Saturday, January 01, 2005
Happy Blog Anniversary to ME!! :-)
It's hard to believe that it was a whole year ago that I girded my metaphorical loins, gathered up my wits and my little bit of html, and started this blog. I kept it a secret from my husband for the first couple of months, so that I'd be sure and do all the technical work myself and have it well established before he saw it; it still IS a secret from everyone else in my life, and this has allowed me the freedom to express myself freely, while still offering to any who might want them the end results of my endless ponderings.
With the unfortunate exception of one night when I had no internet access, I've never missed a day of blogging; it's been hard sometimes, when it got late and I was exhausted and still had the essay to write, but I knew that if I gave myself permission to skip it when I was tired, in no time I'd be posting once in a blue moon, and then NEVER... and this process is too important for me to give up. I've made more spiritual progress in the past year than in the entire rest of my life put together; that I've apparently also been enlightening and/or entertaining people, to the tune of over 25,000 hits so far, is a wonderful bonus.
Another major bonus is the many terrific people I've met in the blogosphere; if you haven't already done so, do please visit the blogs on my links list, and I'm sure you'll agree that they're all written by intelligent, interesting people who are well worth a daily read.
I've greatly enjoyed my first year of blogging; thanks to everyone who's visited here for showing me that what I have to say really IS of value to people other than my friends. :-)
Since it's a new calendar year as well as a new blogging year, I'll make a few more comments before I go for my first snooze of 2005: 2004 was, with the exception of the death of a loved one, and the usual mountain of aggravation from my husband (lol), a really good year for me; I've been enriched by more new things in the past year than in any other, materially and experientially as well as spiritually, and I view this new year with more confidence than any previous year. I think I'm starting to get an idea of the strength and comfort that people get from religion, because, even though I don't believe in a paternal deity, just being hooked into the workings of karma has had that effect on me; in the same way that people believe that their deity will make things work out for them, I've seen how I can use things like affirmations and positive thinking to get karma to do good things for ME, and thus that things can usually be made to work out to my benefit. I never expected this particular side effect to my metaphysical spiritual quest, and it just goes to show you how life is often far more wonderful than we imagine, if we give it a chance.
Here's hoping that 2005 will be the best year ever for all of us in the blog world; Happy New Year!! :-)
With the unfortunate exception of one night when I had no internet access, I've never missed a day of blogging; it's been hard sometimes, when it got late and I was exhausted and still had the essay to write, but I knew that if I gave myself permission to skip it when I was tired, in no time I'd be posting once in a blue moon, and then NEVER... and this process is too important for me to give up. I've made more spiritual progress in the past year than in the entire rest of my life put together; that I've apparently also been enlightening and/or entertaining people, to the tune of over 25,000 hits so far, is a wonderful bonus.
Another major bonus is the many terrific people I've met in the blogosphere; if you haven't already done so, do please visit the blogs on my links list, and I'm sure you'll agree that they're all written by intelligent, interesting people who are well worth a daily read.
I've greatly enjoyed my first year of blogging; thanks to everyone who's visited here for showing me that what I have to say really IS of value to people other than my friends. :-)
Since it's a new calendar year as well as a new blogging year, I'll make a few more comments before I go for my first snooze of 2005: 2004 was, with the exception of the death of a loved one, and the usual mountain of aggravation from my husband (lol), a really good year for me; I've been enriched by more new things in the past year than in any other, materially and experientially as well as spiritually, and I view this new year with more confidence than any previous year. I think I'm starting to get an idea of the strength and comfort that people get from religion, because, even though I don't believe in a paternal deity, just being hooked into the workings of karma has had that effect on me; in the same way that people believe that their deity will make things work out for them, I've seen how I can use things like affirmations and positive thinking to get karma to do good things for ME, and thus that things can usually be made to work out to my benefit. I never expected this particular side effect to my metaphysical spiritual quest, and it just goes to show you how life is often far more wonderful than we imagine, if we give it a chance.
