Saturday, January 29, 2005
The war on women's bodies
I don't think that's too strong of a word: WAR. Think about it:
When did we decide that a woman's body shouldn't have HIPS? Hips are NOT indicative of a failure of willpower, they're indicative of being a member of the gender that gives BIRTH; a woman has a naturally wide pelvis so that she has room for a baby to develop, and pass from her body, without killing her or the child. The hips of a woman are a wonderful thing, closely tied in with the miracle of childbirth; why then are they vilified?
When a woman gives birth, she gets a belly; even from years of swelling and stretching every month during her menstrual cycle, she'll get a bit of a bulge... and this used to be seen as proof of her fertility, and made her MORE desirable, not less. Why then is a woman these days expected to have, not just no tummy, but the sort of washboard abs that aren't even natural on a MAN?
Visible muscles of ANY sort are simply not natural for the female body; women in so-called "primitive" tribes, who do hard physical labor every day and don't have much fat, do NOT get the kind of muscles we see on too many much-looked-at female bodies... so why are women supposed to knock themselves out trying to GET those sorts of muscles? Why is even the most basic element of the female body, smaller muscles covered by a layer of fat, making her body SOFT, no longer acceptable?
A woman has to have a certain minimum amount of body fat in order to get pregnant, or to keep menstruating and thus prevent her from experiencing menopause symptoms; it is NOT healthy for a woman's body to be super-lean, even if she has muscles... but you wouldn't know that from the size and omnipresence of the diet industry. We idolize genetic freaks with size 0 bodies, and deprive OUR bodies of nutrients, including whole categories of calories, in order to force bodies for which this size is NOT natural to shrink... and shrink... and balloon back up... and shrink... and balloon back up... all in pursuit of a ridiculously unrealistic shape.
How about body HAIR? The current trend is for a woman to have NONE, which can mean having to remove the hair from most of the surfaces of her body, including the most sensitive areas; let's see some of the men who complain about just shaving their faces do THAT for a few weeks, so they can understand what they're asking for, and maybe this one can be changed.
A woman's SKIN isn't even acceptable anymore; unless she's a woman of color, or otherwise naturally "tan," she's expected to darken her skin one way or the other, to cover "flaws," look thinner, and feed into the falsehood that being tan is "healthy." The creation of self-tanners will save us from many cases of skin cancer, but they also, sadly, mean that a woman is now supposed to have that golden glow year-round.
Is there a woman in America who doesn't bemoan the size of her butt? Along with the hips, a woman is SUPPOSED to have a pronounced butt, and I think that most men actually prefer a butt that does NOT look like a man's... but, a protuberant rear end makes clothes harder to cut, harder to make hang right, so we have designers to thank for creating this insane ideal of a woman with no more butt than a boy.
A woman's legs are under fire, too, not just to be thin, but to NOT have the curvature that is, again, totally natural for them to have; when designer jeans became a big thing, they got models with straight stick legs like a little boy's to wear them, and we've been stuck with that ideal ever since.
The worst problem of all is of course with breasts:
1) Breasts are made of FAT, so the idea of a fat-free body with big boobs is sheer lunacy
2) Breasts do NOT come in the hemispherical shape of implants
3) Breasts beyond a certain size SAG, they do NOT jut out from the woman's upper chest
4) Breasts of any size have a natural "hang" and slope to them, they do NOT bulge out in the shape a pushup bra creates
5) Breasts are supposed to exist, and be seen as lovely, in ALL sizes
6) Breasts that could fit in classic champagne glasses used to be the ideal in France, and small breasts have been preferred in Brazil for decades (breast REDUCTIONS are the big thing there), just off the top of my head, so it is NOT natural to only see huge breasts as sexy
7) The very idea that women are supposed to have bags of silicone or saline surgically implanted in their bodies to look "hot," and that men are supposed to fondle these flesh-covered fake bags and get a thrill, is one of the things that future generations will look back on this era with the most horror about
If a woman doesn't starve herself, exercise like a fiend, rip out her body hair, self-tan, and get implants, then, unless she's one of the VERY few who are blessed with naturally "perfect" bodies, she'll be considered totally unattractive... and, worse, FEEL unattractive.
Have you ever seen porn photos from long ago? To today's eyes, the women look chunky, flabby, pasty, pot-bellied, lumpy, hippy, and not too impressive in the bust; to men of that time, they were hot stuff. If you get to thinking that women have made alot of progress in the past century or so, look at some of those pics, and compare them to pics of today's porn queens, and try to figure out how women went from being sexy just by virtue of being female to being sexy only if they spend half their lives working on it... and how women's bodies went from being effortless objects of desire to men to instruments of torture to the women themselves.
When did we decide that a woman's body shouldn't have HIPS? Hips are NOT indicative of a failure of willpower, they're indicative of being a member of the gender that gives BIRTH; a woman has a naturally wide pelvis so that she has room for a baby to develop, and pass from her body, without killing her or the child. The hips of a woman are a wonderful thing, closely tied in with the miracle of childbirth; why then are they vilified?
When a woman gives birth, she gets a belly; even from years of swelling and stretching every month during her menstrual cycle, she'll get a bit of a bulge... and this used to be seen as proof of her fertility, and made her MORE desirable, not less. Why then is a woman these days expected to have, not just no tummy, but the sort of washboard abs that aren't even natural on a MAN?
Visible muscles of ANY sort are simply not natural for the female body; women in so-called "primitive" tribes, who do hard physical labor every day and don't have much fat, do NOT get the kind of muscles we see on too many much-looked-at female bodies... so why are women supposed to knock themselves out trying to GET those sorts of muscles? Why is even the most basic element of the female body, smaller muscles covered by a layer of fat, making her body SOFT, no longer acceptable?
A woman has to have a certain minimum amount of body fat in order to get pregnant, or to keep menstruating and thus prevent her from experiencing menopause symptoms; it is NOT healthy for a woman's body to be super-lean, even if she has muscles... but you wouldn't know that from the size and omnipresence of the diet industry. We idolize genetic freaks with size 0 bodies, and deprive OUR bodies of nutrients, including whole categories of calories, in order to force bodies for which this size is NOT natural to shrink... and shrink... and balloon back up... and shrink... and balloon back up... all in pursuit of a ridiculously unrealistic shape.
