Monday, June 07, 2004
"Feel" and "think" are NOT the same
Have you noticed that, in the past decade or so, the word "think" has been gradually replaced by the word "feel" when people are stating their views? Have you ever wondered WHY this substitution has been taking place? Is it because people think it makes their thoughts sound more intense and meaningful, or because they figure that no one will argue with them that way, or because we've just become too STUPID as a nation to know the difference between thoughts and feelings?
Do you think this is too trivial to worry about? Does it not matter that we sound like idiots to people from other cultures when we don't know how to use such basic words from our own language? Does it not matter that we internalize the words we hear and use, such that many people literally don't know what the dividing line is between thoughts and feelings any more? Think I'm exaggerating? Next time someone says something like, "I feel that blue is the best color for a suit," try telling them that their statement did NOT in fact describe a feeling-there's a 95% chance that they'll ARGUE the point.
No matter how strongly you feel about a thought, that does NOT make it a feeling; the word "feel" refers to emotions only, and emotions are things like anger and sadness, so it's correct to say "I feel angry" or "I feel sad," but it's NOT correct to say "I feel that 'Angel' is a good TV show" or "I feel like it's time to look for a new job"... you COULD correctly say "I feel unhappy at my job, so I think it's time to look for a new one," but that does NOT mean that you can correctly use the former sentence as "shorthand" for the latter, no matter how many times you hear other people do just that.
If you want to describe your emotional state, use "feel." If you want to refer to the ideas in your head, use "think." Strike a blow against the dumbing down of the English language; use these words correctly, and prod other people to do so... especially those smug self-righteous types who you KNOW do it to try to give their stupid thoughts greater weight.
Do you think this is too trivial to worry about? Does it not matter that we sound like idiots to people from other cultures when we don't know how to use such basic words from our own language? Does it not matter that we internalize the words we hear and use, such that many people literally don't know what the dividing line is between thoughts and feelings any more? Think I'm exaggerating? Next time someone says something like, "I feel that blue is the best color for a suit," try telling them that their statement did NOT in fact describe a feeling-there's a 95% chance that they'll ARGUE the point.
No matter how strongly you feel about a thought, that does NOT make it a feeling; the word "feel" refers to emotions only, and emotions are things like anger and sadness, so it's correct to say "I feel angry" or "I feel sad," but it's NOT correct to say "I feel that 'Angel' is a good TV show" or "I feel like it's time to look for a new job"... you COULD correctly say "I feel unhappy at my job, so I think it's time to look for a new one," but that does NOT mean that you can correctly use the former sentence as "shorthand" for the latter, no matter how many times you hear other people do just that.
If you want to describe your emotional state, use "feel." If you want to refer to the ideas in your head, use "think." Strike a blow against the dumbing down of the English language; use these words correctly, and prod other people to do so... especially those smug self-righteous types who you KNOW do it to try to give their stupid thoughts greater weight.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Un-frigging-believable
As I've mentioned a time or 2, I was virtually obsessed with heavy metal in the 80's, so when my husband put on "100 Most Metal Moments" (a 5-part program currently in rotation on VH1), I was pretty interested... even though some of those guys have aged REALLY badly.
It turns out that NORWAY, of all places, has some really scary "black" or "death" metal bands, and the antics of at least 2 of them made the list (I missed some bits of the shows, sadly); Gorgoroth apparently celebrated playing a show in the pope's hometown by slaughtering a sheep on stage and having a mock crucifixion, and Mayhem had a member commit suicide by blowing his brains out, a 2nd member made a necklace out of his skull fragments, a 3rd member ate the dead guy's brains, and then a 4th member murdered HIM because he was jealous that that guy had a more evil reputation... and, supposedly, to "compete" with a guy from yet another Norwegian metal band, Emperor, who had stabbed someone to death. The murderer from Mayhem is apparently still making records from behind bars.
I'm NEVER going to Norway.