Here's hoping that 2005 will be the best year ever for all of us in the blog world; Happy New Year!! :-)
Friday, December 31, 2004
New Year's ANTI-resolutions
Most people make New Year's resolutions, which means that they resolve to do things that they don't do now but "should" be doing, or to stop doing "bad" things, or to do things better, or to improve things about themselves that aren't "good enough" (as if just making this decision on a specific day would substitute for making a consistent effort and showing some willpower). In MY case, though, since I coped with a lifetime of abuse at home and from my peer group by becoming "perfect," and thus beyond the reach of true criticism, I've never had anything to resolve; I don't have any vices or bad habits, everything I "should" be doing I've been doing all along, I'm the very soul of duty, responsibility, organization, and "doing the right thing," and I've always been fanatical about the #1 resolution, weight, so what CAN I resolve?
In honor of a dear friend who died tragically a few years ago, I've started making ANTI-resolutions; I've been resolving, in other words, to do the opposite of self-improve, which is to..... well, there's no word or phrase for it that doesn't sound negative, is there? Let's just say that I want to try to reduce my "excess perfection." Not perfectionISM (which is an attitude that leads to people thinking you're a pain in the behind, not "perfect"), but just to be less of a "perfect person," less of a "saint" (a word that gets applied to me all the time).
My friend motivated me to do this when, not long before she died, I was being "saintly" in my attempts to help a badly depressed person whose behavior was getting more and more unpleasant, and she said something amazing to me; "You don't have to do this. She's not worth it. You can walk away. You SHOULD walk away."
Say what?!! Falter in my mission to help those who are neediest? I was brought up to believe that being a worthwhile person means that you keep working at something until you've succeeded, that you dedicate yourself to a course of action and see it through no matter what.... and I still believe that in general, but my friend was right in that it WAS OK for me to walk away from that woman, and in general that it IS OK for me to walk away when the returns will be minuscule, or negative, in response to my efforts. I don't HAVE to be a saint every moment with everything, I don't HAVE to complete everything perfectly; I can walk away from some things, those that are a poor use of my time and effort, and still be someone who's worthy of respect and admiration, still be seen as being pretty terrific... heck, I could probably still be seen as being "perfect."
I vowed upon my friend's death that I would follow the path she showed me, and I have. I've expanded upon it, and applied it to things other than when someone I'm making alot of effort to help is behaving badly; I've been giving myself permission to NOT handle every task as if someone is going to be coming along after me looking for flaws in what I did... because, now that I no longer live with my mother, no one IS. There are many things that will look wonderful to the rest of the world if I "only" give 95% to them, as opposed to 100% (or 110%), and my ANTI-resolution again this year is to try to find more of those things and choose, CHOOSE, to not make the usually massive effort necessary to do that last, unnoticed, unappreciated, and therefore worthless 5%.
I don't have any specific ideas in mind about how to implement this in 2005, because I'm confident that karma will steer some opportunities my way, as it has the other years I've done this. I'll be working against the very fabric of my personality to expand the areas I apply this to, more this year than in the previous years because I've already done so much of it, but if it were easy I wouldn't need to ANTI-resolve to do it, right?
There may be some things that YOU validly believe that you need to improve in the coming year, but take a moment and ponder on whether there are also some things that you're making too much effort on, to the detriment of other areas in your life that could use that time and energy, and maybe you'll come up with some anti-resolutions of your own.
Have a safe and sane New Year's Eve!! :-)
In honor of a dear friend who died tragically a few years ago, I've started making ANTI-resolutions; I've been resolving, in other words, to do the opposite of self-improve, which is to..... well, there's no word or phrase for it that doesn't sound negative, is there? Let's just say that I want to try to reduce my "excess perfection." Not perfectionISM (which is an attitude that leads to people thinking you're a pain in the behind, not "perfect"), but just to be less of a "perfect person," less of a "saint" (a word that gets applied to me all the time).
My friend motivated me to do this when, not long before she died, I was being "saintly" in my attempts to help a badly depressed person whose behavior was getting more and more unpleasant, and she said something amazing to me; "You don't have to do this. She's not worth it. You can walk away. You SHOULD walk away."