How about body HAIR? The current trend is for a woman to have NONE, which can mean having to remove the hair from most of the surfaces of her body, including the most sensitive areas; let's see some of the men who complain about just shaving their faces do THAT for a few weeks, so they can understand what they're asking for, and maybe this one can be changed.
A woman's SKIN isn't even acceptable anymore; unless she's a woman of color, or otherwise naturally "tan," she's expected to darken her skin one way or the other, to cover "flaws," look thinner, and feed into the falsehood that being tan is "healthy." The creation of self-tanners will save us from many cases of skin cancer, but they also, sadly, mean that a woman is now supposed to have that golden glow year-round.
Is there a woman in America who doesn't bemoan the size of her butt? Along with the hips, a woman is SUPPOSED to have a pronounced butt, and I think that most men actually prefer a butt that does NOT look like a man's... but, a protuberant rear end makes clothes harder to cut, harder to make hang right, so we have designers to thank for creating this insane ideal of a woman with no more butt than a boy.
A woman's legs are under fire, too, not just to be thin, but to NOT have the curvature that is, again, totally natural for them to have; when designer jeans became a big thing, they got models with straight stick legs like a little boy's to wear them, and we've been stuck with that ideal ever since.
The worst problem of all is of course with breasts:
1) Breasts are made of FAT, so the idea of a fat-free body with big boobs is sheer lunacy
2) Breasts do NOT come in the hemispherical shape of implants
3) Breasts beyond a certain size SAG, they do NOT jut out from the woman's upper chest
4) Breasts of any size have a natural "hang" and slope to them, they do NOT bulge out in the shape a pushup bra creates
5) Breasts are supposed to exist, and be seen as lovely, in ALL sizes
6) Breasts that could fit in classic champagne glasses used to be the ideal in France, and small breasts have been preferred in Brazil for decades (breast REDUCTIONS are the big thing there), just off the top of my head, so it is NOT natural to only see huge breasts as sexy
7) The very idea that women are supposed to have bags of silicone or saline surgically implanted in their bodies to look "hot," and that men are supposed to fondle these flesh-covered fake bags and get a thrill, is one of the things that future generations will look back on this era with the most horror about
If a woman doesn't starve herself, exercise like a fiend, rip out her body hair, self-tan, and get implants, then, unless she's one of the VERY few who are blessed with naturally "perfect" bodies, she'll be considered totally unattractive... and, worse, FEEL unattractive.
Have you ever seen porn photos from long ago? To today's eyes, the women look chunky, flabby, pasty, pot-bellied, lumpy, hippy, and not too impressive in the bust; to men of that time, they were hot stuff. If you get to thinking that women have made alot of progress in the past century or so, look at some of those pics, and compare them to pics of today's porn queens, and try to figure out how women went from being sexy just by virtue of being female to being sexy only if they spend half their lives working on it... and how women's bodies went from being effortless objects of desire to men to instruments of torture to the women themselves.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Positive paternal memories
There aren't many memories of my father that are anything but grim, but today something very different has been floating around in my mind; for all his constant proclamations as to my utter worthlessness, once I reached age 12 he never again used any of his dictionaries, encyclopedias, or his thesaurus... when he had a question about something covered by these reference books, he'd call out to ME to tell him whatever it was he needed to know. He never praised me for the ability to give him information that was in fact always accurate (even though I was only a kid), never credited me with knowing more than he did about these things, never acknowledged this bit of value I possessed at any time... he never even said "thank you." Still, looking back at it, the countless times he asked, "How do you spell...", "What's the meaning of...", and "What's another word for..." constitute clear proof that, despite all his advanced degrees, not to mention his hatefulness towards me, he understood that my grasp of the English language was not only superior to his, but so accurate that he trusted my answers to be the final word in his business writings... which, looking back at it, is flat-out astonishing.
There were also a couple of more involved interactions between us in this area, both when I was pre-college age. In one of them, he and my mother were downstairs and I was upstairs in my room, when he called up to me:
Him: Do you know the word "hirsute"?
Me: Yes.
Him: How do you spell it?
Me: H-i-r-s-u-t-e.
Him: What does it mean?
Me: Hairy.
Him: Where did you learn that word?
Me: From a Star Trek novel.
I could hear him declaring triumphantly to my mother, "I told you so!! I told you so!!", and I picked the phrase "Star Trek" out of what he said after that, but I never found out what exactly he'd told her, or what the topic had been... neither of them had any interest in scifi, so "the great vocabulary in Star Trek novels" as a line of conversation, especially between people who never discussed anything more profound than baseball scores, just doesn't make SENSE, although it does SOUND like that was it.
The other interaction came when the 3 of us had seen something on TV that showed someone having endured some sort of social disaster (I can't remember what):
Him: He was really embarrassed.
Me: He was worse than embarrassed.
Him: He was humiliated.
Me: He was worse than humiliated.
Him: What's worse than humiliated?
Me: Mortified.
Him: ... Mortified!!
At which point he gave me a look that, were he anyone else, I wouldn't hesitate to call "impressed."
The funny part about this, and you knew there had to be one, is that my vocabulary has caused me TROUBLE with nearly every man I was ever involved with; if I had a dollar for every time I had to drag out the dictionary to settle a disagreement as to spelling, pronunciation or meaning, I could retire... and nothing makes a man pissier than being conclusively proven wrong in this way. Why is it that the man who despised me would always accept my assertions about words, but men who were trying to get into my pants have been relentless in DENYING those same assertions? I think that book is right, and men really ARE from Mars, lol.
There were also a couple of more involved interactions between us in this area, both when I was pre-college age. In one of them, he and my mother were downstairs and I was upstairs in my room, when he called up to me:
Him: Do you know the word "hirsute"?
Me: Yes.
Him: How do you spell it?
Me: H-i-r-s-u-t-e.
Him: What does it mean?
Me: Hairy.
Him: Where did you learn that word?
Me: From a Star Trek novel.
