Friday, May 07, 2004
The perfect family
They exist. Really, they do. I don't mean in a movie or TV show, but right here in my suburban neighborhood (I don't know if they actually live here, but some elderly relatives of theirs live here, and the relatives babysit for them).
I see most of them almost every day. They pull up in a large, new-looking white van that is always unbelievably shiny, as if it gets washed and waxed every day. The woman gets out first; she is slender, fit, has long blonde hair that I'd bet $ is natural, and the sort of beautiful face that makes one think of head cheerleaders. She opens up the side door of the van to offload her 2 little kids (I'd guess the girl to be about 5, and the boy 2-3 years older), both of whom are VERY blonde (the girl's hair is waist-length), very gorgeous, slim and poised like their mother. There has been a recent addition, a tow-haired baby of indeterminate gender; the mother never got very big during the pregnancy, didn't seem to gain weight anywhere else than her barely protruding belly, and now looks like she was never pregnant.
I had been seeing them for many months without seeing the man, and wondered many times what he looked like, what kind of man had this wife and these kids. Shortly after the baby was born, I finally saw him; tall, trim, blonde and good-looking, and driving a vintage convertible sports car that my husband says is very valuable. He showed up at my neighbors' home alone, but the instant I saw him I KNEW that he had to be the missing husband/father; I've since seen him with them several times, confirming my guess.
Two adults possessed of every aspect of physical attractiveness, blessed with 3 beautiful blonde kids, and obviously well-to-do; don't you wonder what it feels like to be them? Can you imagine the awe and envy with which their friends view them? What sorts of jobs do they have, to fund their expensive vehicles? Can you imagine coworkers going past their desks and seeing the family photos that look like advertisements from upscale magazines? Do they have siblings, and if so what do THEY think when they compare themselves to their more fortunate brother or sister? Do they lord it over their families for being so astoundingly lucky, or are they sweet and humble?
What do they argue about? What have they GOT to argue about? Does she buy too many pairs of shoes? Does he spend too much time playing racquetball?
Are they religious? Spiritual? Politically active? Do they do volunteer work? Do they paint pictures or write poetry in their 5 minutes of spare time each day?
What's sex like for them? It's not like either of them could have body issues... or does she have stretch marks, does he have a pip-squeak pipecleaner? I wouldn't count on it. Is she too tired from the baby to do it now? Is he eyeballing his secretary? Probably not.
Then again, how can you tell? Certainly the famous beautiful people tend to have dreadful marriages... might this golden couple be the same? Or are they the American dream in private as well as in appearance?
I don't normally have much curiosity about the lives of strangers (I don't even care about the lives of famous people, and yes I know that's un-American), but if it was possible to interview this couple, and take clandestine videos of their lives, so that I could see, so that we ALL could see, what the life of this "ideal" family is REALLY like, for good or for ill, I'd be as interested as anybody.
Maybe I'll go out to the mailbox the next time they're out there and say hi, look into their eyes and see what I can pick up...
I see most of them almost every day. They pull up in a large, new-looking white van that is always unbelievably shiny, as if it gets washed and waxed every day. The woman gets out first; she is slender, fit, has long blonde hair that I'd bet $ is natural, and the sort of beautiful face that makes one think of head cheerleaders. She opens up the side door of the van to offload her 2 little kids (I'd guess the girl to be about 5, and the boy 2-3 years older), both of whom are VERY blonde (the girl's hair is waist-length), very gorgeous, slim and poised like their mother. There has been a recent addition, a tow-haired baby of indeterminate gender; the mother never got very big during the pregnancy, didn't seem to gain weight anywhere else than her barely protruding belly, and now looks like she was never pregnant.
I had been seeing them for many months without seeing the man, and wondered many times what he looked like, what kind of man had this wife and these kids. Shortly after the baby was born, I finally saw him; tall, trim, blonde and good-looking, and driving a vintage convertible sports car that my husband says is very valuable. He showed up at my neighbors' home alone, but the instant I saw him I KNEW that he had to be the missing husband/father; I've since seen him with them several times, confirming my guess.