It turns out that NORWAY, of all places, has some really scary "black" or "death" metal bands, and the antics of at least 2 of them made the list (I missed some bits of the shows, sadly); Gorgoroth apparently celebrated playing a show in the pope's hometown by slaughtering a sheep on stage and having a mock crucifixion, and Mayhem had a member commit suicide by blowing his brains out, a 2nd member made a necklace out of his skull fragments, a 3rd member ate the dead guy's brains, and then a 4th member murdered HIM because he was jealous that that guy had a more evil reputation... and, supposedly, to "compete" with a guy from yet another Norwegian metal band, Emperor, who had stabbed someone to death. The murderer from Mayhem is apparently still making records from behind bars.
I'm NEVER going to Norway.
Friday, June 04, 2004
Dogs vs Cats
Which makes a better pet, a dog or a cat? Well, let's see...
A dog comes running to greet you when you come home; a cat comes running when it hears the can opener, and goes right by you to the food dish.
A dog will beg by the table/counter for food scraps; a cat will jump up ONTO the table/counter and help itself.
A dog can be taught a variety of commands, and be counted on to obey them; a cat feigns deafness whenever you try to get it to do anything.
A dog will get up on the bed with you; a cat will climb onto the bed and lay on your FACE.
A dog's day is made if he gets to go in the car with you; getting a cat into a car requires time, patience, and a willingness to bleed.
A dog might chew the occasional slipper; a cat will see your furniture, drapes, carpet and body as scratching posts, get onto the shelves where your breakables are kept, and menace smaller pets no matter where you put them.
A dog will bring you the newspaper; a cat will bring you a poor dead critter, or worse, just a PIECE of one.
A dog will eat any food you give him; a cat wants duck a l'orange, and then turns its nose up at it.
A dog is always eager to be petted; a cat only wants to be petted when you're really busy, and then wants to lay right on your work.
A dog is happy to play games with you; a cat's only game is "what can I destroy before I get caught?"
A dog will get hair on your clothes if you hold or hug him; a cat will seek out any clothes within reach and roll around on them to cover them with hair, showing preference for your more expensive things.
A dog will bark to keep intruders away; a cat hopes the intruder will open the door so it can run outside and kill something.
A dog will risk its life to save you; a cat will trip you up trying to get to safety before you do.
A dog looks at you as a god; a cat looks at you as a slave.
Hmmmmmmm, tough choice... ;-)
A dog comes running to greet you when you come home; a cat comes running when it hears the can opener, and goes right by you to the food dish.
A dog will beg by the table/counter for food scraps; a cat will jump up ONTO the table/counter and help itself.
A dog can be taught a variety of commands, and be counted on to obey them; a cat feigns deafness whenever you try to get it to do anything.
A dog will get up on the bed with you; a cat will climb onto the bed and lay on your FACE.
A dog's day is made if he gets to go in the car with you; getting a cat into a car requires time, patience, and a willingness to bleed.
A dog might chew the occasional slipper; a cat will see your furniture, drapes, carpet and body as scratching posts, get onto the shelves where your breakables are kept, and menace smaller pets no matter where you put them.
A dog will bring you the newspaper; a cat will bring you a poor dead critter, or worse, just a PIECE of one.
A dog will eat any food you give him; a cat wants duck a l'orange, and then turns its nose up at it.
A dog is always eager to be petted; a cat only wants to be petted when you're really busy, and then wants to lay right on your work.
A dog is happy to play games with you; a cat's only game is "what can I destroy before I get caught?"
A dog will get hair on your clothes if you hold or hug him; a cat will seek out any clothes within reach and roll around on them to cover them with hair, showing preference for your more expensive things.
A dog will bark to keep intruders away; a cat hopes the intruder will open the door so it can run outside and kill something.
A dog will risk its life to save you; a cat will trip you up trying to get to safety before you do.
A dog looks at you as a god; a cat looks at you as a slave.
