheless.
When you see someone who is mad, scared, upset, sick or in pain, make a conscious effort to remind yourself that this is NOT who they normally are, and so NOT what you should judge them by, and hopefully the next time YOU are observed at your worst, people will do you the same favor, and not see that as the "real you."
Stupid dieting ideas
Americans are fat because we eat far more than people in other countries, choose higher-calorie foods, and are inactive... AND, more and more, because we hear stupid diet advice that we then mis-apply.
A few days ago, a friend of mine, one with a PhD, mind you, who wants to lose weight, was wolfing down slivered almonds; my husband had recently bought me some nut brittles, so I asked her if she liked them. Her response was that she couldn't eat them because she couldn't eat sweets, as she was trying to lose weight; you should have seen her face when I pointed out that the nuts she was inhaling were very high in fat, and, since fat has 9 calories per gram, compared to the 4 calories per gram found in ALL carbs, including sugars, she'd consume far FEWER calories if she ate sweets than if she ate nuts, not to mention being more satisfied because she's be eating what she actually WANTED. She understood what I'd said, but this otherwise brilliant woman had heard enough "carbs are bad" talk to think that some sort of magic made what I said somehow untrue... and she is NOT on Atkins or any of the other equally stupid and unhealthy low carb diets, she's just thinking in terms of calories, and she believes that because something is sweet, it has hidden calories that are not present in other carbs, and that exceed the level of calories in high-fat nuts.
Today, another friend who is attempting to lose weight described with pride how she was only eating sweets on weekends, as opposed to every day... as she scarfed down breaded, fried shrimp and pasta with cheese sauce. I pointed out to HER the realities about sweets, and the high-caloric nature of many NON-sweet foods, and she looked vaguely resentful, as I was removing the pedestal she was putting herself on for depriving herself of harmless food she wanted 5 days of the week while eating foods far higher in calories, and FAT, with no guilt, and wondering why she had gained weight instead of lost it.
Americans gain weight because we get a little bit of info and mis-apply it, usually by telling ourselves that there is some sort of tasty food that we CAN eat unlimited quantities of and still lose weight... and it just ain't so. All those Snackwells cookies that people ate by the boxfull may have had little or no fat, but they were still high in CALORIES. A low-carb diet is often a high-fat diet, which means weight GAIN, not loss. There's nothing magic about giving up sweets, as they are just carbs, and LESS harmful to your calorie count that fatty foods like nuts.
If you want to lose weight, forget the spurious nonsense you hear on TV and read in magazines; you have to reduce the total # of calories you consume each day to the point that your body has no choice but to burn your own fat for fuel-PERIOD. All carbs have the same # of calories per gram, regardless of flavor-4. All proteins also have 4 calories per gram. All fats, even if they are "good fats" or "nutrient dense fats," have the same # of calories per gram-9. Add up the calories you are currently consuming, come up with an eating plan with fewer calories, and stick to it, and you'll lose weight. Make sure you drink enough water, that you get ALL the vitamins and minerals you need, and that you consume carbs, protein and fat-your body needs ALL of these things to be healthy.
Oh, and get off the computer and go get some exercise; it burns calories, raises your metabolism, muscle tone makes you look thinner even if you haven't lost any weight, and muscle burns more calories even at rest than fat does.
And by all means eat something that you LIKE every day; life is too short to have your daily food intake be grim and misery-producing.
A few days ago, a friend of mine, one with a PhD, mind you, who wants to lose weight, was wolfing down slivered almonds; my husband had recently bought me some nut brittles, so I asked her if she liked them. Her response was that she couldn't eat them because she couldn't eat sweets, as she was trying to lose weight; you should have seen her face when I pointed out that the nuts she was inhaling were very high in fat, and, since fat has 9 calories per gram, compared to the 4 calories per gram found in ALL carbs, including sugars, she'd consume far FEWER calories if she ate sweets than if she ate nuts, not to mention being more satisfied because she's be eating what she actually WANTED. She understood what I'd said, but this otherwise brilliant woman had heard enough "carbs are bad" talk to think that some sort of magic made what I said somehow untrue... and she is NOT on Atkins or any of the other equally stupid and unhealthy low carb diets, she's just thinking in terms of calories, and she believes that because something is sweet, it has hidden calories that are not present in other carbs, and that exceed the level of calories in high-fat nuts.
Today, another friend who is attempting to lose weight described with pride how she was only eating sweets on weekends, as opposed to every day... as she scarfed down breaded, fried shrimp and pasta with cheese sauce. I pointed out to HER the realities about sweets, and the high-caloric nature of many NON-sweet foods, and she looked vaguely resentful, as I was removing the pedestal she was putting herself on for depriving herself of harmless food she wanted 5 days of the week while eating foods far higher in calories, and FAT, with no guilt, and wondering why she had gained weight instead of lost it.