Two adults possessed of every aspect of physical attractiveness, blessed with 3 beautiful blonde kids, and obviously well-to-do; don't you wonder what it feels like to be them? Can you imagine the awe and envy with which their friends view them? What sorts of jobs do they have, to fund their expensive vehicles? Can you imagine coworkers going past their desks and seeing the family photos that look like advertisements from upscale magazines? Do they have siblings, and if so what do THEY think when they compare themselves to their more fortunate brother or sister? Do they lord it over their families for being so astoundingly lucky, or are they sweet and humble?
What do they argue about? What have they GOT to argue about? Does she buy too many pairs of shoes? Does he spend too much time playing racquetball?
Are they religious? Spiritual? Politically active? Do they do volunteer work? Do they paint pictures or write poetry in their 5 minutes of spare time each day?
What's sex like for them? It's not like either of them could have body issues... or does she have stretch marks, does he have a pip-squeak pipecleaner? I wouldn't count on it. Is she too tired from the baby to do it now? Is he eyeballing his secretary? Probably not.
Then again, how can you tell? Certainly the famous beautiful people tend to have dreadful marriages... might this golden couple be the same? Or are they the American dream in private as well as in appearance?
I don't normally have much curiosity about the lives of strangers (I don't even care about the lives of famous people, and yes I know that's un-American), but if it was possible to interview this couple, and take clandestine videos of their lives, so that I could see, so that we ALL could see, what the life of this "ideal" family is REALLY like, for good or for ill, I'd be as interested as anybody.
Maybe I'll go out to the mailbox the next time they're out there and say hi, look into their eyes and see what I can pick up...
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Have we got it backwards?
One of our cultural imperatives in America is to be a go-getter; if you want something, figure out the best way to get it and go right after it. I've always done this, and haven't had great results; my husband, on the other hand, has always lived life as if some magic is going to occur and handle things without him lifting a finger... and it generally works out for him. (And yes, this ticks me off no end, lol.)
During the first few years with my husband, I gritted my teeth and kept on doing things the way that it rationally seemed HAD to lead to the best chance of success, but, as I started accepting more and more overall that things don't always work in a way that we think is rational, or in a way under our direct control, I decided that it would be foolish not to try a method that consistently worked better than the way I'd been taught, and have started letting some things slide to see if they'll resolve themselves... and they usually do.
The New Age Christians say things like "Let go and let God"; since this directly contradicts the line from the Bible about God helping those who help themselves, I don't give Christianity credit for this one... it just represents the realization that if you lay back and wait for things to work out, you'll usually end up with a better result than if you hammered away at it.
What makes things move forward to the "right result" without you pushing it along? Karma. The patterns of karma are already laid out, and, while you DO have to keep your personal karma clean, get out of bed in the morning and live your life (if you don't, karma will NOT send people to feed you grapes and give you sponge baths), and show some basic common sense, most issues that seem insoluble will melt away if you give them some time.
Does that sound crazy? Heck, it sounds crazy to ME, and I've been testing it for YEARS now. I flinch when I talk about it. I'm still stunned when it plays out the way it does. My deeply rational conscious mind wants to reject it... but, I can't let it, because the truth, however outrageous, however contrary to our cherished cultural beliefs, is still the truth. Try it, and see for yourself.
During the first few years with my husband, I gritted my teeth and kept on doing things the way that it rationally seemed HAD to lead to the best chance of success, but, as I started accepting more and more overall that things don't always work in a way that we think is rational, or in a way under our direct control, I decided that it would be foolish not to try a method that consistently worked better than the way I'd been taught, and have started letting some things slide to see if they'll resolve themselves... and they usually do.