Hmmmmmmm, tough choice... ;-)
Thursday, June 03, 2004
An epiphany about genital mutilation
It's no secret that the way we feel about nearly everything is influenced to varying degrees by our culture; a serious example of this is how we view female circumcision, which is considered an atrocity in American culture, but seen as essential to making a female virtuous and marriageable in the cultures that practice it. A fascinating point was made about this issue here:
http://www.janegalt.net/blog/archives/004739.html.
the eye-opening part of which, for me, was this:
"intersexuals, people with abnormal quantities of X or Y chromosomes (XO, XXY, XYY) or hormonal conditions that alter fetal development, are often born with genitalia that are ambiguous, or abnormal. We commonly perform surgery on these people in order to define them as one gender or another. We do it for the same reason that African mothers have their daughters circumcised: so that they will fit into the tribe, meet our aesthetic standards for genital appearance, and have an easier time finding a mate. Yet most of the people who are repulsed by the actions of those African mothers, would, if they had a baby with one of these abnormalities, eagerly schedule it for surgery to normalise its gentalia. So are we really opposed to mutilating the pristine work of nature, or are we, like those African mothers, simply enforcing our own cultural norms?"
I'd never made the connection in my mind about the mutilation of the genitals of some children in OUR country with female circumcision, even though I've studied intersexuality, and even written about it:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_02_22_omniverse_archive.html#107795515896014960
and have touched on female circumcision also:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_04_11_omniverse_archive.html#108184952071712084
I tried to post a reply on Jane's blog, but she has apparently blocked further replies on this topic; here's the reply I tried to post:
"You've made some very interesting points here, but I'd like to take partial issue with one of them, if I might: I AGREE that the reasons for the alteration of a child's "natural" genitals, whether because of intersexuality or the cultural mandate to make them look a certain way (circumcision of either gender), without the child having a say or a choice, DO reflect the urge for conformity to social norms. I also agree that both sorts of reasons for doing it look similar from the "it boils down to cutting up children's genitals" perspective, and I believe it's VERY important for us to be aware of these things when we pass judgment. However, there's a pretty significant difference, I think, between the alteration of genitals to make them "prettier," or to restrict "culturally undesirable" sexual feelings, and the alteration of them to give a child without a clear gender the ability to fit in, not just in one culture, but into the human race, which is set up biologically to deal with only 2 genders, and which (with few exceptions) has no place in ANY culture for a person without a gender. If you think how thoroughly gender, and gender roles, saturate every aspect of every society, it's clear how important it seems to parents to take action to prevent their kids from being permanent and guaranteed outsiders; because there's no pronoun to describe an intersexual, we're left referring to them as "it," as if they were less than human, and they're widely perceived as freaks and deprived of basic rights. In addition, intersexuality is a genetic defect, and the resultant genitals are seen, not just as "ugly," but as DEFORMED, and deformity is something that people in all cultures are automatically repulsed by; that's biological programming to prevent deformed people from being able to reproduce, and is the reasoning behind the surgical "correction" of all sorts of things that aren't causing health problems. An uncircumcised woman might be seen as less, or UN-, marriageable, but she would still be seen as human, and as having a gender and a place in society, not as a deformed freak of nature.
For the record, I'm VEHEMENTLY opposed to forcing surgical gender assignment on intersexual children, as such assignments are virtually always contrary to what gender, if any, the child will eventually identify with, and subject the child to endless pain and stress, and the risks associated with surgery, when their health is not at risk and they require NO medical treatment.
Female circumcision provides NO health benefits, and creates numerous health problems throughout life, so I'm naturally opposed to THAT, too, although I concede that, given the beliefs of the cultures that practice it, we can't see it as "evil," but rather as misguided. Male circumcision, on the other hand, significantly reduces the likelihood of penile cancer, AIDS, and all sorts of infections, so there's a gray area there; I think that it should be made available to any men who want it for those reasons, as well as those who have to have it because of problems with their foreskins, but I think it should NOT be done to male infants across the board-there must be CONSENT to the removal of a healthy body part for it to be ok."