Say what?!! Falter in my mission to help those who are neediest? I was brought up to believe that being a worthwhile person means that you keep working at something until you've succeeded, that you dedicate yourself to a course of action and see it through no matter what.... and I still believe that in general, but my friend was right in that it WAS OK for me to walk away from that woman, and in general that it IS OK for me to walk away when the returns will be minuscule, or negative, in response to my efforts. I don't HAVE to be a saint every moment with everything, I don't HAVE to complete everything perfectly; I can walk away from some things, those that are a poor use of my time and effort, and still be someone who's worthy of respect and admiration, still be seen as being pretty terrific... heck, I could probably still be seen as being "perfect."
I vowed upon my friend's death that I would follow the path she showed me, and I have. I've expanded upon it, and applied it to things other than when someone I'm making alot of effort to help is behaving badly; I've been giving myself permission to NOT handle every task as if someone is going to be coming along after me looking for flaws in what I did... because, now that I no longer live with my mother, no one IS. There are many things that will look wonderful to the rest of the world if I "only" give 95% to them, as opposed to 100% (or 110%), and my ANTI-resolution again this year is to try to find more of those things and choose, CHOOSE, to not make the usually massive effort necessary to do that last, unnoticed, unappreciated, and therefore worthless 5%.
I don't have any specific ideas in mind about how to implement this in 2005, because I'm confident that karma will steer some opportunities my way, as it has the other years I've done this. I'll be working against the very fabric of my personality to expand the areas I apply this to, more this year than in the previous years because I've already done so much of it, but if it were easy I wouldn't need to ANTI-resolve to do it, right?
There may be some things that YOU validly believe that you need to improve in the coming year, but take a moment and ponder on whether there are also some things that you're making too much effort on, to the detriment of other areas in your life that could use that time and energy, and maybe you'll come up with some anti-resolutions of your own.
Have a safe and sane New Year's Eve!! :-)
Thursday, December 30, 2004
What do you sleep in?
There's been a silent revolution in sleepwear in this country; we don't sleep in the same things our grandparents, and even parents, wore. If you're old enough, you'll recall when every man slept in pajamas, flannel in cold weather and smooth cotton in warm weather, and usually with stripes all year round; do you know ANY man under 50 who sleeps in pj's today? Every man I know who's weighed in on the subject sleeps in his underwear or in the nude, year-round, with the occasional foray into a t-shirt and/or sweatpants or "lounge pants" when it's chilly. Women used to sleep in long nightgowns, generally of light-colored cotton or nylon (my mother's favorite), with sleeve lengths that varied with the seasons; many women these days do the underwear or nude thing too, and some sleep in big t-shirts or, weirdly enough, the wide variety of cutsie pj's that have been marketed for women in recent years.
On a tangential note; remember how your elder relatives never got out of bed without putting on a robe and slippers, even in the warmest weather? A man's robe would be sober flannel or terrycloth, and a woman's would be quilted or chenille, pastel or floral; the man's slippers would be leather, and the woman's would be fluffy. When's the last time YOU wore a robe or slippers, other than when it was very chilly? Do you even OWN any? My husband doesn't. I DO, but the robe has only ever been used a couple of times when I had to jump out of the shower for some emergency, and the slippers are only used when I have to go outside for something in a hurry and the weather mitigates against bare feet.
Because comfort is key for me, I sleep in sweatpants and oversized t-shirts, as I have for many years; I remember when, several months before my wedding, my mother announced that I had to start buying nightgowns, because I "had to" wear them once I was married. I pointed out that, since no laws had been passed requiring this, and there was no Nightgown Police, I did NOT "have to." She insisted that my husband would "expect" me to wear nightgowns, and I replied that if he thought I'd EVER change or inconvenience myself to suit his whims, he had a BIG surprise in store for him. She continued to harangue me on the subject until I finally brought it up in front of him, and he laughed in her face and denied having any expectations, or even preferences, as to what I wore to sleep in; that finally shut her up.