The New Age Christians say things like "Let go and let God"; since this directly contradicts the line from the Bible about God helping those who help themselves, I don't give Christianity credit for this one... it just represents the realization that if you lay back and wait for things to work out, you'll usually end up with a better result than if you hammered away at it.
What makes things move forward to the "right result" without you pushing it along? Karma. The patterns of karma are already laid out, and, while you DO have to keep your personal karma clean, get out of bed in the morning and live your life (if you don't, karma will NOT send people to feed you grapes and give you sponge baths), and show some basic common sense, most issues that seem insoluble will melt away if you give them some time.
Does that sound crazy? Heck, it sounds crazy to ME, and I've been testing it for YEARS now. I flinch when I talk about it. I'm still stunned when it plays out the way it does. My deeply rational conscious mind wants to reject it... but, I can't let it, because the truth, however outrageous, however contrary to our cherished cultural beliefs, is still the truth. Try it, and see for yourself.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Karma can us give hard choices
A friend of mine had a sick pet recently; because she has faith in my abilities as an animal communicator, she sent me a recent photo so that I could "take a reading" and add my input to whatever the vet was going to tell her... but due to the vagaries of free email systems, it was WEEKS before the email showed up. There was no reason to think that the animal was still sick after all that time, but I felt honor-bound to take a look, so I focused in on his sweet face to see if I picked up any of the tummy distress that his mommy had seen in him... and instead I got an odd sort of pressure and pain in my chest that I couldn't explain. I wrote her back and told her that, along with the reason for the delay, and asked her how he was, wondering if what I'd picked up meant that he had pneumonia or something; her response, as you've probably guessed, was that he was dead. :-(
So, now I know what a dead animal feels like from the inside, as it were; I can't say that I like it much. What I like even less is the karmic quandary this has presented me with; a different friend has an equally beloved pet that she had allowed the previous "mommy" to take away for a visit, only to have that woman tell her that their beloved had been run over by a car. My friend felt strongly that the ex-mommy had just decided to keep the pet and was lying to cover up, but she had no way to prove it, and no $ to travel to confront the woman, who continued to stick to her story, and... my friend just accepted that her baby was dead, and mourned him. Now, after all these months, there's a way for us to know the truth... and it's up to ME to decide whether or not to pursue it.
I went to a site where I was reasonably certain that she'd have pics of him still posted, and they were there. I looked at his little face, and what I picked up bears no resemblance to what I felt from the dead animal; if what I felt WAS the touch of death, and not a wild coincidence, then that animal is ALIVE.
His mommy has seen me perform many "miracles" with animal communication, and if I tell her that I think he's still alive, she'll believe me... and then what? Would this not just rip open wounds that are mostly healed, making her long for the pet that she has no way to get to? Or will she just be glad that he's alive somewhere? And what if what I picked up from the photo of the dead animal was his mommy's grief, which I didn't get from the other animal's photo because his mommy no longer has fresh grief? What if I'm just plain WRONG, and I get this sweet lady all worked up for nothing?
What if I'm right, and there turns out to be a way for her to pursue this... and I don't tell her?
I don't know for sure what the result of any of my actions would be; sadly, that is all too often the case. All I can do is try to analyze it as best as I can, weigh the options, and try to do the right thing.
This is one of the many occasions where ignorance would indeed be bliss, sigh.
So, now I know what a dead animal feels like from the inside, as it were; I can't say that I like it much. What I like even less is the karmic quandary this has presented me with; a different friend has an equally beloved pet that she had allowed the previous "mommy" to take away for a visit, only to have that woman tell her that their beloved had been run over by a car. My friend felt strongly that the ex-mommy had just decided to keep the pet and was lying to cover up, but she had no way to prove it, and no $ to travel to confront the woman, who continued to stick to her story, and... my friend just accepted that her baby was dead, and mourned him. Now, after all these months, there's a way for us to know the truth... and it's up to ME to decide whether or not to pursue it.