Jane, if you happen to make it over here, thanks for showing me an important point, and making me think through this topic more thoroughly.
http://www.janegalt.net/blog/archives/004739.html.
the eye-opening part of which, for me, was this:
"intersexuals, people with abnormal quantities of X or Y chromosomes (XO, XXY, XYY) or hormonal conditions that alter fetal development, are often born with genitalia that are ambiguous, or abnormal. We commonly perform surgery on these people in order to define them as one gender or another. We do it for the same reason that African mothers have their daughters circumcised: so that they will fit into the tribe, meet our aesthetic standards for genital appearance, and have an easier time finding a mate. Yet most of the people who are repulsed by the actions of those African mothers, would, if they had a baby with one of these abnormalities, eagerly schedule it for surgery to normalise its gentalia. So are we really opposed to mutilating the pristine work of nature, or are we, like those African mothers, simply enforcing our own cultural norms?"
I'd never made the connection in my mind about the mutilation of the genitals of some children in OUR country with female circumcision, even though I've studied intersexuality, and even written about it:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_02_22_omniverse_archive.html#107795515896014960
and have touched on female circumcision also:
http://omniverse.blogspot.com/2004_04_11_omniverse_archive.html#108184952071712084
I tried to post a reply on Jane's blog, but she has apparently blocked further replies on this topic; here's the reply I tried to post:
"You've made some very interesting points here, but I'd like to take partial issue with one of them, if I might: I AGREE that the reasons for the alteration of a child's "natural" genitals, whether because of intersexuality or the cultural mandate to make them look a certain way (circumcision of either gender), without the child having a say or a choice, DO reflect the urge for conformity to social norms. I also agree that both sorts of reasons for doing it look similar from the "it boils down to cutting up children's genitals" perspective, and I believe it's VERY important for us to be aware of these things when we pass judgment. However, there's a pretty significant difference, I think, between the alteration of genitals to make them "prettier," or to restrict "culturally undesirable" sexual feelings, and the alteration of them to give a child without a clear gender the ability to fit in, not just in one culture, but into the human race, which is set up biologically to deal with only 2 genders, and which (with few exceptions) has no place in ANY culture for a person without a gender. If you think how thoroughly gender, and gender roles, saturate every aspect of every society, it's clear how important it seems to parents to take action to prevent their kids from being permanent and guaranteed outsiders; because there's no pronoun to describe an intersexual, we're left referring to them as "it," as if they were less than human, and they're widely perceived as freaks and deprived of basic rights. In addition, intersexuality is a genetic defect, and the resultant genitals are seen, not just as "ugly," but as DEFORMED, and deformity is something that people in all cultures are automatically repulsed by; that's biological programming to prevent deformed people from being able to reproduce, and is the reasoning behind the surgical "correction" of all sorts of things that aren't causing health problems. An uncircumcised woman might be seen as less, or UN-, marriageable, but she would still be seen as human, and as having a gender and a place in society, not as a deformed freak of nature.
For the record, I'm VEHEMENTLY opposed to forcing surgical gender assignment on intersexual children, as such assignments are virtually always contrary to what gender, if any, the child will eventually identify with, and subject the child to endless pain and stress, and the risks associated with surgery, when their health is not at risk and they require NO medical treatment.
Female circumcision provides NO health benefits, and creates numerous health problems throughout life, so I'm naturally opposed to THAT, too, although I concede that, given the beliefs of the cultures that practice it, we can't see it as "evil," but rather as misguided. Male circumcision, on the other hand, significantly reduces the likelihood of penile cancer, AIDS, and all sorts of infections, so there's a gray area there; I think that it should be made available to any men who want it for those reasons, as well as those who have to have it because of problems with their foreskins, but I think it should NOT be done to male infants across the board-there must be CONSENT to the removal of a healthy body part for it to be ok."
Jane, if you happen to make it over here, thanks for showing me an important point, and making me think through this topic more thoroughly.