True to my word, I've worn the t-shirt and sweatpants combo every night of my marriage... although I DID have a fancy white lingerie set for the wedding night (complete with musical panties that played "Here Comes the Bride")-a little tradition goes a long way.
On a tangential note; remember how your elder relatives never got out of bed without putting on a robe and slippers, even in the warmest weather? A man's robe would be sober flannel or terrycloth, and a woman's would be quilted or chenille, pastel or floral; the man's slippers would be leather, and the woman's would be fluffy. When's the last time YOU wore a robe or slippers, other than when it was very chilly? Do you even OWN any? My husband doesn't. I DO, but the robe has only ever been used a couple of times when I had to jump out of the shower for some emergency, and the slippers are only used when I have to go outside for something in a hurry and the weather mitigates against bare feet.
Because comfort is key for me, I sleep in sweatpants and oversized t-shirts, as I have for many years; I remember when, several months before my wedding, my mother announced that I had to start buying nightgowns, because I "had to" wear them once I was married. I pointed out that, since no laws had been passed requiring this, and there was no Nightgown Police, I did NOT "have to." She insisted that my husband would "expect" me to wear nightgowns, and I replied that if he thought I'd EVER change or inconvenience myself to suit his whims, he had a BIG surprise in store for him. She continued to harangue me on the subject until I finally brought it up in front of him, and he laughed in her face and denied having any expectations, or even preferences, as to what I wore to sleep in; that finally shut her up.
True to my word, I've worn the t-shirt and sweatpants combo every night of my marriage... although I DID have a fancy white lingerie set for the wedding night (complete with musical panties that played "Here Comes the Bride")-a little tradition goes a long way.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
What's the meaning of life?
This seems to be a question whose asking is virtually a requirement of being a human being; it's apparently natural and normal for us to wonder why we're here, what our purpose is, and where we're going to end up. Here's what I came up with on this subject today:
Everything in the omniverse (the collection of all the universes) is made up of energy, and it's all the SAME energy; the theoretical physicists are saying the same thing now, and they call it "superstring theory." They haven't explicitly included the energy of thought in their definition of "everything" as of yet, but *I* do; so, everything is at the finest level made of the same energy as our thoughts.
My concept of animism, which appears in the spiritual beliefs of many so-called "primitive" peoples, is that there's some element of thought in ALL things; quantum physicists have certainly conducted many experiments which seem to show that subatomic particles can "think" (at least enough to act differently based on whether or not they're being watched), although they haven't come right out and claimed that... YET. Thus, being made of the energy of thought grants to everything the ability to "think" to some (usually minuscule) degree, which might mean an awareness so faint as to be virtually nonexistent, in the case of something like a rock, rather than thinking as WE do it-it's all a matter of degree, like comparing a dewdrop to the ocean.
Through the process of evolution, creatures have come into being which have an increasing ability to think, to use that energy of which we're all made; I think that perhaps the reason evolution exists is that it's a property of the energy of thought/everything that it "wants" to come together in steadily more powerful forms... with "want" in quotes because I see this as a blind force of nature, NOT the actions of a being of any kind (although I keep open the possibility that there MIGHT be a guiding intelligence involved, as I can't prove otherwise). This would make the existence of humans a natural outcome of the existence of the omniverse... and the existence of other sentient beings would be as well, but that's a whole other essay.
So, I'd say the reason we exist is same the reason that if you plant an acorn in fertile soil and give it water and sunlight, an oak tree will exist; it's the inevitable outcome of the component parts. In the same way that an oak tree can contribute many things that "justify" its existence, such as shade, homes for birds and animals, and food for squirrels, WE can contribute many things too, the primary one of which is the creation of more energy of thought, which then becomes a part of karma, the fabric of the omniverse... the omniverse "created" us, and now we're creating IT, making it ever more complex and beautiful.