I went to a site where I was reasonably certain that she'd have pics of him still posted, and they were there. I looked at his little face, and what I picked up bears no resemblance to what I felt from the dead animal; if what I felt WAS the touch of death, and not a wild coincidence, then that animal is ALIVE.
His mommy has seen me perform many "miracles" with animal communication, and if I tell her that I think he's still alive, she'll believe me... and then what? Would this not just rip open wounds that are mostly healed, making her long for the pet that she has no way to get to? Or will she just be glad that he's alive somewhere? And what if what I picked up from the photo of the dead animal was his mommy's grief, which I didn't get from the other animal's photo because his mommy no longer has fresh grief? What if I'm just plain WRONG, and I get this sweet lady all worked up for nothing?
What if I'm right, and there turns out to be a way for her to pursue this... and I don't tell her?
I don't know for sure what the result of any of my actions would be; sadly, that is all too often the case. All I can do is try to analyze it as best as I can, weigh the options, and try to do the right thing.
This is one of the many occasions where ignorance would indeed be bliss, sigh.
Monday, May 03, 2004
A step forward in understanding the quantum
The quantum world is stranger than anything else known to science. What occurs there, in the world of the extremely tiny, violates all the laws of physics that govern our lives, violates our very ideas of reality... but somehow "becomes" our familiar reality when taken all together. How does this happen? We don't know, but they HAVE found at least one way to make matter switch from following the laws of regular physics to following the "laws" of quantum physics. Something so basic that it's mind-boggling that this is a new discovery... HEAT.
The June 2004 issue of "Discover" provides the following revelation on page 15:
"In some ways, the world seems divided in two: our classical world, where objects have well-defined locations, and the quantum realm, where particles seem to be everywhere at once. University of Vienna physicists designed an experiment to traverse these worlds with a change in temperature.
Using a laser, Anton Zeilinger, Markus Arndt, and their team heated giant carbon molecules to more than 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit in an airless environment. Above that temperature the molecules acted in a classical way. But as the temperature dropped, they switched into a wavelike state in which their location could be described only in the statistical terms of quantum physics-they no longer seemed to be in any one place. This transition may depend not on temperature but on the particle's relationship to its surroundings. When the carbon molecule was hot, it emitted radiation that interacted with nearby walls, giving it a definite location. When cooled, the molecule stopped radiating and became an isolated quantum-style object.
The transition from quantum to classical, called decoherence, has never before been demonstrated using heat."
However widely separated various parts of reality are, or seem to be, there are ALWAYS paths between them. If something as simple as heat can transition matter between "normal" physics and quantum weirdness, might not something equally as simple be the bridge between what we can access directly now and energies that are currently beyond the grasp of science?
Every time a new insight into the quantum world pops up, I see us moving a step closer to whatever it is that controls it and links it to all the other "unknowns" out there, from synchronicity to telepathy to souls... all the aspects of my philosophy of karma. I sometimes refer to "the engine of karma," and, although I speak metaphorically, I do sometimes wonder if there IS a central thing at the helm, guiding the energy that underlies all that is unseen, or if it is merely a structure that surrounds us, full of twists and turns and surprises, like one of those fantasy games where you travel through a 3-D maze, with unknowns all around, but with rules that exist in the programming where you can't see them directly... rules that CAN eventually be learned. As the rules of the much more complicated and subtle "game" that we call "reality" can, and will, eventually be learned. Even a first-time player of a game can make some progress, and it doesn't take a degree in physics or any special training; look around you, REALLY look, and you'll be amazed at what YOU see.
The June 2004 issue of "Discover" provides the following revelation on page 15:
"In some ways, the world seems divided in two: our classical world, where objects have well-defined locations, and the quantum realm, where particles seem to be everywhere at once. University of Vienna physicists designed an experiment to traverse these worlds with a change in temperature.