I could hear him declaring triumphantly to my mother, "I told you so!! I told you so!!", and I picked the phrase "Star Trek" out of what he said after that, but I never found out what exactly he'd told her, or what the topic had been... neither of them had any interest in scifi, so "the great vocabulary in Star Trek novels" as a line of conversation, especially between people who never discussed anything more profound than baseball scores, just doesn't make SENSE, although it does SOUND like that was it.
The other interaction came when the 3 of us had seen something on TV that showed someone having endured some sort of social disaster (I can't remember what):
Him: He was really embarrassed.
Me: He was worse than embarrassed.
Him: He was humiliated.
Me: He was worse than humiliated.
Him: What's worse than humiliated?
Me: Mortified.
Him: ... Mortified!!
At which point he gave me a look that, were he anyone else, I wouldn't hesitate to call "impressed."
The funny part about this, and you knew there had to be one, is that my vocabulary has caused me TROUBLE with nearly every man I was ever involved with; if I had a dollar for every time I had to drag out the dictionary to settle a disagreement as to spelling, pronunciation or meaning, I could retire... and nothing makes a man pissier than being conclusively proven wrong in this way. Why is it that the man who despised me would always accept my assertions about words, but men who were trying to get into my pants have been relentless in DENYING those same assertions? I think that book is right, and men really ARE from Mars, lol.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Sexual confusion
I read and hear alot about people's sexual values and desires... and I'm confused.
It seems like every study of people in relationships, whether of men or women, shows that a solid majority of them want to have sex more often... but, if more than half of each gender feels that way, aren't some of them in relationships with EACH OTHER? How can BOTH people in a relationship want more sex? Don't they ever TALK?
When they do studies about who's cheating on their partners, despite the fact that some people deny that they're cheating when they clearly are, it's always 65%-75% of people who admit to currently being cheaters; how is this POSSIBLE?!! How can as many as 3/4 of the people I encounter all be cheating?!!
A Cosmo web poll showed that 44% of single men expect women to have sex with them by date 3; who are these men who answered the poll, that nearly HALF of them want sex with women who are almost total strangers, and expect the women to have sex with THEM? What do they base this expectation on? Do they think that buying 3 dinners, assuming that they paid for all 3 dates, means that they've BOUGHT the women's sexual favors? And who are the women that these men have been going out with, who've been going along with this plan? If you just want sex, go for it, but if you're dating that's supposed to be leading to pursuing a relationship... and sex too soon complicates things, creates strong emotions before it's appropriate, and blinds the partners to what they're actually like, preventing accurate judgments about compatibility from being made.
There are alot of men complaining about not getting oral sex... and alot of men who admit to not giving it. No commentary necessary.
Condom use has been dropping, with women less likely to demand their usage, and men more likely to push to not have to use them... all while STD's including AIDS continue to be VERY real dangers. Unless you're in a long-term committed relationship and have both been tested, what POSSIBLE excuse is there to not use condoms? If the woman doesn't insist, why would the man risk sex with her? If the man tries to refuse, why would the woman risk sex with HIM?!! Even if you ARE in a relationship, what if you're being cheated on? How many stories do we have to read about people who got infected by cheating partners before we wise up?
Women have been pushed from every quarter over the past 30 years or so to be more sexual, but we're STILL being called sluts, or worse, if we ARE openly sexual... and the sexual aggressiveness of younger women has been causing impotence in young men in ever-increasing #'s. So, what's a women supposed to do, just never say no, and cheerlead the guy about how hot he is and how much she wants him, so that he feels like he can always ask and get some? Gee, for some reason that does NOT feel like progress.
If, on the other hand, a MAN has lots of sex, and/or is openly sexual, does he ever get a word of criticism? Equality, yeah, right.
If aliens were to land and ask us why we're so weird about sex, what could we tell them? Why is it so HARD for us to find someone to have it with who wants it with US, have a kind and frequency of sex with them that we'll both like, take all appropriate measures to combat pregnancy and disease without any drama, and then not cheat? Sex used to be something the woman endured from the man as payment for him providing for her, and to get children, and THAT was terrible, but the more sexually free women get, the more NEW problems pop up; are we, as a species, simply incapable of creating a culture in which more than a tiny % of people are having the sort of sex life they want?
It seems like every study of people in relationships, whether of men or women, shows that a solid majority of them want to have sex more often... but, if more than half of each gender feels that way, aren't some of them in relationships with EACH OTHER? How can BOTH people in a relationship want more sex? Don't they ever TALK?
When they do studies about who's cheating on their partners, despite the fact that some people deny that they're cheating when they clearly are, it's always 65%-75% of people who admit to currently being cheaters; how is this POSSIBLE?!! How can as many as 3/4 of the people I encounter all be cheating?!!
A Cosmo web poll showed that 44% of single men expect women to have sex with them by date 3; who are these men who answered the poll, that nearly HALF of them want sex with women who are almost total strangers, and expect the women to have sex with THEM? What do they base this expectation on? Do they think that buying 3 dinners, assuming that they paid for all 3 dates, means that they've BOUGHT the women's sexual favors? And who are the women that these men have been going out with, who've been going along with this plan? If you just want sex, go for it, but if you're dating that's supposed to be leading to pursuing a relationship... and sex too soon complicates things, creates strong emotions before it's appropriate, and blinds the partners to what they're actually like, preventing accurate judgments about compatibility from being made.
There are alot of men complaining about not getting oral sex... and alot of men who admit to not giving it. No commentary necessary.
Condom use has been dropping, with women less likely to demand their usage, and men more likely to push to not have to use them... all while STD's including AIDS continue to be VERY real dangers. Unless you're in a long-term committed relationship and have both been tested, what POSSIBLE excuse is there to not use condoms? If the woman doesn't insist, why would the man risk sex with her? If the man tries to refuse, why would the woman risk sex with HIM?!! Even if you ARE in a relationship, what if you're being cheated on? How many stories do we have to read about people who got infected by cheating partners before we wise up?
Women have been pushed from every quarter over the past 30 years or so to be more sexual, but we're STILL being called sluts, or worse, if we ARE openly sexual... and the sexual aggressiveness of younger women has been causing impotence in young men in ever-increasing #'s. So, what's a women supposed to do, just never say no, and cheerlead the guy about how hot he is and how much she wants him, so that he feels like he can always ask and get some? Gee, for some reason that does NOT feel like progress.