And when we've created as much complexity and beauty as can ever exist, when we've seen all the truths and understood them, what then? What's our ultimate purpose/goal/destination? We'll see that when we die, and our souls (which are made of the same energy as thought and everything else) merge directly with the energies of karma; I'd like to know now, if it's possible to and still be alive, but if not then I'm content to wait, and to struggle in the meantime with other truths.
Even if we can't see the "ultimate truth," we can still theorize that the meaning of life, our purpose, the reason we exist and are able to ponder the deep truths, is... to turn the raw materials of the omniverse, the cosmic version of paints and canvas, into a masterpiece, and become one with it.
Everything in the omniverse (the collection of all the universes) is made up of energy, and it's all the SAME energy; the theoretical physicists are saying the same thing now, and they call it "superstring theory." They haven't explicitly included the energy of thought in their definition of "everything" as of yet, but *I* do; so, everything is at the finest level made of the same energy as our thoughts.
My concept of animism, which appears in the spiritual beliefs of many so-called "primitive" peoples, is that there's some element of thought in ALL things; quantum physicists have certainly conducted many experiments which seem to show that subatomic particles can "think" (at least enough to act differently based on whether or not they're being watched), although they haven't come right out and claimed that... YET. Thus, being made of the energy of thought grants to everything the ability to "think" to some (usually minuscule) degree, which might mean an awareness so faint as to be virtually nonexistent, in the case of something like a rock, rather than thinking as WE do it-it's all a matter of degree, like comparing a dewdrop to the ocean.
Through the process of evolution, creatures have come into being which have an increasing ability to think, to use that energy of which we're all made; I think that perhaps the reason evolution exists is that it's a property of the energy of thought/everything that it "wants" to come together in steadily more powerful forms... with "want" in quotes because I see this as a blind force of nature, NOT the actions of a being of any kind (although I keep open the possibility that there MIGHT be a guiding intelligence involved, as I can't prove otherwise). This would make the existence of humans a natural outcome of the existence of the omniverse... and the existence of other sentient beings would be as well, but that's a whole other essay.
So, I'd say the reason we exist is same the reason that if you plant an acorn in fertile soil and give it water and sunlight, an oak tree will exist; it's the inevitable outcome of the component parts. In the same way that an oak tree can contribute many things that "justify" its existence, such as shade, homes for birds and animals, and food for squirrels, WE can contribute many things too, the primary one of which is the creation of more energy of thought, which then becomes a part of karma, the fabric of the omniverse... the omniverse "created" us, and now we're creating IT, making it ever more complex and beautiful.
And when we've created as much complexity and beauty as can ever exist, when we've seen all the truths and understood them, what then? What's our ultimate purpose/goal/destination? We'll see that when we die, and our souls (which are made of the same energy as thought and everything else) merge directly with the energies of karma; I'd like to know now, if it's possible to and still be alive, but if not then I'm content to wait, and to struggle in the meantime with other truths.
Even if we can't see the "ultimate truth," we can still theorize that the meaning of life, our purpose, the reason we exist and are able to ponder the deep truths, is... to turn the raw materials of the omniverse, the cosmic version of paints and canvas, into a masterpiece, and become one with it.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Relationship rights
Too often, we act, and even THINK, as if we had no rights once we've gotten into any sort of relationship with a person, and/or with members of our family; even the strongest-willed people can turn into doormats when their loved ones, or even LIKED ones, feel like pushing them around. If this sounds like you, one of your New Year's resolutions should be to decide what your "emotional rights" are within all your relationships, and to promise yourself to start demanding them. Here's a list of mine, in no particular order, which was written a few years ago (and yes, I DO insist upon them):
1) I have the right to expect the same effort, honesty, trustworthiness, respect, acceptance, fairness, compassion, consideration, support, assistance, sensitivity, caring, loyalty and good treatment from others that I give to them.
2) If someone accepts my friendship, and the benefits that gives them, I have the right to be treated AS a friend by them at ALL times, not just when they need help or a shoulder to cry on. This means that I have the right to expect them to talk to me when they have no crises brewing, ask about MY life and feelings, and honor my right as their friend to be who I am and say whatever's on my mind when I talk to them.