Using a laser, Anton Zeilinger, Markus Arndt, and their team heated giant carbon molecules to more than 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit in an airless environment. Above that temperature the molecules acted in a classical way. But as the temperature dropped, they switched into a wavelike state in which their location could be described only in the statistical terms of quantum physics-they no longer seemed to be in any one place. This transition may depend not on temperature but on the particle's relationship to its surroundings. When the carbon molecule was hot, it emitted radiation that interacted with nearby walls, giving it a definite location. When cooled, the molecule stopped radiating and became an isolated quantum-style object.
The transition from quantum to classical, called decoherence, has never before been demonstrated using heat."
However widely separated various parts of reality are, or seem to be, there are ALWAYS paths between them. If something as simple as heat can transition matter between "normal" physics and quantum weirdness, might not something equally as simple be the bridge between what we can access directly now and energies that are currently beyond the grasp of science?
Every time a new insight into the quantum world pops up, I see us moving a step closer to whatever it is that controls it and links it to all the other "unknowns" out there, from synchronicity to telepathy to souls... all the aspects of my philosophy of karma. I sometimes refer to "the engine of karma," and, although I speak metaphorically, I do sometimes wonder if there IS a central thing at the helm, guiding the energy that underlies all that is unseen, or if it is merely a structure that surrounds us, full of twists and turns and surprises, like one of those fantasy games where you travel through a 3-D maze, with unknowns all around, but with rules that exist in the programming where you can't see them directly... rules that CAN eventually be learned. As the rules of the much more complicated and subtle "game" that we call "reality" can, and will, eventually be learned. Even a first-time player of a game can make some progress, and it doesn't take a degree in physics or any special training; look around you, REALLY look, and you'll be amazed at what YOU see.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Food as religion
This is one of my pet peeves; people who structure what they "can't," "don't," or "must" eat as if they were following religious doctrine (I am NOT referring to people whose religion has dietary restrictions).
I went to college with a guy who refused to drink anything with carbonation in it; even when someone bought him a soda and tried to give it to him, he refused to take a single sip... not because he didn't like it, not because it made him sick, not because of some sort of medical condition, but solely because he'd chosen on a whim for that to be something he'd refuse to consume, and he wouldn't make an exception even to protect a nice guy's feelings.
I read recently about someone who refused to consume caffeine for "spiritual reasons"; what on Earth is SPIRITUAL about whether or not you consume CAFFEINE?!! Why eliminate eating something particularly tasty, chocolate, because it naturally contains a minuscule amount of caffeine? If you're allergic, sure, I can see not eating any, or if you're dieting, or diabetic, but just because you invented a spirituality that doesn't allow caffeine, that's going to keep you from eating one bite of someone's birthday cake because it's chocolate?
There are all sorts of claims by people that you'll be more or less spiritual based on what you eat, as if that could possibly have anything to do with your SOUL, as if your soul will shrivel if you eat sugar or expand because you ate raw seaweed... and these folks will treat their self-created food do's and don'ts as if they were handed down from God, and refuse to be flexible or reasonable.
Then, there are those that heard some wild rumor 10 years ago that some sort of food was particularly good or bad, and, even though the rumors have been repeatedly disproven, will continue to choke down or avoid that food, as if showing "faith" in the virtue or evil of certain foods will magically promote health or long life. You know the type; their diet overall is dreadful, but they make a big issue out of whatever the food is that they won't eat or force themselves to eat, as if that bit of foolishness counteracts their overall dietary moronicism.
Then, there are the folks who won't eat yellow food because they don't like the color yellow, or create a nutritional imbalance because they've decided that fat, or carbs, or proteins are "bad," or won't drink chilled water because they think it slows their digestion, or think that as long as their 600 calorie, fat- and sugar-filled muffin has one gram of oat bran that it counts as health food, and on and on and on.