If, on the other hand, a MAN has lots of sex, and/or is openly sexual, does he ever get a word of criticism? Equality, yeah, right.
If aliens were to land and ask us why we're so weird about sex, what could we tell them? Why is it so HARD for us to find someone to have it with who wants it with US, have a kind and frequency of sex with them that we'll both like, take all appropriate measures to combat pregnancy and disease without any drama, and then not cheat? Sex used to be something the woman endured from the man as payment for him providing for her, and to get children, and THAT was terrible, but the more sexually free women get, the more NEW problems pop up; are we, as a species, simply incapable of creating a culture in which more than a tiny % of people are having the sort of sex life they want?
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Dealing with the all-too-common cold (and flu)
Winter's in full swing, and it seems like everyone is sniffling and spewing germs, so here are the things I've found that help me keep the misery down to a minimum:
1) Echinacea: this is an herb that I read about a few years ago, that has actually been proven to boost your immune system. I was skeptical even after reading about several different studies on it, but I used to get sick all the time, so I tried it... and it WORKS. If I begin taking it when I first start feeling "off," I can prevent the virus from taking hold nearly 100% of the time; my family and friends take it now too, with the same sort of results. If you don't get it early enough to beat the virus, take it anyway, as it'll reduce the severity and shorten the duration; do NOT take it prophylactically, though, as it only boosts your immune system for a week before your body acclimates to it. You can find echinacea in most drug and general stores; check the label, and get the kind where the dose is ONE tablet, as that's the kind with the active ingredient more concentrated, and avoid the kind with goldenseal added-it can cause intestinal distress, and doesn't give any added benefit.
2) Ibuprofen: most of the symptoms of colds and flus (even congestion, amazingly enough), can be improved by taking Advil or something similar... take the generic if you can find it, as it's just as good and much cheaper.
3) Zinc: like so many other medical discoveries, this one was stumbled across by accident-a little girl being given zinc for something (I forgot what) refused to swallow the pill, and it dissolved in her mouth... and her cold vanished. The most potent way to take zinc is in lozenge form, but they taste so filthy that I can't stand it, so I take it in tablet form (get the chelated kind), and it still works.
4) Vitamin E: this has been shown to help with all respiratory ailments.
5) Vitamin C: this one you've probably been hearing about for years, and it's still a good one (get the time-released kind)
6) B-complex: illness stresses your body, and that destroys your water-soluble vitamins, so it's a good idea to replace all of them (C and E are the others).
7) Garlic: used as a medicine in nearly every culture other than ours, it's been shown to contain powerful anti-viral properties.
8) Spicy food: the chemicals that cause heat stimulate your immune system and clear your sinuses.
9) Chloraseptic: not only will this numbing spray cool your sore throat pain, it'll greatly reduce the urge to cough... I figured this one out long ago, and now it's being officially recommended.
10) Petroleum jelly: if you're blowing or wiping your nose, dab some on after each time, and your nose will never get red or sore.
Other than that, the standard advice to get plenty of rest and fluids still holds true; hot liquids will help with congestion, and if you choose soup you can fill it full of garlic... yes, your grandmother's advice about having chicken soup when you're sick is still good. :-)
1) Echinacea: this is an herb that I read about a few years ago, that has actually been proven to boost your immune system. I was skeptical even after reading about several different studies on it, but I used to get sick all the time, so I tried it... and it WORKS. If I begin taking it when I first start feeling "off," I can prevent the virus from taking hold nearly 100% of the time; my family and friends take it now too, with the same sort of results. If you don't get it early enough to beat the virus, take it anyway, as it'll reduce the severity and shorten the duration; do NOT take it prophylactically, though, as it only boosts your immune system for a week before your body acclimates to it. You can find echinacea in most drug and general stores; check the label, and get the kind where the dose is ONE tablet, as that's the kind with the active ingredient more concentrated, and avoid the kind with goldenseal added-it can cause intestinal distress, and doesn't give any added benefit.
2) Ibuprofen: most of the symptoms of colds and flus (even congestion, amazingly enough), can be improved by taking Advil or something similar... take the generic if you can find it, as it's just as good and much cheaper.
3) Zinc: like so many other medical discoveries, this one was stumbled across by accident-a little girl being given zinc for something (I forgot what) refused to swallow the pill, and it dissolved in her mouth... and her cold vanished. The most potent way to take zinc is in lozenge form, but they taste so filthy that I can't stand it, so I take it in tablet form (get the chelated kind), and it still works.
4) Vitamin E: this has been shown to help with all respiratory ailments.
5) Vitamin C: this one you've probably been hearing about for years, and it's still a good one (get the time-released kind)
6) B-complex: illness stresses your body, and that destroys your water-soluble vitamins, so it's a good idea to replace all of them (C and E are the others).
7) Garlic: used as a medicine in nearly every culture other than ours, it's been shown to contain powerful anti-viral properties.
8) Spicy food: the chemicals that cause heat stimulate your immune system and clear your sinuses.
9) Chloraseptic: not only will this numbing spray cool your sore throat pain, it'll greatly reduce the urge to cough... I figured this one out long ago, and now it's being officially recommended.
10) Petroleum jelly: if you're blowing or wiping your nose, dab some on after each time, and your nose will never get red or sore.
Other than that, the standard advice to get plenty of rest and fluids still holds true; hot liquids will help with congestion, and if you choose soup you can fill it full of garlic... yes, your grandmother's advice about having chicken soup when you're sick is still good. :-)
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
The stupidity of evil
We hear about so much evil in the news every day that we get the idea that evil is this unbeatable force, but it's NOT, because it's fundamentally flawed; my standard line on this one is that evil is, at its base, stupid, and that it's fortunate for the human race that this is so. For example; crime experts tell us that nearly every murderer leaves something at the scene of the crime and/or takes something away, and that this is what leads to many of them being captured and convicted. Think about it; how STUPID do you have to be to KILL someone and then leave your sunglasses behind (I saw that one on TV today), or to take the gold chain off of the victim and wear it in front of the COPS, and then leave it behind at the police station (from the same murder case)? Considering that murder can lead to decades in jail at the very least, wouldn't it make sense for the killer to PAUSE a moment before leaving the scene of the crime to be sure that they haven't left anything behind, and resist the urge to take any souvenirs with them? Of course it would... but that's not the way it happens, because evil apparently blocks some of the ability to reason things out.