3) If someone hurts me, I will NOT allow them to victimize me a second time by making me swallow my feelings about that hurt.
If someone hurts me, I have the right to:
A) Be angry (furious, outraged, upset, etc).
B) Be angry to whatever degree is natural for me.
C) Express that anger in accurate terms.
D) Express what I think of the behavior that hurt me, and the person who did it, in accurate terms.
E) Be angry for however long I think is appropriate.
F) Remain the injured party even AFTER I have expressed my anger.
G) Expect sincere apologies and attempts to "make up for it," no matter how angry I am or how I've expressed that anger.
If anyone tries to prevent me from doing any of those things, I have the right to be angry about THAT.
4) I have the right to say NO and make it stick, regardless of who is asking, whether they phrase it as a request or a "command," no matter what sort of persuasion or manipulation they use, or how sure they are that I "should" do what they want.
5) I have the right to make the decisions for, and thus have full and exclusive control over, my life, body, home and property, and to NOT be influenced by the opinions and preferences of others if that's how I want to handle things.
6) I have the right to whatever degree of privacy makes me comfortable.
7) I have the right to make statements, both of facts and opinions, and stand by them, no matter who disagrees or how many times they argue.
8) I have the right to reap the rewards of my efforts, and to refuse to give up those rewards, or any portion thereof, to those who made NO effort themselves.
9) I have the right to cut from my life, at any time and without regret, anyone who mistreats me, especially anyone who receives help and affection from me and repays me with mistreatment.
10) I have the right to NOT always be a tower of strength and everyone's savior, and to NOT be denied help when I'm freaking out because I'm seen as the sort of person who gives help rather than needing it.
If you're thinking, "But I could NEVER ask people to give me those sorts of rights," let me assure you; yes, you CAN. People will only treat you as well as you ask them to; make 2005 the year you start asking for the sort of treatment you deserve.
1) I have the right to expect the same effort, honesty, trustworthiness, respect, acceptance, fairness, compassion, consideration, support, assistance, sensitivity, caring, loyalty and good treatment from others that I give to them.
2) If someone accepts my friendship, and the benefits that gives them, I have the right to be treated AS a friend by them at ALL times, not just when they need help or a shoulder to cry on. This means that I have the right to expect them to talk to me when they have no crises brewing, ask about MY life and feelings, and honor my right as their friend to be who I am and say whatever's on my mind when I talk to them.
3) If someone hurts me, I will NOT allow them to victimize me a second time by making me swallow my feelings about that hurt.
If someone hurts me, I have the right to:
A) Be angry (furious, outraged, upset, etc).
B) Be angry to whatever degree is natural for me.
C) Express that anger in accurate terms.
D) Express what I think of the behavior that hurt me, and the person who did it, in accurate terms.
E) Be angry for however long I think is appropriate.
F) Remain the injured party even AFTER I have expressed my anger.
G) Expect sincere apologies and attempts to "make up for it," no matter how angry I am or how I've expressed that anger.
If anyone tries to prevent me from doing any of those things, I have the right to be angry about THAT.
4) I have the right to say NO and make it stick, regardless of who is asking, whether they phrase it as a request or a "command," no matter what sort of persuasion or manipulation they use, or how sure they are that I "should" do what they want.
5) I have the right to make the decisions for, and thus have full and exclusive control over, my life, body, home and property, and to NOT be influenced by the opinions and preferences of others if that's how I want to handle things.
6) I have the right to whatever degree of privacy makes me comfortable.
7) I have the right to make statements, both of facts and opinions, and stand by them, no matter who disagrees or how many times they argue.
8) I have the right to reap the rewards of my efforts, and to refuse to give up those rewards, or any portion thereof, to those who made NO effort themselves.
9) I have the right to cut from my life, at any time and without regret, anyone who mistreats me, especially anyone who receives help and affection from me and repays me with mistreatment.