If any of this sounds like YOU, here's a news flash; unless your doctor has told you otherwise, there's no such thing as a food, or component of food, that you CAN'T eat, or MUST eat, or that will have magical effect on your health based on whether you eat it or not... and no matter what ANYONE says, these things have no bearing on your spirituality. Don't get your jollies by denying yourself some random tasty thing, or by chanting "no no no" to friends who'd just like to see you enjoy a little treat with them without your making a Federal case out of it in a pitiful bid for attention. If you want to be healthy, eat healthy foods in reasonable amounts. If you want to enhance your spirituality, focus on spiritual matters. In either case, find something more appropriate to apply your willpower to than whether or not you'll allow yourself to have fruit after 7PM or mustard on your hot dog.
I went to college with a guy who refused to drink anything with carbonation in it; even when someone bought him a soda and tried to give it to him, he refused to take a single sip... not because he didn't like it, not because it made him sick, not because of some sort of medical condition, but solely because he'd chosen on a whim for that to be something he'd refuse to consume, and he wouldn't make an exception even to protect a nice guy's feelings.
I read recently about someone who refused to consume caffeine for "spiritual reasons"; what on Earth is SPIRITUAL about whether or not you consume CAFFEINE?!! Why eliminate eating something particularly tasty, chocolate, because it naturally contains a minuscule amount of caffeine? If you're allergic, sure, I can see not eating any, or if you're dieting, or diabetic, but just because you invented a spirituality that doesn't allow caffeine, that's going to keep you from eating one bite of someone's birthday cake because it's chocolate?
There are all sorts of claims by people that you'll be more or less spiritual based on what you eat, as if that could possibly have anything to do with your SOUL, as if your soul will shrivel if you eat sugar or expand because you ate raw seaweed... and these folks will treat their self-created food do's and don'ts as if they were handed down from God, and refuse to be flexible or reasonable.
Then, there are those that heard some wild rumor 10 years ago that some sort of food was particularly good or bad, and, even though the rumors have been repeatedly disproven, will continue to choke down or avoid that food, as if showing "faith" in the virtue or evil of certain foods will magically promote health or long life. You know the type; their diet overall is dreadful, but they make a big issue out of whatever the food is that they won't eat or force themselves to eat, as if that bit of foolishness counteracts their overall dietary moronicism.
Then, there are the folks who won't eat yellow food because they don't like the color yellow, or create a nutritional imbalance because they've decided that fat, or carbs, or proteins are "bad," or won't drink chilled water because they think it slows their digestion, or think that as long as their 600 calorie, fat- and sugar-filled muffin has one gram of oat bran that it counts as health food, and on and on and on.
If any of this sounds like YOU, here's a news flash; unless your doctor has told you otherwise, there's no such thing as a food, or component of food, that you CAN'T eat, or MUST eat, or that will have magical effect on your health based on whether you eat it or not... and no matter what ANYONE says, these things have no bearing on your spirituality. Don't get your jollies by denying yourself some random tasty thing, or by chanting "no no no" to friends who'd just like to see you enjoy a little treat with them without your making a Federal case out of it in a pitiful bid for attention. If you want to be healthy, eat healthy foods in reasonable amounts. If you want to enhance your spirituality, focus on spiritual matters. In either case, find something more appropriate to apply your willpower to than whether or not you'll allow yourself to have fruit after 7PM or mustard on your hot dog.
Does it matter what's real online?
You chat online with someone who claims to be a hot member of your gender of choice... does it matter if they're lying? They send you pics that could be of anyone, claiming they're pics of them... does it matter if they're not? Do you care more about reality, or about enjoying the fantasy that you're talking to a real live babe?
You chat with someone online who seems to really like you, and to be a real friend... does it matter that they're probably lying about every aspect of their lives, and will eventually bail on you, or do you just care about feeling for a while like you've made a new friend?
You post with a group of people on a forum, and you all seem to get along so well... does it matter that you're almost certain to fight and "break up" within a few months, or is all that matters that you get to feel part of a cool group for a while?