Karma kills 2 birds with one stone
Imagine a psycho bitch who attacks people online for funsies. Imagine someone who had tried to be a caring friend to the psycho bitch (not realizing at the time what she was, of course), and had been repaid by vicious, unprovoked public attacks. Imagine a clueless kid who was supposedly a friend to both, who REFUSED to listen to the victim's valid complaints about the psycho, harangued the VICTIM, stuck by the psycho and remained HER friend rather than maintaining friendship with the innocent party. Imagine time passing... and the psycho bitch, with her standard lack of loyalty and gratitude, launches the mother of all ugly attacks on the kid, including the passing around of her private emails and posting scathing public vulgarities, for which atrocity she is finally, FINALLY, booted off of the forum which has been the center of her life for YEARS.
Both of these 2 were involved in doing evil to me, and in response karma made them take each other out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! :-)
Both of these 2 were involved in doing evil to me, and in response karma made them take each other out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! :-)
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Back home, and cautiously optimistic
When it got to the final goodbye with my dear one, it didn't FEEL like a final goodbye; is it numbness, denial, or.... intuition, maybe? I KNOW that her heart won't last for long, but people frequently outlive medical predictions, so maybe she WILL last a few more months, long enough for us to get back there and see her one more time. Cross your fingers for me.
On that note, I'll be returning to my normal rants and ravings and silliness again. Here's something that gave me my first big laugh in DAYS; while waiting for my husband to get through the security screening at the airport, I was telling a couple of the security ladies about how I joke with him that I'm going to get him "body searched" at the airport some day... and one of them actually went up to him and told him that she had to pull him aside for a search!! You should have seen his FACE, LOL!!
On that note, I'll be returning to my normal rants and ravings and silliness again. Here's something that gave me my first big laugh in DAYS; while waiting for my husband to get through the security screening at the airport, I was telling a couple of the security ladies about how I joke with him that I'm going to get him "body searched" at the airport some day... and one of them actually went up to him and told him that she had to pull him aside for a search!! You should have seen his FACE, LOL!!
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
The final full day
Because our loved one wanted to hang onto us and not have us go at the usual time, with this being our last night with her, we stayed at her house until midnight and managed to get through ALL of the family photos and other odds and ends (postcards, newspaper clippings, etc) with her and get the people identified and a good chunk of information about them passed on to us; although we're thrilled to have learned all of this, we could also feel much of the past slipping away, as this is the last surviving member of that generation-when she dies, any questions we might have will be forever unanswered.
She managed to go alot of the day withOUT the oxygen, and was getting around better, but her breathing has a bubbly, wheezy sound to it that freezes my heart; it's clear that, while they alleviated her symptoms quite a bit, the underlying disintegration of her insides is progressing. She mentioned wanting to live to be 100 a couple of times, but talked about how unhappy she is to always be sick and not really wanting to live any more MANY times, which is dreadful to hear anyone say but is particularly shocking from someone who previously wouldn't have complained if a truck ran over her foot. All we could do was be supportive and play along with the idea that she'll be getting better.
Despite my immense sadness, I'm still glad that we planned this trip and were able to be here when she needed us the most; I'm dreading having to say goodbye to her Tuesday evening, though... I've never had to say this sort of final goodbye before, and I can only hope that I don't break down until we're out of sight.
She managed to go alot of the day withOUT the oxygen, and was getting around better, but her breathing has a bubbly, wheezy sound to it that freezes my heart; it's clear that, while they alleviated her symptoms quite a bit, the underlying disintegration of her insides is progressing. She mentioned wanting to live to be 100 a couple of times, but talked about how unhappy she is to always be sick and not really wanting to live any more MANY times, which is dreadful to hear anyone say but is particularly shocking from someone who previously wouldn't have complained if a truck ran over her foot. All we could do was be supportive and play along with the idea that she'll be getting better.
Despite my immense sadness, I'm still glad that we planned this trip and were able to be here when she needed us the most; I'm dreading having to say goodbye to her Tuesday evening, though... I've never had to say this sort of final goodbye before, and I can only hope that I don't break down until we're out of sight.