10) I have the right to NOT always be a tower of strength and everyone's savior, and to NOT be denied help when I'm freaking out because I'm seen as the sort of person who gives help rather than needing it.
If you're thinking, "But I could NEVER ask people to give me those sorts of rights," let me assure you; yes, you CAN. People will only treat you as well as you ask them to; make 2005 the year you start asking for the sort of treatment you deserve.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Would you rather love or be loved?
I seem to be at odds with much of the human race on this one; nearly everyone would apparently trample over someone who loves them to get to someone they're in love with... it happens all the time, in fact, when folks cheat on loving partners with new people they've fallen in love with, and even leave the innocent ones to go off with the moral midgets who helped them cheat. A case can be made that in many of these instances the new person loves them too, but as often as not the person who gets involved in an affair is just after sex, or a thrill, or some attention, and is NOT in love with the other person... but that person can become obsessed with the affair partner, and focus all their attention on trying to reel them in, while deceiving the official partner. WHY? Even if you've convinced yourself that you no longer love the person you're with, if they're still a good person, and still devoted to you, WHY would you pursue someone else, or even WANT to, no matter how you feel about them, especially if they don't love you back? Why leave an established loving situation for a wildly uncertain one?
And what about when someone single is loved by a perfectly wonderful person, but doesn't love THEM, and so won't give it a chance, because they're waiting to get infatuated with someone... as if that would give them a better chance at happiness, especially if that person didn't return the feelings? Wouldn't it be better to try things out with an objectively terrific person who already loves you than to stumble blindly into potential disaster with someone you're lusting over and can't objectively analyze, and so who might be utterly worthless?
And how about the situations when a relationship breaks up because one partner falls out of love with the other, and makes that perfectly clear, but the unloved partner tries desperately to get the unloving one back, even if they've got a new honey, because they "love" him/her? I've got love in quotes there because it looks more like psychosis than love... why would you want someone who doesn't love you anymore, whether you're foolish enough to still love them or not? Why not use that energy to get someone who WILL love you? Why the fanaticism towards someone who doesn't care about you just because you love them?
And finally, there's the case of those folks who believe themselves to be in love with all sorts of unlikely people that they either don't really know or have never even met, from singers and actors to the cute guy/gal in the next office; it's not uncommon to hear one of these people admit that they'd jump right into a relationship with that person if it were offered, and even leave their current partner in a heartbeat to be with them. They imagine that just the mere presence of the "love object" would be so wonderful that it would automatically surpass what they have with their partner, and the love they get from that person... but WOULD it?
Being in love is a nice feeling, yes... but so is BEING loved, and, more importantly, the latter gives you a better chance of a happy and contented life, as long as you're mature enough to play YOUR part, and return good treatment for good treatment. Despite that, I don't think I've encountered anyone else who'd pick the person who loves them over the person they love... which would YOU choose?
And what about when someone single is loved by a perfectly wonderful person, but doesn't love THEM, and so won't give it a chance, because they're waiting to get infatuated with someone... as if that would give them a better chance at happiness, especially if that person didn't return the feelings? Wouldn't it be better to try things out with an objectively terrific person who already loves you than to stumble blindly into potential disaster with someone you're lusting over and can't objectively analyze, and so who might be utterly worthless?
And how about the situations when a relationship breaks up because one partner falls out of love with the other, and makes that perfectly clear, but the unloved partner tries desperately to get the unloving one back, even if they've got a new honey, because they "love" him/her? I've got love in quotes there because it looks more like psychosis than love... why would you want someone who doesn't love you anymore, whether you're foolish enough to still love them or not? Why not use that energy to get someone who WILL love you? Why the fanaticism towards someone who doesn't care about you just because you love them?
And finally, there's the case of those folks who believe themselves to be in love with all sorts of unlikely people that they either don't really know or have never even met, from singers and actors to the cute guy/gal in the next office; it's not uncommon to hear one of these people admit that they'd jump right into a relationship with that person if it were offered, and even leave their current partner in a heartbeat to be with them. They imagine that just the mere presence of the "love object" would be so wonderful that it would automatically surpass what they have with their partner, and the love they get from that person... but WOULD it?