You get emotionally involved with someone online, and are convinced that you have a romantic future together... does it matter that they've probably been leading you down the garden path all along, never intending to be with you, and are probably having the same "heartfelt chats" and cyber sessions with several other people, or just that you got to feel that new-love rush?
Online socialization is so quick, so easy, so without impact on our real lives and real selves, for the most part, that we dive eagerly into it over and over, even after we've been burned countless times; let's face it, it's better than nothing, and we're so busy, stressed and distracted these days that being able to socialize at any time, for 2 minutes or 2 hours, at our whim, is immensely appealing.
BUT... don't we lose something for every moment we spend on these throwaway "relationships"? Couldn't we invest that time and energy into REAL relationships? Are we losing our ability to meet and befriend people face to face? Are we forgetting how to commit and emotionally attach? Will we all be waking up one day and realize that the only "friends" we have are school chums we haven't exchanged more than Christmas cards with for 10 years, and IM buddies that we won't be talking to in a month? Doesn't THAT matter?
What about those of us who just use those emails and IM sessions with online strangers that we call friends as sort of a virtual reality game, a way to destress and have a little human contact with people who can't mess up our lives, as just one part of a full and busy life? Does it do any harm? Does it matter if we fantasize that the person we're talking to is a hottie that is interested in us, so that we can be excited and feel desirable for a while? Does it MATTER what's real if we're never going to take it beyond a certain level, never going to get sucked in or have things drag out?
I don't know. No one does. We all have guesses, but online life hasn't been around long enough for anyone to actually KNOW how this stuff will affect us in the long run. I'd probably spend alot of time worrying about it... but I've gotta go write some emails. ;-)
You chat with someone online who seems to really like you, and to be a real friend... does it matter that they're probably lying about every aspect of their lives, and will eventually bail on you, or do you just care about feeling for a while like you've made a new friend?
You post with a group of people on a forum, and you all seem to get along so well... does it matter that you're almost certain to fight and "break up" within a few months, or is all that matters that you get to feel part of a cool group for a while?
You get emotionally involved with someone online, and are convinced that you have a romantic future together... does it matter that they've probably been leading you down the garden path all along, never intending to be with you, and are probably having the same "heartfelt chats" and cyber sessions with several other people, or just that you got to feel that new-love rush?
Online socialization is so quick, so easy, so without impact on our real lives and real selves, for the most part, that we dive eagerly into it over and over, even after we've been burned countless times; let's face it, it's better than nothing, and we're so busy, stressed and distracted these days that being able to socialize at any time, for 2 minutes or 2 hours, at our whim, is immensely appealing.
BUT... don't we lose something for every moment we spend on these throwaway "relationships"? Couldn't we invest that time and energy into REAL relationships? Are we losing our ability to meet and befriend people face to face? Are we forgetting how to commit and emotionally attach? Will we all be waking up one day and realize that the only "friends" we have are school chums we haven't exchanged more than Christmas cards with for 10 years, and IM buddies that we won't be talking to in a month? Doesn't THAT matter?
What about those of us who just use those emails and IM sessions with online strangers that we call friends as sort of a virtual reality game, a way to destress and have a little human contact with people who can't mess up our lives, as just one part of a full and busy life? Does it do any harm? Does it matter if we fantasize that the person we're talking to is a hottie that is interested in us, so that we can be excited and feel desirable for a while? Does it MATTER what's real if we're never going to take it beyond a certain level, never going to get sucked in or have things drag out?
I don't know. No one does. We all have guesses, but online life hasn't been around long enough for anyone to actually KNOW how this stuff will affect us in the long run. I'd probably spend alot of time worrying about it... but I've gotta go write some emails. ;-)
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Eternal childhood
Think there's no such thing? Maybe not, but we're sure TRYING.