Smaller-scale evil works the same way; how many times have you heard about someone who's cheating on their partner who got found out because they had the receipt for something they purchased for their new honey in their pocket, or left their cell phone bill showing countless calls to that person out on their desk, or went to dinner with them somewhere that they KNOW their friends also eat at, or, the classic, came home with lipstick on the collar? Would it be so hard to hide anything incriminating, give a little thought to where it would be safe to be seen in public, and avoid being a cliche by not letting a lipsticked mouth near your neck until you took your shirt off? Nope... but that's not how people operate when they're behaving in evil ways.
Even on the rare occasion that someone plans and executes a crime flawlessly, they generally do the stupidest possible thing; commit the crime AGAIN. I heard a mind-boggling example of this on the same show the prior examples came from; a doctor gave a female patient a shot to immobilize her and make her drowsy and confused while he raped her, and, to keep the finger of blame from pointing to him when they did a DNA test on him to compare with the DNA obtained from the semen on her panties (stupid, STUPID, why didn't he wear a condom?), he saved some blood from a patient, put it in a plastic tube, implanted the tube in his arm, and, when they took blood for the DNA test, that's the blood they took. It worked; he got away with it, and the whole town sided with him and thought that the poor victim was a liar. The smart thing to do would have been to quit while he was ahead, but instead, he pulled the exact same drug-and-rape thing with his 13 year old stepdaughter; the girl told on him, and, when he tried the blood in the tube trick again, he foolishly used blood that wasn't fresh, the technician who withdrew it spoke up about it, and they forced him to submit to having hair and inner-cheek-cell samples taken for extensive DNA testing... and he was CAUGHT.
That the man only got 6 years in jail for raping a woman and a little girl, and that people from the town were saying AFTER he was convicted that they'd STILL go to him for treatment if he was available, and so would their families, only goes to show that stupidity it NOT limited to evil people.
Smaller-scale evil works the same way; how many times have you heard about someone who's cheating on their partner who got found out because they had the receipt for something they purchased for their new honey in their pocket, or left their cell phone bill showing countless calls to that person out on their desk, or went to dinner with them somewhere that they KNOW their friends also eat at, or, the classic, came home with lipstick on the collar? Would it be so hard to hide anything incriminating, give a little thought to where it would be safe to be seen in public, and avoid being a cliche by not letting a lipsticked mouth near your neck until you took your shirt off? Nope... but that's not how people operate when they're behaving in evil ways.
Even on the rare occasion that someone plans and executes a crime flawlessly, they generally do the stupidest possible thing; commit the crime AGAIN. I heard a mind-boggling example of this on the same show the prior examples came from; a doctor gave a female patient a shot to immobilize her and make her drowsy and confused while he raped her, and, to keep the finger of blame from pointing to him when they did a DNA test on him to compare with the DNA obtained from the semen on her panties (stupid, STUPID, why didn't he wear a condom?), he saved some blood from a patient, put it in a plastic tube, implanted the tube in his arm, and, when they took blood for the DNA test, that's the blood they took. It worked; he got away with it, and the whole town sided with him and thought that the poor victim was a liar. The smart thing to do would have been to quit while he was ahead, but instead, he pulled the exact same drug-and-rape thing with his 13 year old stepdaughter; the girl told on him, and, when he tried the blood in the tube trick again, he foolishly used blood that wasn't fresh, the technician who withdrew it spoke up about it, and they forced him to submit to having hair and inner-cheek-cell samples taken for extensive DNA testing... and he was CAUGHT.
That the man only got 6 years in jail for raping a woman and a little girl, and that people from the town were saying AFTER he was convicted that they'd STILL go to him for treatment if he was available, and so would their families, only goes to show that stupidity it NOT limited to evil people.
Monday, January 24, 2005
I am the squirrel whisperer!! :-)
There's a little squirrel who started visiting my house last summer, and who's recently been semi-hibernating in my back yard; he's very likely the most spoiled creature on the planet. Every day, he gets filtered water in his own water dish, walnuts, peanuts, several sorts of veggies, the occasional apple or grapes, birdseed dropped on the ground by our equally spoiled avian visitors... and leaves from all of my surviving plants, lol. He makes off with enough food each day to feed a dozen squirrels, but he's not fat; he's dug up the area around our patio to create storage for all of it. Most people would be displeased with their landscaping becoming tunnels and mounds and general mess due to a rodent, but we're so besotted with this little guy that OUR reaction to seeing him hard at work at his excavating is to exclaim, dewey-eyed with adoration, "Look, he's digging-isn't he DARLING?!!" On a less infatuated note, as long as he's just rearranging OUR yard, he's not at risk of being caught and relocated, or WORSE; he's already been relocated several times due to his destruction in neighboring yards, and he keeps coming back, but the last time he was so THIN that I think they're taking him progressively farther away, and if they get him again he won't survive the journey back... or, they'll decide that he's been more trouble than he's worth and just kill him outright. What's an ugly yard compared to his LIFE?
The reason we've come to love what objectively is a major pest is that he's shown again and again how SMART he is (all those stories about how it's impossible to keep squirrels away from wherever they want to be make perfect sense to us now), and because he has loads of personality; for example, the larger birds eat on the ground under the feeder along with him, and, periodically, we'll see him eye them speculatively... and then CHARGE into their midst, scattering them like a small child might do. I'm sure he wishes that he could chuckle as he casually goes back to eating the seeds.
From the moment he first arrived in our lives, I've naturally been DYING to pet him, even though he's a wild animal and I knew that it was probably an unreachable dream. His cleverness and courage have always given me hope, though; he quickly learned that initially-scary sounds like the phone, doorbell and air conditioner led to no harm, and consequently ignored them, and he'd occasionally show up when one of us was outside, and quickly figured out that we weren't dangerous... he wouldn't come right up to us like he would with the birds, but considering the size differential, his willingness to come within a couple of feet was pretty impressive. We've been luring him ever closer to the sliding glass door so that we can see him better, by putting his favorite treats gradually nearer, and by talking to him so that he'd be aware of us and lose any fear of our movements behind the glass; he's long been indifferent to whatever we do in the house, and doesn't even blink when camera flashes go off.