Americans gain weight because we get a little bit of info and mis-apply it, usually by telling ourselves that there is some sort of tasty food that we CAN eat unlimited quantities of and still lose weight... and it just ain't so. All those Snackwells cookies that people ate by the boxfull may have had little or no fat, but they were still high in CALORIES. A low-carb diet is often a high-fat diet, which means weight GAIN, not loss. There's nothing magic about giving up sweets, as they are just carbs, and LESS harmful to your calorie count that fatty foods like nuts.
If you want to lose weight, forget the spurious nonsense you hear on TV and read in magazines; you have to reduce the total # of calories you consume each day to the point that your body has no choice but to burn your own fat for fuel-PERIOD. All carbs have the same # of calories per gram, regardless of flavor-4. All proteins also have 4 calories per gram. All fats, even if they are "good fats" or "nutrient dense fats," have the same # of calories per gram-9. Add up the calories you are currently consuming, come up with an eating plan with fewer calories, and stick to it, and you'll lose weight. Make sure you drink enough water, that you get ALL the vitamins and minerals you need, and that you consume carbs, protein and fat-your body needs ALL of these things to be healthy.
Oh, and get off the computer and go get some exercise; it burns calories, raises your metabolism, muscle tone makes you look thinner even if you haven't lost any weight, and muscle burns more calories even at rest than fat does.
And by all means eat something that you LIKE every day; life is too short to have your daily food intake be grim and misery-producing.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Telekinesis AGAIN?!!
Less than a week after I had what still looks like a probable experience with telekinesis in my sleep, it happened AGAIN. My closet, which had NEVER previously had anything just fall off of a shelf before, has now done it TWICE, both times when I was asleep and needed to wake up.
This time, I woke up with such a jolt that I can't remember what I was dreaming, which is VERY unusual for me, and despite the early hour I felt like I had to get up and see what had done it this time. I knew that it was another closet issue, although I couldn't say HOW I knew (aside from the obvious way); I had a thought along the lines of "not AGAIN" as I was gathering my wits about me. The culprit turned out to be a pillow with a recording device in it, on which my husband had recorded a special message for me; after testing it to see if it still worked (it did), I started to get suspicious, and glanced at the clock-my husband was nearly due at work, and should have already left the house. SHOULD have, hmmmm... I opened the bedroom door, saw a light on in the computer room, and went down the hall to see, yes, you guessed it, my husband, deeply engrossed in trivial online nonsense, unaware of the passage of time and not even DRESSED yet.
There have been MANY occasions over the years when I've woken up from a deep sleep and known that my husband had dozed off, or otherwise gone astray, and was going to be really late for work if not rousted... but this is the first time it happened in such a freaky way. Call me crazy, but when something with my husband's voice on it "falls" off a shelf and wakes me up right when he needs me to go pry him away from the computer and go to work, that stretches the bounds of coincidence a little bit... especially when I had another necessary wake-up call from the closet just a few days ago.
The only other explanation at this point is poltergeists, which is a scary thought, as I've had several things disappear, and then reappear unexpectedly and in odd places, within the past week, which is one of the things they used to do when they hung around me in my young adulthood... I REALLY hope it's not them.
I'm going to try and make a point of CLOSING my closet doors every night from now on.
This time, I woke up with such a jolt that I can't remember what I was dreaming, which is VERY unusual for me, and despite the early hour I felt like I had to get up and see what had done it this time. I knew that it was another closet issue, although I couldn't say HOW I knew (aside from the obvious way); I had a thought along the lines of "not AGAIN" as I was gathering my wits about me. The culprit turned out to be a pillow with a recording device in it, on which my husband had recorded a special message for me; after testing it to see if it still worked (it did), I started to get suspicious, and glanced at the clock-my husband was nearly due at work, and should have already left the house. SHOULD have, hmmmm... I opened the bedroom door, saw a light on in the computer room, and went down the hall to see, yes, you guessed it, my husband, deeply engrossed in trivial online nonsense, unaware of the passage of time and not even DRESSED yet.
There have been MANY occasions over the years when I've woken up from a deep sleep and known that my husband had dozed off, or otherwise gone astray, and was going to be really late for work if not rousted... but this is the first time it happened in such a freaky way. Call me crazy, but when something with my husband's voice on it "falls" off a shelf and wakes me up right when he needs me to go pry him away from the computer and go to work, that stretches the bounds of coincidence a little bit... especially when I had another necessary wake-up call from the closet just a few days ago.
The only other explanation at this point is poltergeists, which is a scary thought, as I've had several things disappear, and then reappear unexpectedly and in odd places, within the past week, which is one of the things they used to do when they hung around me in my young adulthood... I REALLY hope it's not them.