It's not that long since TEENAGERS were considered adults; by the age of 20, nearly everyone was out of their parental home and married, and working on whatever they'd be doing for the rest of their lives. Meanwhile, in the current era, I know several people who are 40, FORTY, or older who are still living with their families, aren't even dating, and are working menial jobs or none. When do THEY become adults, I mean REAL adults?
There's a far bigger group of people out there who, in their 20's and even their 30's, are living like college kids; their homes are hardly better than dorms, with hand-me-down furniture and mismatched kitchenware, and no hint of the tidiness and graciousness that used to be associated with a home inhabited by adults, their cars are garbage cans with wheels (which are rarely paid for), they dress like street people outside of work and sometimes AT work, and they date casually, and play house together just as casually, as if it's possible, or even desirable, to never reach true adulthood... and thus perhaps live forever?
Why are we waiting longer and longer to live like adults? What do people GAIN by being kids with crow's feet? The main thing you hear from these folks is how they don't want to lose their freedom and independence by settling down; do you suppose any of them know how childish that sounds? After all, ONLY a child should expect to be able to live their life with no responsibilities, without having to take other people into account when making choices, without having to plan for the future, so why do we have so many so-called adults holding that up as an ideal?
We've become unwilling to appreciate any sort of pleasure that doesn't come running up to us and shove enjoyment down our throats, so to speak. Because the countless deep satisfactions of being married to someone you want to be with forever, having a well-cared-for home that you don't plan to leave after a 1-year lease is up, and forming a real family, aren't glaringly obvious when you haven't experienced them, it's easy to be seduced by the familiar pleasures of being a slob, spending $ faster than you earn it, and blundering through life with no goals... hey, I didn't say that *I* thought those things were great, did you expect me to make them sound glamorous, lol?
The point is: If you don't commit to real adulthood, and someone to share it with, you'll be missing out on the most intense enjoyment available to homo sapiens. Don't put it off until you're too old to build a good life; the sooner you get started, the sooner you'll get to the REAL good stuff.
It's not that long since TEENAGERS were considered adults; by the age of 20, nearly everyone was out of their parental home and married, and working on whatever they'd be doing for the rest of their lives. Meanwhile, in the current era, I know several people who are 40, FORTY, or older who are still living with their families, aren't even dating, and are working menial jobs or none. When do THEY become adults, I mean REAL adults?
There's a far bigger group of people out there who, in their 20's and even their 30's, are living like college kids; their homes are hardly better than dorms, with hand-me-down furniture and mismatched kitchenware, and no hint of the tidiness and graciousness that used to be associated with a home inhabited by adults, their cars are garbage cans with wheels (which are rarely paid for), they dress like street people outside of work and sometimes AT work, and they date casually, and play house together just as casually, as if it's possible, or even desirable, to never reach true adulthood... and thus perhaps live forever?
Why are we waiting longer and longer to live like adults? What do people GAIN by being kids with crow's feet? The main thing you hear from these folks is how they don't want to lose their freedom and independence by settling down; do you suppose any of them know how childish that sounds? After all, ONLY a child should expect to be able to live their life with no responsibilities, without having to take other people into account when making choices, without having to plan for the future, so why do we have so many so-called adults holding that up as an ideal?
We've become unwilling to appreciate any sort of pleasure that doesn't come running up to us and shove enjoyment down our throats, so to speak. Because the countless deep satisfactions of being married to someone you want to be with forever, having a well-cared-for home that you don't plan to leave after a 1-year lease is up, and forming a real family, aren't glaringly obvious when you haven't experienced them, it's easy to be seduced by the familiar pleasures of being a slob, spending $ faster than you earn it, and blundering through life with no goals... hey, I didn't say that *I* thought those things were great, did you expect me to make them sound glamorous, lol?
The point is: If you don't commit to real adulthood, and someone to share it with, you'll be missing out on the most intense enjoyment available to homo sapiens. Don't put it off until you're too old to build a good life; the sooner you get started, the sooner you'll get to the REAL good stuff.