My husband reported a few days ago that our little angel had run up to him several times when they'd been on the patio together, and I decided that it was time to try to get him to come take food from me. Now remember, I'm HUGE compared to him, and he's a wild animal on the business end of the food chain; nevertheless, the FIRST time I held out a peanut and called to him, he ran right over and, after a few false starts, came and took it from me!! I was ECSTATIC. After several successes with this, I tried putting a walnut on the palm of my hand to see if he'd be willing to trust me that far; although this required him to be right where I could, in theory, grab him, he went for it without hesitation. We had a few incidents where he got a little confused between what was food and what was my fingers, which isn't surprising since my fingers SMELLED like food, but he never actually bit, he just gave a little nibble, and quickly decided that I wasn't edible.
I was overwhelmed when he became comfortable enough to put his tiny paw on my hand and half-climb onto me to reach the nuts rather than going to where he could grab from the side; he'd sit, or even stand, right next to my hand, eating his walnut and looking up into my face, trying to figure me out... he can certainly tell that the non-stop stream of noise is coming from me ("What a good boy, what a precious baby, my little love bug," etc), he can see me moving and smell me, but I think I look so bizarre to him that he doesn't quite know what to make of me. He'd always back off when my hands started moving to get him more nuts, but he was watching me closely, and quickly figured out where they were coming from (bags by the door), and his little mind has been churning madly. Because the sounds from my opening of the screen door were scaring him, I tried leaving it open a little, with me sitting next to it, so that I could just stick my hand out with food when I saw him, but after a couple of times of looking away for a moment and looking back to see him standing RIGHT THERE in the opening, looking in at me and the nuts, I resigned myself to having to just get him used to the sound, which he has. He hadn't forgotten where the nuts were, and I had to watch him VERY carefully when I was moving in or out of the doorway, because he started trying to get around me to make a grab for the gold... oh, he was backing off when I shifted position to block him, but not very far.
Last night, I told my husband that I was going to try to work up to petting our little sweetheart; he thought it would take a great deal of time and effort to get a wild animal to accept that sort of thing, and I thought so too, BUT: As if in response to my thoughts, today the squirrel started eating straddling my hand, and I very carefully tried moving my fingers to stroke his belly fur; he didn't even FLINCH. I gradually became bolder; he seemed not to care. Within a few rounds of walnuts, I found myself, to my utter amazement and delight, PETTING him on his back and sides as one would pet any domesticated animal; I stopped short of petting his head, as even a cat or dog may react badly to its head being touched if it's eating, but other than that it was normal petting, and, although he didn't react as if he was enjoying being petted (I'm still hoping), he showed no signs of distress whatsoever.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!! :-)
Perhaps I'm easily pleased, but I found this willingness of his to let me touch him to be the biggest thrill in AGES. The down side of it, though, is that he's now totally unafraid of my hands, and, when I have to reach into the bags for more nuts, he tries to push under or climb over the arm I put up to block him from coming into the house; since having a possibly panicking wild animal racing around all my breakable collectables would NOT be a good thing, and, since his instinct would be to run up the Christmas tree (yes, it's still up, so shoot me) with its many expensive ornaments, and then possibly to make the jump to the nearby shelves full of fragile items, I've got to rethink how I'm feeding him... which means that I'll probably have to go outside, shut the door, and freeze my butt off sitting on cold concrete while I let him climb on me and feed him that way. Don't get me wrong, it'll be well worth it; I just wish it wasn't winter.
The only flaw in the actual petting experience today was that my husband wasn't here to see it; he picked the wrong day to be out of town. When he got home, he was greeted with, "He let me pet him!! He let me pet him!! He did the cutest thing in the history of the world and YOU MISSED IT!!" He was pretty bummed out, especially since now he'll have to wait until next weekend to see if I can do it again... and, to see if the squirrel will take food from HIM.
I've always been unusually good with animals, but today's pet-a-thon will remain one of the best critter encounters ever. I want to end this post with a note of caution, though, because I know that some of you will have squirrels and such hanging around where you live, and may now be tempted to see if you can duplicate my success; I hope that you CAN, but please, PLEASE, keep in mind that a wild animal is NOT a pet, that it may act in unexpected ways, that it might bite or scratch you, and might be diseased even if it looks healthy... so be CAREFUL. Also, for the animals' safety, take a few minutes to find out what's best to offer them to eat BEFORE you try to feed them; human food can make them sick. For squirrels, only raw, unsalted nuts are ok; for peanuts in the shell, be prepared to crack the shells for them until they figure out what to do. And last but far from least, keep in mind that once you lure a wild creature in, you can't make it leave when you want it to, and that it may cause some damage as it eats, builds a home, or just plays around; if all of this pales in comparison for you to being able to interact with a little piece of nature, as it does for me, best of luck-I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. :-)
The reason we've come to love what objectively is a major pest is that he's shown again and again how SMART he is (all those stories about how it's impossible to keep squirrels away from wherever they want to be make perfect sense to us now), and because he has loads of personality; for example, the larger birds eat on the ground under the feeder along with him, and, periodically, we'll see him eye them speculatively... and then CHARGE into their midst, scattering them like a small child might do. I'm sure he wishes that he could chuckle as he casually goes back to eating the seeds.
From the moment he first arrived in our lives, I've naturally been DYING to pet him, even though he's a wild animal and I knew that it was probably an unreachable dream. His cleverness and courage have always given me hope, though; he quickly learned that initially-scary sounds like the phone, doorbell and air conditioner led to no harm, and consequently ignored them, and he'd occasionally show up when one of us was outside, and quickly figured out that we weren't dangerous... he wouldn't come right up to us like he would with the birds, but considering the size differential, his willingness to come within a couple of feet was pretty impressive. We've been luring him ever closer to the sliding glass door so that we can see him better, by putting his favorite treats gradually nearer, and by talking to him so that he'd be aware of us and lose any fear of our movements behind the glass; he's long been indifferent to whatever we do in the house, and doesn't even blink when camera flashes go off.