Being in love is a nice feeling, yes... but so is BEING loved, and, more importantly, the latter gives you a better chance of a happy and contented life, as long as you're mature enough to play YOUR part, and return good treatment for good treatment. Despite that, I don't think I've encountered anyone else who'd pick the person who loves them over the person they love... which would YOU choose?
Sunday, December 26, 2004
A pretty good Christmas
I was a little put off when I woke up, went to the computer, and discovered that my husband was updating the software; there's nothing more excruciating than doing that first eager lunge at the computer for the day only to be foiled, is there? Other than that, though, and a stubbornly plugged toilet, and a chunk of decorations that never did get put out (grrrrrrrrrrrr), the day went surprisingly well.
My husband and I aren't normally romantic types, but he presented me with an elaborate "To My Beautiful Wife" card, the envelope of which he'd painstakingly decorated. You won't understand the meaning of this, but he also got me a pink Sharpie pen; just trust me that someone who knew me really well would think of me if they saw that pen, which is why he got it for me. AND, when I wasn't looking, he did something VERY clever with the giant spider doll that was still sitting out from Halloween (because he'd put a Santa hat on it to make it a Christmas decoration, not because we didn't pack up the Halloween stuff, just FYI); he'd gotten a bottle of eggnog and some bendy straws and managed to set it up to look like "Santa spider" is drinking the eggnog, LOL!! This sort of thing is why, despite his MANY flaws and failings, I keep him around.
I gave him COAL, both in candy form and rubber "ball" form, and we sang a special Christmas song I wrote for him last year; like me, he already has every material thing he wants, so this made him happy.
We discovered that getting a much more expensive roast means that you have a much tastier Christmas dinner, in fact our best ever, and we watched a hilarious movie together (the remake of "The In-Laws") as we ate it.
I got emails from a couple of friends I hadn't heard from in a long while, beat a game I've been playing on Yahoo
http://games.yahoo.com/games/downloads/cl.html
and it actually SAYS you beat it if you manage to do so, which is pretty cool, especially since my husband has NOT been able to beat it, hehehe, and I found and downloaded a song I've been dying to have for ages.
No family, no other people at all, no real gifts, no seasonal music or movies, a small simple meal... not what most people would want, certainly, but it worked really well for US. :-)
My husband and I aren't normally romantic types, but he presented me with an elaborate "To My Beautiful Wife" card, the envelope of which he'd painstakingly decorated. You won't understand the meaning of this, but he also got me a pink Sharpie pen; just trust me that someone who knew me really well would think of me if they saw that pen, which is why he got it for me. AND, when I wasn't looking, he did something VERY clever with the giant spider doll that was still sitting out from Halloween (because he'd put a Santa hat on it to make it a Christmas decoration, not because we didn't pack up the Halloween stuff, just FYI); he'd gotten a bottle of eggnog and some bendy straws and managed to set it up to look like "Santa spider" is drinking the eggnog, LOL!! This sort of thing is why, despite his MANY flaws and failings, I keep him around.
I gave him COAL, both in candy form and rubber "ball" form, and we sang a special Christmas song I wrote for him last year; like me, he already has every material thing he wants, so this made him happy.
We discovered that getting a much more expensive roast means that you have a much tastier Christmas dinner, in fact our best ever, and we watched a hilarious movie together (the remake of "The In-Laws") as we ate it.
I got emails from a couple of friends I hadn't heard from in a long while, beat a game I've been playing on Yahoo
http://games.yahoo.com/games/downloads/cl.html
and it actually SAYS you beat it if you manage to do so, which is pretty cool, especially since my husband has NOT been able to beat it, hehehe, and I found and downloaded a song I've been dying to have for ages.
No family, no other people at all, no real gifts, no seasonal music or movies, a small simple meal... not what most people would want, certainly, but it worked really well for US. :-)