I'm going to try and make a point of CLOSING my closet doors every night from now on.
Monday, March 29, 2004
The theory of creation... or is that Creation?
For those who are late in jumping in, the foundation of my spiritual view is that it is all based on energy; thought, feeling, the soul, spirits, esp, synchronicity, karma in the traditional sense, and the material from which all matter, and perhaps all types of energy, in the universe(s) originally formed... all energy... all the SAME, as-yet-nameless energy, which I call "karma" for simplicity's sake.
The energy from which all matter in the universe arose is the same energy as created by your thoughts... so, does that mean that Creation came from thought? Whose thought, God's? Or, the thoughts of a novel writer in another reality, perhaps, that popular concept from scifi (Heinlein used it to great effect)?
When WE think, are WE creating... or Creating? Does everything we imagine become real somehow, somewhere, as the basis for another reality? Is that what the energy of our thoughts eventually leads to? Or, is information leaking across from other realities, and our brains process it all as if it were our own thoughts, because the energy is the same? Are we seeing the remnants of previous incarnations of the universe? We can't get something from nothing, so the likelihood is that we have an infinite cycle of creation and destruction, as so many "primitive" spiritual beliefs describe; do echoes of past realities remain, like those ghosts of words that remain on a dry erase board no matter how much you clean it after the ink has been there for a while? There will be an infinite # of "cycles" after this; could we sometimes be seeing the future, the FAR future, as it already exists, perhaps based on the patterns of the present? Or, is it true that time doesn't really exist except in our minds, and that all the universes exist at once, and are all at least theoretically perceptible all at once?
I remember reading a line once about our existing in the mind of God; that would certainly be consistent with everything being made from the energy of thought, all existing at once, just as all our memories and the realities they describe all exist at once in OUR minds, and all made of "thought energy."
I don't believe in God; I don't declare that He doesn't exist, because I have no proof of that, but without proof that he DOES exist, and lacking faith, I don't believe. Still, a significant # of the facets of my concept of karma, when thought through thoroughly along all possible paths, DO lead to possible solutions where God, or a generalized superbeing that might as well be called God, exists. Or, perhaps there's a being that's like the entity Man in Asimov's greatest short story, "The Last Question," which was made of up of all the minds of all the people in existence, except made up of SOULS, and our little souls merge with it after we die...
Rather than engage in an ever-widening spiral of speculation, I'll provide a special treat; I've found a page that has "The Last Question" on it in its entirety. It's quite short, so do PLEASE read it if you never have, and see for yourself why I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach every time I read it... and why I think it has bearing on this topic on more than one level:
http://adin.dyndns.org/adin/TheLastQ.htm
The energy from which all matter in the universe arose is the same energy as created by your thoughts... so, does that mean that Creation came from thought? Whose thought, God's? Or, the thoughts of a novel writer in another reality, perhaps, that popular concept from scifi (Heinlein used it to great effect)?
When WE think, are WE creating... or Creating? Does everything we imagine become real somehow, somewhere, as the basis for another reality? Is that what the energy of our thoughts eventually leads to? Or, is information leaking across from other realities, and our brains process it all as if it were our own thoughts, because the energy is the same? Are we seeing the remnants of previous incarnations of the universe? We can't get something from nothing, so the likelihood is that we have an infinite cycle of creation and destruction, as so many "primitive" spiritual beliefs describe; do echoes of past realities remain, like those ghosts of words that remain on a dry erase board no matter how much you clean it after the ink has been there for a while? There will be an infinite # of "cycles" after this; could we sometimes be seeing the future, the FAR future, as it already exists, perhaps based on the patterns of the present? Or, is it true that time doesn't really exist except in our minds, and that all the universes exist at once, and are all at least theoretically perceptible all at once?
I remember reading a line once about our existing in the mind of God; that would certainly be consistent with everything being made from the energy of thought, all existing at once, just as all our memories and the realities they describe all exist at once in OUR minds, and all made of "thought energy."
I don't believe in God; I don't declare that He doesn't exist, because I have no proof of that, but without proof that he DOES exist, and lacking faith, I don't believe. Still, a significant # of the facets of my concept of karma, when thought through thoroughly along all possible paths, DO lead to possible solutions where God, or a generalized superbeing that might as well be called God, exists. Or, perhaps there's a being that's like the entity Man in Asimov's greatest short story, "The Last Question," which was made of up of all the minds of all the people in existence, except made up of SOULS, and our little souls merge with it after we die...