My husband reported a few days ago that our little angel had run up to him several times when they'd been on the patio together, and I decided that it was time to try to get him to come take food from me. Now remember, I'm HUGE compared to him, and he's a wild animal on the business end of the food chain; nevertheless, the FIRST time I held out a peanut and called to him, he ran right over and, after a few false starts, came and took it from me!! I was ECSTATIC. After several successes with this, I tried putting a walnut on the palm of my hand to see if he'd be willing to trust me that far; although this required him to be right where I could, in theory, grab him, he went for it without hesitation. We had a few incidents where he got a little confused between what was food and what was my fingers, which isn't surprising since my fingers SMELLED like food, but he never actually bit, he just gave a little nibble, and quickly decided that I wasn't edible.
I was overwhelmed when he became comfortable enough to put his tiny paw on my hand and half-climb onto me to reach the nuts rather than going to where he could grab from the side; he'd sit, or even stand, right next to my hand, eating his walnut and looking up into my face, trying to figure me out... he can certainly tell that the non-stop stream of noise is coming from me ("What a good boy, what a precious baby, my little love bug," etc), he can see me moving and smell me, but I think I look so bizarre to him that he doesn't quite know what to make of me. He'd always back off when my hands started moving to get him more nuts, but he was watching me closely, and quickly figured out where they were coming from (bags by the door), and his little mind has been churning madly. Because the sounds from my opening of the screen door were scaring him, I tried leaving it open a little, with me sitting next to it, so that I could just stick my hand out with food when I saw him, but after a couple of times of looking away for a moment and looking back to see him standing RIGHT THERE in the opening, looking in at me and the nuts, I resigned myself to having to just get him used to the sound, which he has. He hadn't forgotten where the nuts were, and I had to watch him VERY carefully when I was moving in or out of the doorway, because he started trying to get around me to make a grab for the gold... oh, he was backing off when I shifted position to block him, but not very far.
Last night, I told my husband that I was going to try to work up to petting our little sweetheart; he thought it would take a great deal of time and effort to get a wild animal to accept that sort of thing, and I thought so too, BUT: As if in response to my thoughts, today the squirrel started eating straddling my hand, and I very carefully tried moving my fingers to stroke his belly fur; he didn't even FLINCH. I gradually became bolder; he seemed not to care. Within a few rounds of walnuts, I found myself, to my utter amazement and delight, PETTING him on his back and sides as one would pet any domesticated animal; I stopped short of petting his head, as even a cat or dog may react badly to its head being touched if it's eating, but other than that it was normal petting, and, although he didn't react as if he was enjoying being petted (I'm still hoping), he showed no signs of distress whatsoever.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!! :-)
Perhaps I'm easily pleased, but I found this willingness of his to let me touch him to be the biggest thrill in AGES. The down side of it, though, is that he's now totally unafraid of my hands, and, when I have to reach into the bags for more nuts, he tries to push under or climb over the arm I put up to block him from coming into the house; since having a possibly panicking wild animal racing around all my breakable collectables would NOT be a good thing, and, since his instinct would be to run up the Christmas tree (yes, it's still up, so shoot me) with its many expensive ornaments, and then possibly to make the jump to the nearby shelves full of fragile items, I've got to rethink how I'm feeding him... which means that I'll probably have to go outside, shut the door, and freeze my butt off sitting on cold concrete while I let him climb on me and feed him that way. Don't get me wrong, it'll be well worth it; I just wish it wasn't winter.
The only flaw in the actual petting experience today was that my husband wasn't here to see it; he picked the wrong day to be out of town. When he got home, he was greeted with, "He let me pet him!! He let me pet him!! He did the cutest thing in the history of the world and YOU MISSED IT!!" He was pretty bummed out, especially since now he'll have to wait until next weekend to see if I can do it again... and, to see if the squirrel will take food from HIM.
I've always been unusually good with animals, but today's pet-a-thon will remain one of the best critter encounters ever. I want to end this post with a note of caution, though, because I know that some of you will have squirrels and such hanging around where you live, and may now be tempted to see if you can duplicate my success; I hope that you CAN, but please, PLEASE, keep in mind that a wild animal is NOT a pet, that it may act in unexpected ways, that it might bite or scratch you, and might be diseased even if it looks healthy... so be CAREFUL. Also, for the animals' safety, take a few minutes to find out what's best to offer them to eat BEFORE you try to feed them; human food can make them sick. For squirrels, only raw, unsalted nuts are ok; for peanuts in the shell, be prepared to crack the shells for them until they figure out what to do. And last but far from least, keep in mind that once you lure a wild creature in, you can't make it leave when you want it to, and that it may cause some damage as it eats, builds a home, or just plays around; if all of this pales in comparison for you to being able to interact with a little piece of nature, as it does for me, best of luck-I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. :-)
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Dinner out
If my husband and I hadn't already known that we were destined to be together, the way we manage a dinner out would be proof:
The place we went to tonight gives every table baskets of little hunks of crusty bread covered in melted garlic butter; we each had a piece, and it was REALLY tasty, so I dragged the basket over to my side of the table and ate it all. My husband smiled goofily at me.
We got tostones (fried plantains, a Puerto Rican and Cuban delicacy), and were still crunching happily when the salads came; I don't care for veggies, so I ate the rest of the tostones while my husband ate lettuce. I gave him my tomato and onion; he gave me his cucumber. I picked out the carrot shreds and gave him the rest of the salad.
The meals came; I pushed my bowl of black beans over to him, making a mental note to NOT get into any enclosed spaces with him later that evening. I carefully spread out my carne con papas (beef with potatoes) to see what each chunk was while he started vacuuming up his entree; every time I turned up an olive, I exclaimed, "Ew, gross!!" and tossed it onto his plate. I tried one of the potatoes; it was icky, so I tossed THAT on his plate. I scraped all the sauce off of the meat pieces, ate a few bites, then got tired of it and decided to wait until the next batch of tostones came; my husband was still eating steadily. The waitress brought him a new Diet Coke; I took it, and gave him what was left of my old one.