Rather than engage in an ever-widening spiral of speculation, I'll provide a special treat; I've found a page that has "The Last Question" on it in its entirety. It's quite short, so do PLEASE read it if you never have, and see for yourself why I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach every time I read it... and why I think it has bearing on this topic on more than one level:
http://adin.dyndns.org/adin/TheLastQ.htm
Sunday, March 28, 2004
The school dream revisited
I had it again last night, the dream where I'm back in high school. In what I know now is NOT a coincidence, an upsetting event from outside my control (as school was a constant source of upset outside of my control) occurred to precipitate it; an item I'd won on eBay showed up broken, to my GREAT dismay. Usually, eBay sellers respond promptly, but this one has not, which I think was behind a new twist in the dream; in it, I told someone that there was no English class showing on my schedule, which didn't make sense because that was my best and easiest class (in addition, you HAD to take it every year, but I didn't remember that within the dream)... I didn't get to communicate with the seller, and so didn't get to use my English skills.
During what was a free period for me during the "school day," I was somehow going to visit Scotland (just walk on over, mind you); I had gotten an email from my friend in Scotland before I went to bed, and didn't have time to reply... that one's simple enough, if odd, and also new.
The biggest new twist to the dream was about my locker, which represents my emotional state. The bank of lockers had been moved, but I KNEW that it had been, and they were where I thought they were; my guess is that this refers to a new placement for my emotions, which would tie into the new friend I've posted about several times who I think may have been sent to re-mother me (and she called me out of the blue for us to get together today, when normally she would email about it, non-coincidentally). The locker looked fine, the lock was on and closed, it opened with no problem, and whatever was in there caused me no concern, which is VERY unusual in and of itself, but the REAL biggie was that I noticed a sort of cover over the locker, underneath which was... a KEY, which I knew was a key that would open my lock and therefore my locker. I grabbed the key and thought something about talking to the front office to find out how it got there... the front office, now what is that, perhaps the deepest part of my subconscious mind? I hadn't thought about it before, but although I often think of going to the front office for various reasons, I end up not being able to get there, or not able to find anyone to talk to there, and therefore no answers. Hmmmmmmm......
Anyways; the key. The key that opens the lock that is on my emotions, which are in the locker. Often the locker has been broken into in the dream, but it was intact this time, despite the key being there... the key exists, and was close by, but hadn't been used yet... and that ties into the same new friend who I think is behind the re-positioning of the locker. She IS the key, and she HAS the key, this brilliant, insightful and deeply caring woman who is reaching out to me on all emotional levels as if we were family, who is reaching past the intimidation and distance that my intense personality creates in even long-time friends and drawing me closer to her, despite the recent pain of her own life. I wanted her, I asked karma for her, and she's HERE-every time I interact with her it becomes more clear.
If I try to explain this to her, will she understand? It's so HARD to judge when something will terrify another person and when it will be a blinding epiphany that will open up whole new universes for them...
During what was a free period for me during the "school day," I was somehow going to visit Scotland (just walk on over, mind you); I had gotten an email from my friend in Scotland before I went to bed, and didn't have time to reply... that one's simple enough, if odd, and also new.
The biggest new twist to the dream was about my locker, which represents my emotional state. The bank of lockers had been moved, but I KNEW that it had been, and they were where I thought they were; my guess is that this refers to a new placement for my emotions, which would tie into the new friend I've posted about several times who I think may have been sent to re-mother me (and she called me out of the blue for us to get together today, when normally she would email about it, non-coincidentally). The locker looked fine, the lock was on and closed, it opened with no problem, and whatever was in there caused me no concern, which is VERY unusual in and of itself, but the REAL biggie was that I noticed a sort of cover over the locker, underneath which was... a KEY, which I knew was a key that would open my lock and therefore my locker. I grabbed the key and thought something about talking to the front office to find out how it got there... the front office, now what is that, perhaps the deepest part of my subconscious mind? I hadn't thought about it before, but although I often think of going to the front office for various reasons, I end up not being able to get there, or not able to find anyone to talk to there, and therefore no answers. Hmmmmmmm......
Anyways; the key. The key that opens the lock that is on my emotions, which are in the locker. Often the locker has been broken into in the dream, but it was intact this time, despite the key being there... the key exists, and was close by, but hadn't been used yet... and that ties into the same new friend who I think is behind the re-positioning of the locker. She IS the key, and she HAS the key, this brilliant, insightful and deeply caring woman who is reaching out to me on all emotional levels as if we were family, who is reaching past the intimidation and distance that my intense personality creates in even long-time friends and drawing me closer to her, despite the recent pain of her own life. I wanted her, I asked karma for her, and she's HERE-every time I interact with her it becomes more clear.
If I try to explain this to her, will she understand? It's so HARD to judge when something will terrify another person and when it will be a blinding epiphany that will open up whole new universes for them...