This is all perfectly normal to US, but we get some odd looks every time we eat in public, surrounded by people eating only, GASP, from their own plates. This effect is magnified when we eat at Asian restaurants, as then we're sharing plates of food, and everything has to be divided up so that HE gets all the stuff I don't like, and *I* get all the goodies; this means that there's a steady stream of mushrooms and peapods and such flying across the table... usually onto his plate, but sometimes onto his hand, at which we both snicker, especially if the food's HOT (sometimes, he'll even PRETEND that whatever hit his hand was hot, and that he's in ridiculously extreme agony, just to make me laugh). It also means that, although we both order cashew chicken, only one of us GETS it... because he puts all the cashews on MY plate. At the Thai restaurant, we get 4 spring rolls, but they're my favorite, so my husband will only take one, and insist I take his 2nd one; he likes burned stuff, so I'll examine the sate to see which ones have the most charcoal, and those are his. If there's anything I can't identify, I have HIM try it; if, as is usually the case, it's something I won't eat, I'll pick out all of it and give it to him. If I notice that an errant water chestnut has found its way to his plate, I retrieve it. We crack each other up, but we've had waitresses yelp "What are you DOING?!!", so I'm guessing we must look pretty strange to outsiders; we're used to that, though. :-)
I honestly couldn't tell you how we ended up with this weird interactive method of eating together; neither one of us has a history of this sort of thing, and it's not like we ever saw anyone else doing it, lol. My husband was always happy to eat anything I didn't want, and always offered me anything he had that he thought I'd like; somehow, over the years, that turned into something out of an old slapstick comedy, which probably looks more like a food fight than anything else, but is actually... now that I think about it... love in action. You know that scene in "Lady and the Tramp" where he rolls the last meatball over to her side of the plate? That's a little lower-key than what we do, but the thought is the same; it's part of how my husband provides for me, through the most basic and essential means... food. He literally takes his own food and gives it to me so that I can enjoy my dinner more, and is happy to eat the leftovers knowing that I've had a good meal.
My husband isn't big on romantic gestures. He's a slob. He's scatterbrained. He's disorganized. He can't dress himself. He can't remember to flush the toilet more than 20% of the time. BUT; if I commandeer the tasty food and eat it all, he'll beam at me as if it's the happiest moment of his life... and one of the most important lessons of MY life has been that THIS sort of thing is what we should judge a person's worth as a romantic partner by. If there are any ladies out there bemoaning the lack of roses and candlelight from their men, and wondering if they're REALLY loved, take my advice; go to a Chinese restaurant... and order the cashew chicken.
The place we went to tonight gives every table baskets of little hunks of crusty bread covered in melted garlic butter; we each had a piece, and it was REALLY tasty, so I dragged the basket over to my side of the table and ate it all. My husband smiled goofily at me.
We got tostones (fried plantains, a Puerto Rican and Cuban delicacy), and were still crunching happily when the salads came; I don't care for veggies, so I ate the rest of the tostones while my husband ate lettuce. I gave him my tomato and onion; he gave me his cucumber. I picked out the carrot shreds and gave him the rest of the salad.
The meals came; I pushed my bowl of black beans over to him, making a mental note to NOT get into any enclosed spaces with him later that evening. I carefully spread out my carne con papas (beef with potatoes) to see what each chunk was while he started vacuuming up his entree; every time I turned up an olive, I exclaimed, "Ew, gross!!" and tossed it onto his plate. I tried one of the potatoes; it was icky, so I tossed THAT on his plate. I scraped all the sauce off of the meat pieces, ate a few bites, then got tired of it and decided to wait until the next batch of tostones came; my husband was still eating steadily. The waitress brought him a new Diet Coke; I took it, and gave him what was left of my old one.
This is all perfectly normal to US, but we get some odd looks every time we eat in public, surrounded by people eating only, GASP, from their own plates. This effect is magnified when we eat at Asian restaurants, as then we're sharing plates of food, and everything has to be divided up so that HE gets all the stuff I don't like, and *I* get all the goodies; this means that there's a steady stream of mushrooms and peapods and such flying across the table... usually onto his plate, but sometimes onto his hand, at which we both snicker, especially if the food's HOT (sometimes, he'll even PRETEND that whatever hit his hand was hot, and that he's in ridiculously extreme agony, just to make me laugh). It also means that, although we both order cashew chicken, only one of us GETS it... because he puts all the cashews on MY plate. At the Thai restaurant, we get 4 spring rolls, but they're my favorite, so my husband will only take one, and insist I take his 2nd one; he likes burned stuff, so I'll examine the sate to see which ones have the most charcoal, and those are his. If there's anything I can't identify, I have HIM try it; if, as is usually the case, it's something I won't eat, I'll pick out all of it and give it to him. If I notice that an errant water chestnut has found its way to his plate, I retrieve it. We crack each other up, but we've had waitresses yelp "What are you DOING?!!", so I'm guessing we must look pretty strange to outsiders; we're used to that, though. :-)
I honestly couldn't tell you how we ended up with this weird interactive method of eating together; neither one of us has a history of this sort of thing, and it's not like we ever saw anyone else doing it, lol. My husband was always happy to eat anything I didn't want, and always offered me anything he had that he thought I'd like; somehow, over the years, that turned into something out of an old slapstick comedy, which probably looks more like a food fight than anything else, but is actually... now that I think about it... love in action. You know that scene in "Lady and the Tramp" where he rolls the last meatball over to her side of the plate? That's a little lower-key than what we do, but the thought is the same; it's part of how my husband provides for me, through the most basic and essential means... food. He literally takes his own food and gives it to me so that I can enjoy my dinner more, and is happy to eat the leftovers knowing that I've had a good meal.
My husband isn't big on romantic gestures. He's a slob. He's scatterbrained. He's disorganized. He can't dress himself. He can't remember to flush the toilet more than 20% of the time. BUT; if I commandeer the tasty food and eat it all, he'll beam at me as if it's the happiest moment of his life... and one of the most important lessons of MY life has been that THIS sort of thing is what we should judge a person's worth as a romantic partner by. If there are any ladies out there bemoaning the lack of roses and candlelight from their men, and wondering if they're REALLY loved, take my advice; go to a Chinese restaurant... and order the cashew chicken.
